Dry up, child. Stop that nonsesne.
Can't you see?
The vultures are waiting.
No, they are wanting.
Waiting.
Wanting.1
[Just a minute's time, please.]2
The time's already come.
Do you even remember why?
Do you even know your name?3
[Yes, my name, I know my name.]4
What were you thinking?
That love
is a story,
and life
is a...
game?5
[No, it's pain.
It's always pain.]6
What's that you say?
I could not hear. I could not fathom.
I could not know.
I'll just turn my head.
Look the other direction, quickly, look!7
[I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.]8
What's that you say?
Author notes
Apparently, purple pigs fly in Texas.
A contest entry
- Make Me Feel Deep by May Kingston.
225 points, ended May 30, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Hey, this is pretty good! The description and the rhythm are very smooth. The message sort of takes a while to process, but I think I managed to get something from this. Thanks for entering!
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I'm not gonna lie. I don't entirely understand this. xD
What I got was sort've a...whatchamacallit.
A person who, perhaps, changed themselves for love or something. Lost themselves and didn't quite make the cut in the end.
Regardless of what the meaning was, it was pretty good.
Had it's own flow and seethed with resentment.
Good job on this. :3
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Well,
I would enlighten you on the meaning, but then it would lose its aloof and mysterious feel. When poetry becomes tangible, it is forced to be obsolete. But then, that's my opinion. =]
You used the word "whatchamacallit".
Are you southern?
Thanks for the comment.
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And you think I'm eloquent?!
A good case of less is more. I won't pretend to wholly understand this, there are some very personal overtones, but I know quality when I see it.
Isn't learning about life painful! Hang in there! -
Wow, that's some writing. "I'm here." "What's that you say?" It's like one person is talking and then the other responds and is ignored.
A metaphor for the unheard and oppressed. Marvelous touch there.
Bloody good show.
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OK, this is how ya do poetry. Hells yes.
have you ever read the Animorph books? they're ridiculous, don't even bother, but the []'s reminded me of that. In the books, that's how they signal "thought speak." So to me it was like, concsious thought, or what you tell yourself because that's what's happening, and subconcsious thought, or, that crazy little voice that pops up out of your brain and can not be controlled. I dunno. It's late.
But I enjoyed ^____________^
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Wow! That was really good! Awesome Job once again!
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This was different. A unique style of writing I have not seen before: needless to say I admired it greatly.. the way it was set put and portrayed exeelent and the topic at hand much the same.
Black ♣ keep it up
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Oooo. I love your style! I have long looked for poems like this - awesome! Good luck and keep writing!
~Athena -
I like it. What's that you say?
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