Sniper1
Chapter one:2
Darkness of the Sunday in the campus was washed away in bright Monday morning light. 3
The light cast down the shadow from the clock tower upon the grass of the courtyard below. Not a sound could be heard from the campus, not a single student would normally wake this early.4
Only a single man stood in the early morning light. Two bulky suitcases hanging from his hands. He stood tall, with his long dark hair swaying in the morning breeze. Standing there, in just a tee-shirt and jeans he should of been cold, but the adrenaline running through his vains was keeping him warm. This was his day, the day that he had been planing for the best part of his life, the day he would ask his questions to the world, the day for which he would ask, but not receive any repliy.5
As he started walking towards the clock tower, his footsteps echoed off the school walls, and around the campus, but no-one was around to listen. 6
When he reached the door of the clock tower, one kick open the door for him, ripping the fragile frame apart and forcing the door inwards. The crash was loud, but not loud enough to wake anyone, which suited his plan, he didn't want anyone awake, not just yet. Once inside he found and slid a chair under the handle of the door, to prevent any intruders from spoiling his time. 7
As he walked up the stairs towards the top of the tower, he started to shiver, many times he had got this far with his plan and had to turn back, but not today. Today was diffrent, today was his day.8
Reaching the top of the stairs he found himself confronted with a large wooden door, which he knew was unlocked. He had reached this stage before and turned back, but not today. With the suitcase in his right hand he nudged open the door to revile the catwalk of the clock tower.9
He stepped up onto the catwalk and put down his burden. The four sided clock began to chime, seven AM, the day is beginning, so much to do and so little time.10
He looked twords the the city, where no-one has known him.11
He looked twords the sky where no-one looks down.12
He looked at his life and what it had shown him.13
He looked for his shadow, but it couldn't be found.14
He opened the first suitcase, and laid out the rifles on the cat walk, loaded shells into the shotgun, and placed the spare cartridges along the wall. He knew he would need them all for his conversation. If it went as he planed, then he would use them all.15
Looking to make sure that he had not forgotten anything in his rush, he double checked everything was ready. Waiting on the catwalk, the light morning breeze swaying his hair more violently than before due to his high altitude. It was pleasant enough standing on the tower, but the time came at last. The time to ask the city his questions.16
He called out of the walls of the cat walk, “Listen you people I've got a question. You won't pay attention but I'll ask anyhow.” “I found a way that will get me an answer. Been waiting to ask you 'till now. Right now!”17
People started to gather on the grass below the clock tower to listen to him. He silently counted 25 in total so far, he had to hide his glee as he spoke.18
He continued to call to the people. “I am a lover who's never been kissed. I am a fighter who's not made a fist. If I'm alive then there's so much I've missed. Here is my question: How do I know I exist?”19
Two more people gathered in the campus, there was a mixture of teachers and students watching him. He reached down and pulled a rifle from his pile of arms. Resting it on the wall of the clock tower, setting his sights on the small crowed he open fire. As the first shot ringed out from the rifle, he shouted in the direction of the crowd ”Are you listening to me ?”20
The first victim dropped without a scream, the others staired in silent disbelief.21
The crack of a second shot echoed from the school buildings and rolled through the town, another student dropped, followed by his call of “Are you listening to me ?”22
The reaming crowd fled. . .23
What did i do well? What did i do wrong? Spelling / Grammer errors?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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ehh
sorry i ate em all -
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You ate all the snipers?!
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You have a marvelous way with words,
Good morning William, your character certainly found a way to get peoples’ attention
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Normally I would never mix this much lyrical construction with prose unless the character was using it as a song or dialogue, but it fit here (so what do I know
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You have a marvelous way with words, the plotting is smooth, and I found myself empathizing with the culprit though I was appalled by what he was doing.
PS, I disagree I think the suitecases dangling is vivid—hanging (blah).
Hope we see more of your work in the list.
Geri


beginning: 5, plot: 5, ending: 3, characters: 5.
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paragraph 13, u added an e to shown, and in paragraph 5, rather than 'the day for which he would ask' personally i would put 'the day he would ask'. (yes, i have just realised im working backwards, sorry). Also in paragraph 5, rather than dangleing, i would have the suitcases hanging. But apart from that, it was very good, and i want to find out what happens next. Keep up the good work

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Thank you! I aint too good at spelling so i don't pick up on things like that

Thanks again!
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