Love Like a Rose

***READ FIRST*** 1

So.....this is basically what happens when you watch A Walk to Remember THREE times in a row, and then listen to your favorite love songs. So I'll warn you now....2

This story is INCREDIBLY cheesy, and probably incredibly unrealistic as well. If you're not a huge fan of extreme fluff, then this story will choke you! 3

Okay, if you're still here, you're probably okay with fluff, or just really curious. Either way, please enjoy....and comment! : D4

5

6


"Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed. Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed. Some say love it is a hunger, an endless aching need. I say love, it is a flower, and you its only seed." 7


Luke Snyder....the love of my life. The other half that makes me complete as a whole. The one reason my heart still beats. The truth is....8

It was all an accident. A complete and utter accident. Looking back, I really hadn't planned on any of it happening. In fact, I can honestly say that I hadn't even planned on falling in love with him. It was an accidental fall. Or maybe it was love at first sight. Either way, it was not on purpose (though I doubt that falling is ever on purpose). When I finally realized I had fallen....I wasn't surprised at all. There was just something really special about him, that always kept me coming back for more. And I couldn't help but wonder if I was the ONLY person in the world who could see just how special he was.9

Back then, I couldn't get Luke out of my head, no matter how hard I tried, and I couldn't leave him alone. Maybe it had something to do with the "connection" I felt the moment we first met. Right from that moment, there were uncontrollable emotions surging through me. The overwhelming sense to protect him, and the longing to see him happy and smiling....the longing to be the single source of his joy. Looking back, I've realized that maybe....just maybe....it was all just meant to happen.10

Sunday, October 5th
5:35 p.m.11

Noah Mayer loved to run. He lived for the exhilarating sound of his feet pounding on concrete, one after the other in a practiced rhythm. The adrenaline pumping through his veins as he breathed in and out in a precise, calculated matter. The elating feeling of accomplishment when he reached his goal. To him, running was life. Besides running for his high school's track and cross country teams, he ran anywhere and anytime, whether it was after-school at the school's track fields, or around his neighborhood. Sometimes, he just ran whichever direction his feet took him, unaware of his destination until he reached it. Running was a challenge he couldn't back down from. Sometimes, he ran until he felt dizzy, and even then, he would push himself to run an extra ten steps. Running was his one and only escape, tearing him away from the tight confinements of his life. When he was running, the rest of the world slowly faded away, until it became just him....vs. himself.12

Today, he had spontaneously decided that he felt like running by the beach, maybe catch a glimpse of the beauty that was the Newport Beach sunset. So he threw on a crisp white t-shirt and a pair of navy shorts, hiked on his dirt-stained Nikes, and ran a hand through his short, spiky black hair before setting off, mildly aware of the lust-filled glances thrown his way by on-lookers.13

Blood pumping, sweat glistening on his forehead, and his footsteps thumping in his ear provided all the encouragement he needed. His heart pounded heavily as he glanced out towards the beach. The breeze was slow and calm, lifting small grains of sand and gently rolling them with the wind. The sun was just beginning to set, illuminating the cloudless sky in a light orange hue. The beach was mostly deserted, the remaining families packing their belongings as they grabbed their children. His eyes scanned the near-empty beach, and it was then that he spotted him. A boy standing by himself, staring out into the clear shimmering ocean. Noah slowed down to light jog before stopping completely as he fought to catch his breath. He panted slightly, his hands planted on his hips as he observed the boy. There was something undeniably intriguing about the boy. He wore jeans, though the temperature was in the high 70's, and a striped shirt. From where Noah was standing, the boy's hands appeared to be crossed in front of his chest, occasionally lifting to rub spots on his face, almost as if he was....crying.14

Noah felt a pang in his chest. Alrighty Mayer. Keep going, it's none of your business, he thought as his breathing finally became steady and even. Even so, he remained rooted in his position, his eyes still watching the boy's every move. Suddenly, he felt his feet start moving him in the direction of the boy. His mind was blank, no coherent thoughts as he was pulled closer and closer to the boy, as if they each possessed one half of a magnet. He was only a few feet away when the boy whipped around, as if he somehow sensed Noah's presence. Oh my God.... Noah thought as he felt his breath taken away. Noah froze, his heart skipping a beat before increasing rapidly. At that exact moment, he felt time stop, ceasing to exist as he found himself fighting to catch his breath...yet again. At that exact moment, he could swear he could see shooting stars flying across the sky, colliding against each other in an explosion of fireworks. At that exact moment, Noah felt his entire world tilt upside down, and he felt slightly dizzy as his heart beat repeatedly against his chest. Before him....stood an angel.15

The sun shone around the boy's body, kissing him in a golden aura. His blond hair was overgrown, long strands falling into a pair of honey colored eyes. Tears flowed out of the boy's almond shaped eyes, his soft-looking lips slightly parted and relaxed. Somehow, despite the tears that rolled down the boy's cheek, he still managed to look incredibly serene....angelic....perfect....incredibly....16

"Beautiful...." Noah murmured. Damn it...he thought. How could I have said that out loud? Did he hear me?17

His nightmare was confirmed when the boy blinked and knit his eyebrows in confusion.18

"What did you say?" His voice was quiet and meek...barely audible, and yet it was the sweetest sound Noah had ever heard, floating across the air between them to kiss his ears, and making his skin crawl. There was no way he could ever lie to a voice so pure....so enchanting.19

"I...uh...I said...you're beautiful."20

The boy's eyes widened in shock as his mouth fell open. A blush warmed his cheeks as he ducked his head, clearly embarrassed....the most endearing thing Noah had ever seen. He felt his breath hitch as the boy slowly raised his head, blue and brown meeting and locking. The world faded away, becoming a barely noticeable blur. The way it usually did when Noah was running. Noah found himself lost in the watery eyes locked with his own. He searched them, hoping he could somehow see what had caused the boy so much pain. The trance was broken when the boy blinked and attempted to move past Noah, his gaze focused on his feet. Without a second of hesitation, Noah reached out and grabbed the boy's hand, preventing him from moving further away. Surprisingly, the boy didn't put up a fight as he turned to face Noah. He looked into the beautiful eyes, so heavily laced with pain. If he could, he would never let the boy go. If he could, he would make the heartbreaking pain disappear from the boy's eyes. If he could...if he could somehow find a way...he would make the boy smile. Instead, Noah did the only thing he knew he could do and pulled the boy closer. His arms wrapped around the smaller body, securing around the boy's back. He felt fingers tightly clutching the bottom of his shirt, the body against his own relaxing and leaning into Noah's embrace. He sobbed freely, immediately soaking Noah's shirt, his tears mixing with the dried sweat. He placed his chin on top of the boy's head, marveling at the feel of the soft hair tickling his chin. He had no idea how long they stood embracing...but all he knew was that he had never felt happier in his life.21

After some time, the boy tilted his head upward to meet Noah's gaze. The eyes...so big and round, giving him an innocent appearance as his tears slowed. His eyelashes...so long and thin, each strand more beautiful then the next.22

So beautiful. 23

In the eyes, Noah could see his mesmerized face reflected clearly. His gaze focused on the lips...so pink and soft-looking.24

So beautiful. 25

He felt his heart thumping...trembling...threatening to explode out of his chest as he gently brushed away the tear tracks left on the boy's smooth face. His stomach tied itself in unbreakable knots as his hand caressed the face, sliding up and down in a slow motion.26

So beautiful. 27

He felt small hands sliding up his chest and onto his shoulders. Thoughts of wrong or right...pushed out of his head as he watched the boy's eyes flutter shut.28

So very beautiful..... 29

This intense emotion that was causing his heart to beat uncontrollably...threatening to cause his very death....could the boy feel it too? He leaned down, capturing the boy's lips in a kiss. Their lips began to mold together slowly, as Noah's hands moved to the boy's neck, pulling him impossibly closer. Time seemed to stand still, because while their lips were locked, it seemed as though they were kissing for hours. Yet the moment they pulled away, it seemed as though the kiss had only lasted for seconds. It was sweet, innocent, and over before Noah knew it...but just the same, it was absolutely perfect. Their eyes met again, but another emotion seemed to have replaced the sadness that had earlier resided in the orbs. Hope...flashing strongly and causing Noah to lose his breath yet again. He could swear that beneath the hope, the one thing reflected was...forever.30

The boy closed his eyes, standing on his toes as he pressed his lips against Noah's one last time. Noah took his hand, interlocking their fingers, and silently asking the boy not to go. The boy pulled away slowly, their fingers sliding against each other as he took small steps back. He turned to face Noah.31

"Thank you..." he said softly before turning around and breaking into a run, never once looking back, and not bothering to grace Noah with his name. Noah watched his retreating form until he was out of sight, and then ran his fingers through his hair.32

So beautiful....

Author notes

Please comment! : D

Eddie

Option 1: As you Sleep by Something Corporate! Love them!

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!

I'm not sure if this will make you cry, but hopefully it will make you feel SOMETHING.

Prompt: http://www.artistsguilds.com/art/Claude_Monet.jpg

Iris- Goo Goo Dolls

Love Story- Taylor Swift
Eddie- Favorite love story: A Walk to Remember

Favorite Song: Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Cry- Mandy Moore

Okay, well I wrote this a few months ago, but I haven't had time to continue, not to mention I don't feel very inspired! Hopefully you're up for the challenge

I commented on Letting go of perfection by Writing0Freedom

Finger-Eleven's Contest: Option 2

Well, have you ever seen A Walk to Remember? This story was somewhat influenced by that last scene of Landon, when he's standing looking out into the ocean, and the song "Cry" by Mandy Moore comes on.

***Chemicals React***

donuts-and-music: Option Three: Remember

Memoirs of a Girl: Option 3 Love

SN: Eddie

This story isn't actually my favorite, but my second favorite. My first favorite is 4000 words long. But I like this because it is probably my best in terms of writing.

MANGO MANGO MANGO

"You're Still the One" by Shania Twain

LAVANYA: My username is Eddie, and I'm Sudanese.

benniegirl: Option 1 (Song Prompt): The First Cut is the Deepest -- Sheryl Crow

Hdysl: Long Story


A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 66 of 66

  • Lauren Noir
    August 23

    Edit | Reply
    The description of him running is incredible. I've never seen it like that, you just captured something that gives someone a sense of something else.

    I liked how you used the word "beautiful" it always means something more to me, not just "pretty" or "cute"
    Fluff can be good


  • Melancholic Smile
    August 18

    Edit | Reply
    I started reading this from the CCC list and realised I have read and commented on it before! It is still very sweet the second time round and an enjoyable read

  • Marta gold member
    August 18

    Edit | Reply
    Ya got a gazillion trophies what more praise could you want?

    I actually did like this alot. It was well written and romantic and yes, sappy but also beautiful.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Lady Pixie Greeters member
    August 18

    Edit | Reply
    I believe I've read this before.. it seems familiar. Whether I've commented before, though, I don't know. It was an enjoyable read with a lot of good, sweet visuals. I particularly loved P9- lyrics to one of my favorite songs

    I did catch some things, hope you don't mind

    P17:
    Alrighty Mayer. Keep going, it's none of your business, he thought as his breathing finally became steady and even.

    comma after Alrighty. And I always suggest using single quote marks (the one's you use for apostrophes) or italics for thoughts just so that it's visible to the reader.


    P19:
    Damn it...he thought. How could I have said that out loud? Did he hear me?

    Once again, just another suggestion for the single quote marks or italics to show thoughts.

    Other suggestion I may offer is that you have quite the long contest list... that could be a turn off for some judges Something I always do is that if I didn't win a trophy and the contest is over and judged, I click on remove from contest so that it takes some of the massive amount of contest space away from the piece. But, it's only a suggestion- not something I'd say you'd need to do

    I adored the repetiveness in Ps 25, 27, 29 and 31 and the ending line of "So beautiful". It invokes a lot of emotion into the reader.

    I really enjoyed the read of the sweet blossoming love story here.
    Wonderful job

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Dual.Of.Fireflies
    June 29
    Edit | Reply
    I really LOVED this! Good job and i really ENJOYED it!!!!


  • SoundInkMusic
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    Fluff really isn't my kind of thing, but this was still a nice depiction of "love at first sight." You write well, nothing at all to complain of on that front this just didn't particularly leap out at me or grab my attention; I suppose because love stories have become relatively commonplace. At any rate, it was still a nice read, and I thank you for entering.

    Good luck with the contest.


  • FearedCries
    March 2
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for your entry in my contest. The story was really good.

  • Thedamned77
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    It was...beautiful. A wonderful story of how love can be found anywhere. There were hardly any grammar mistake and the imagery was beautiful. I think you spent a bit too much time describing his love of running, though. The first half of the paragraph would have done just fine. Other than that, great job!


  • taylor-swift13
    February 25

    Edit | Reply
    I read this yesterday and got sidetracked do I forgot to leave a comment.
    This is better than the first one. I don't know why but it seems to come together easily.
    Like the other one, you couldn't stop without reading the whole thing.
    Great work!!!

    =D Pomodorina


  • lavanya
    February 22

    Edit | Reply
    good job hon,
    i think this is really very beautiful story. soft but intense,i found it well discribed and perfect without any error. emotions were flowing smoothly and thats the beauty of this story. well done, keep it up. no doubt you have fire hidden inside you ,and i can see you are using it nicely .
    good luck and keep smiling.


  • sjhunt gold member
    February 22

    Edit | Reply

    thumbs up!

    A beautiful story of longing that is depicted in both Noah and the boy. The boy does the same thing Noah does in the end, he runs. Noah runs too, to escape his reality. The boy runs so he won'nt have to meet his reality. The beginning paragraph threw me a little bit. I'm not sure who Luke is. However I love the use of the language the use of the word falling and fallen. How true, how true! I really enjoyed the depiction of the Newport Beach Sunset. I live in Florida now, but in the eighties, I lived in Laguna Beach. You brought me right back there! I met my partner in Laguna beach twenty-four years ago at the Cottage restaurant. I worked there as a waitress and she came in with a date. We've been together ever since. Love does happen and when it does, it explodes in you like magic.

    Stay Cool,

    Susan

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • TheDecree
    February 15

    Edit | Reply
    okay, this was really sweet, and gorgeously romantic, now everthing kinda meshes together from ready your other story, and now, this one. I loved the innocent sweetness of this story and it very much well written.

    Nice write. (:

    Good luck in my contest. (:


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    February 14
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for your entry!


  • Ashlyn Rose
    February 7

    Edit | Reply
    This one was amazingly better. The first line caught my attention right away and thats good. With this you might stand a chance of winning but with how many contests you've already entered it in will not help you start entering new stories


  • Lois.Stone
    February 1

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed your writing! It's very detailed and full of emotion. As much as I'm not keen of, as you put it, fluffiness, I really like it. Which is saying a lot. I would love to read more, and think you did a very well-done piece.
    Improvements... I want to say none, but I guess I'll have too. The grammar, spelling, and story was perfect.However, I felt, in could be slightly longer. That's it. Really. It was that good. And, it should only be longer because you write so beautfully and I want more!

    Good luck in my contest
    Loisxx


  • crazy.hott.salsa
    January 29

    Edit | Reply

    Super Good I enjoyed it ALOT!!!!!

    I absolutely enjoyed reading this entry! Thanks sooo much. It was well written and very interesting....
    Say HEllo the the finalists list


  • XxXDreamWeaverXxX
    January 21
    Edit | Reply
    I agree with W.E.Bessaw, I like how you do the summary at the start.


  • Web Haunting
    January 19
    Edit | Reply
    slightly corny, very lovey-dovey-fluffy, and absolutely adorable!!!!! ^_^


  • Just Breathe.
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    This is amazing, beautiful! I love it a lot, the detail was great, everything about it was great, it captured me from the beginning! Great job and good luck in my contest!

  • alcoholicmexican
    January 8
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for entering the contest. enjoyed the story

  • BurntUmber
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    I've read your work before, and this even raised the bar higher! Excellent job! Good job and good luck!


  • Living.Disaster
    January 2

    Edit | Reply

    Good Luck

    It was very cute,
    I really enjoyed reading it

    Good Luck in my Contest
    and Thanks for Entering.


  • wolf-storm
    January 1
    Edit | Reply
    nice story thanks for entering the contest i really enjoyed.


  • beezy92
    December 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    PS...I caught one typo.

    "Manner" should replace "matter" I think, in this sentence: The adrenaline pumping through his veins as he breathed in and out in a precise, calculated matter

  • beezy92
    December 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Damn, you entered this in a lot of contests. (: I liked it, despite the disclaimer and the synopsis at the beginning (generally a huge no-no for me). I'm a sucker for A Walk To Remeber too...even though I hate how Christian's are portrayed, I like the rest of the movie. (: Anyway nice write, nice descriptions. I'm not gay and I'm a girl, but this was still a sexy story. There's something about boys kissing Well not usually but at least right now. (: Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!


  • Rose Hathaway
    December 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Thyanks for entering my contest

    I loved this peice, I really felt the emotional connection, and the imagrey was fantastic! I felt like I was there watching everything. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck


  • Yeshua
    December 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering "Love like a Rose" in "My Little Gem" and making it a fun contest for everyone. Due to an inundation of contest entries I will not be able to give an extensive comment on every entry. Good luck in all of your writing endevors.

    God Bless,
    Yeshua


  • Imaru-Mi-Amore
    December 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I didn't think it was cheesy at all!! I thought it was really heartfelt and it captured me completely...

    As for unrealistic... ah well who cares...

    I'm in love love love with this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!


  • DarkestPassion
    December 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this was pretty cool actually, nice story


  • Asonine
    December 10, 2008
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    I really like this story, I have read it before but I still like it just as much lol

    good luck


  • On.Cue
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It wasn't too terribly cheesy, but it was terribly unrealistic.

    However, you do have a wonderful talent for capturing what is going around in the setting as well as details for the characters and the emotions.

    Good job.


  • StarOfDreams23
    November 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is great!!!!! It did make me cry!!!!! Great write!!!!


  • YaoiQueen Killa
    November 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    ahuh I have read this one before

    Thanks for adding this to my contest, along with your other two


  • KalineReine
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awwwww!!! Cuteness! I didn't think it was cheesy at all. The way you write love is a very interesting point of view. It seemed like you were going for a more easygoing feel with this one, which I like. Very nice. ^_^


  • Noisome.
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this, but, I'm not quite sure what option you were tackling here.
    Tell me which and I'll go back over it!


    • Eddie
      November 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Oh, sorry! That was my bad

      I went for option one, which I think was memories.


  • donuts-and-music
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    it was good. I remember reading view from an outsider, which was the same characters. I think i liked that one better, but i still enjoyed reading this. Good job!


  • georgiaz
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    good
    i didnt enjoy it as much as some of your other stories

  • Ahava
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "The sun shone around the boy's body, kissing his body in a golden aura." Too many bodies in that sentence!!
    However this is a really good story. Very well written.
    I would like to know more.
    how did Noah learn the boy's name? What happened later? Etc...
    It wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but I don't think I'll DQ you. Haha. Too well written for that! Good job and keep writing. You are GOOD AT IT!


  • DeathNoteYaoi
    November 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awwww this story is beautiful story i love it i wanted to read more and more BUt a great story.

    Thanks you

    DNY--


  • Inkling
    November 5, 2008
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    Forgot these. o.o

  • Inkling
    November 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    O.O I really don't know what to say. x3 It was really good...interesting...well-written. So, I'm just going to say (like the good judge I am ) good luck in meh contest!


  • Eresipel
    October 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! That was really very good! Though you didn't really stick to the prompt... which was kinda the point... If you had read the instructions then you would know what I'm talking about. It really is a good story.


  • donuts-and-music
    October 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    another enjoyable read, and very well written. I really enjoy your writing, it is very easy to get lost in


  • MidniteRockers
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    A beautiful, strange story. It was very entertaining and lovely describtion. I could almost picture this happening. One story that really meant alot to me, very good. Infact BRILLIANT!
    Good luck
    Lolly x

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 3.


  • Neolittlefish
    October 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    At first I thought it was going to be too cheesy but then you won me over with you're wonderful descriptions. Well done ans thanks for entering.


  • Be.Your.Own.Hero
    October 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow Wow Wow!

    That was so beautiful! Weird, cheesy but beautiful nonetheless! Your descriptions really hooked me, you detailed things so flawlessly and clearly. The imagery was fantastic. I really enjoyed this. Thank you for entering and good luck!

    ~*Princess*~

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Toxic Paradox
    October 4, 2008

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    Please let me know as soon as possible who else's story you have commente on or else I won't be able to accept this entry. Thank you.


    • Eddie
      October 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Okay, I fixed it! Sorry about that I commented on Letting go of perfection by Writing0Freedom.


  • Lady Eventide Greeters member
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The descriptions in this are rather beautiful. I liked that I could imagine both characters. I mean, wow. The emotion was so real, so pure, so raw that I could feel it.

    I do wonder how this love came about. I mean, it seemed sort of awkward that they met and fell in love and started kissing only moments after meeting. Oh, but the power of love at first sight! Who can explain it?

    Other than that, this was a rather sensational piece. Good job and thank you for entering.

    I wish you luck in your future writerly endeavors,
    Lady Editor


  • Fearless.
    September 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That story was good. I haven't really read gay stories like that before so it was kinda new for me. But it was still really good.

    ~Devil Angel~


  • Someday Hero. gold member
    September 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ^^ So sad, and yet to happy. I'm not into the gay storys very much(I have nothing against them...some of my friends are gay) its just because its hard for me to see in my mind I guess. Anyway this fit nicely, and this was very well done. ^^ I loved it. Good luck in my contest.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Kevan gold member
    September 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome.
    Simply awesome.
    Such a beautiful story and I'm glad to have read it. You said it was cheesey, but I didn't find it very much so. It was really romantic, well-written and authentic. Excellent job and good luck in all your contests.

    xoxox
    Kevan.


  • Forbidden Romance silver member
    September 26, 2008
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    OMG! You're on the Vanhansis board! I know you! Wow! So cool.


  • A m b r e a
    September 25, 2008

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    There is such amazing imagery in this story, I could feel every sensation like I was one of the characters! I really enjoyed this write! I hope that you expand on it!!


  • Thorn-on-the-Rose
    September 23, 2008

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    er, okay, so I had one rule for my contest, it was bold huge and red, how could you miss it? It said nothing over 1000 words, your story is 1800, so, i'm sorry, but I'm afraid you won't be winning.

    -Dani

  • sunslave
    September 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    omg omg omg!!!!!

    that was so beautiful I cant get over it!!! this was amazing! so freiking amazing im going out of my freiking mind!!!!! WOW please dont stop here!!!!!!!

  • Melancholic Smile
    September 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You described the feelings of teenage love so well in this story and even though the bit at the beginning about it being extremely cheesy etc did make me roll my eyes, I am glad that I read it. Yes there are parts that are a bit unrealistic - but in our imaginations anything is possible and anything can be reality - so that didn't matter so much. You wrote it well and kept me interested from beginning to end. Good job and thanks for entering


  • crookedheart
    September 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This has some beautiful potential. Though it probaby is a bit unrealistic, it captures the reader's optimistic desire for experiences like this to be possible, which makes it ok. It could use some revision but I hope you expand on it because I think it could turn into something really poignant.


  • Eddie
    September 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Irish Ducttape


  • bird-mad girl
    September 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    To be honest, when I read your note at the top, warning us of the dreaded future fluff, I thought, "Oh god not one of THESE stories." but I went on any because one rule (in one of the contests you entered) states we must read from others so I figured I might as well just get this over with. I don't think I've ever been so thankful that that rule was put into a contest! Kudos to the contest holder because I found something on here actually WORTH reading.

    This wasn't cheesy at all. I was pleasantly surprised. You wrote this piece beautifully. The language was dazzling. There was such fervor and ardor in this piece it blew me away! This was something that spoke volumes on the power of a kiss and beauty.

    Good luck in your contests!
    Though, I doubt you need any of it.


  • Adelaide Blood
    September 20, 2008
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    Nice

    good read, very interesting, and it matches the song pretty well, I'll assume this is your second entry in my contest, which is fine, and thanks for the great read! It was interesting, and lucky for you I'm a fav of maleXmale relationships.. They are just sooo cute ^^


  • Luckyk
    September 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hmmm

    Well it didnt make me cry but yes i felt something. This is my first reading of a gay story. I've seen gay couples excluding the piece where the boy left it gives a picture of what they are feeling. Great read, Good Luck


  • LittleMissChrissie
    September 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Good


    Hahaha. It didn't make me cry, that's true, but it did make me feel something. I felt empathy for the main character and it was the best gay story I've read on SW, and I've read a few of them. It was a brilliant story and I think you should write more of this kind of story.

    The very best of luck in the contest.

    Chrissie


  • cole3313
    September 18, 2008

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    It was amazing and so cute. awwwww. It didnt make me cry but it was really good. Wow lucky me, killing two birds with one stone! Im in the teen story group. =]


  • olive.opera
    September 13, 2008

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    You know, I really don't go for gay stuff - if that's what this is, because I didn't hear you call it that or whatever - but this is pretty much the best writing I've ever read. Congratulations, I was very touched.
    God's Blessings,
    kite

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