"Where are you going dear?" asked Granny Mabel.1
"What the hell Gran, your always asking me where I'm going. Can't you leave me alone- you're so annoying," moaned Grace as she unlocked the letterbox.2
"I was only asking, no need to be impertinent dear!"3
"There you go again Gran-using weird words that no one understands". 4
Grace sat on the step to read her letter. The aroma from the envelope overwhelmed her. Almost intoxicating her into a translated state of euphoria.It was from her penfriend Steve. Reminding her - that he was still thinking of her and he'll be visiting soon in her home town of Victoria.5
Granny Mabel went into her bedroom and looked into her vanity mirror. Wiping back the tears from her crow's feet made her question, why she took on Grace in the first place. The years hadn't been kind to her. Wrinkled and frail and several trips by Ambulance to the I. C.U took its toll on her. She got up to get dressed in her white crisp uniform to go to her lawn bowls. She liked to keep active. It was her Doctor's orders; she couldn't miss out on the semi finals. Being captain - it was her big moment.6
'I can't worry about feeling my age now. I better get to the bus stop before the bus leaves without me,'she thought.7
Grace decided it was time for Granny Mabel to listen to her .She wasn't going to take it anymore.She was going to put her foot down. It was her way or the highway for Granny Mabel.8
Grace barged into Granny Mabel's bedroom with so much rage she almost knocked the chair over at the vanity mirror. Looking around she noticed Granny wasn't there. 9
"Granny I know you're in here. Where are you hiding?" 10
Grace felt a sharp pain to the back of her head. She was knocked unconscious. 11
Steve kneeled down to feel Grace's pulse, it was weak. He started to drag her body out into the hall and into the garden.12
"Don't you know Grace, that you can't be too careful with whom you get in contact with these days. Didn't anyone teach you, you shouldn't talk to stranger's?" he said with sacasm.13
Grace just laid there,still and lifeless.14
He grabbed a shovel from the tool shed. With that he started to dig. 15
The rectangle shaped grave was almost dug, when Grace began to murmur."Where am I and who the hell are you?"16
"I'm Steve-aren't you surprised to see me?"17
She looked half dazed at the grave.18
"Why are you doing this to me?"19
Just then, Granny Mabel came home from her lawn bowls. The front door was wide open...20
"Curse that girl; she can't even have the decency to close the door, when she goes out".21
Granny Mabel started to feel uneasy as she entered,the door looked like it had been forced open. On entering the kitchen she dropped her bowling bag onto her foot. She muffled the gasp that tried to escape her mouth with her hand.22
Suddenly she,heard a cry for "help" from Grace.23
Steve was about to roll Grace into the makeshift grave. Just then Granny Mabel snuck up behind him. With every ounce of fire in her belly, with a swift kick, he fell into the grave.24
Grace said, "Granny Mabel if it wasn't for you," she was cut short.25
"Shh don't say another word my girl-you are all I have,"said Granny Mabel, fighting back tears. 26
Comments
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I'm confused, was Grace still seven or a bit older now?
'She decided to take a nap before going to her lawn bowls.' but in the next paragraph Granny Mabel decides to go to the bus. It's just a bit confused here. It feels like she has plenty of time and then all the sudden she doesn't.
In P14, was Steve meaning to hit Grace hard enough to kill her or just knock her out? Am confused by the sentence ''he had hit her harder then that.'
Also, where was Granny when this was happening? It felt like she was gone to the bus stop, but when I read later on it doesn't feel like that. It feels as if Steve has done something to Granny that we, the reader doesn't know about.
It's getting late here. Is Granny and Grace the same people? Am I meant to be confused throughout the whole story? If so then Bravo, for you have done that
Ok so my thoughts were wrong. Maybe I should read this in the light of day
I will have to read this again when I am not so tired. It felt, in my opinion, that Grace and Granny were a duel person, but at the end it wasn't. I was thinking about how I could make it clearer, but tonight it's just not coming.
Sorry about that.
Brooke
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Not Happy
Sorry sbout confuing you. All you had to do was point out where I went wrong. But, nah you had to say BRAVO as if you were clapping me for confusing you. In my book it feels like you were attacking me personly, -
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Hey now, I was not attacking you at all. I was just pointing out where I was confused. It was late when I read it and had already had a long day, so I couldn't hand out any suggestions to help unconfuse me. And I really did think you were trying to keep the reader confused.
All I can say is take it however you want to, but I was not attacking you at all.
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