The Seven

DISCLAIMER:::1

I added this story because I liked its potential. However, if you have ever read "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon, you will quickly notice that this is VERY nearly a copyright infringement and a huge plagiarism, if not outrightly so. For that I apologize. The plot of the two stories are completely different, but the writing style, some character traits and details are eerily similar. I read the book, loved it, and a couple years later wrote this story. Then I went back and read the book and thought, "Oh s***." I had no idea how similar the two would end up being, and for that I apologize. I unwittingly plagiarized some stuff. Anyway, here's the story, and except for that I like it. The disclaimer is here so I don't get sued.2

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Don’t touch me.4

This is usually the first thing I say to people when I have to meet them, because it’s the most important thing they have to know about me. After that, I’ve made up a list of what people have to know about me.5

1. Don’t touch me.6

2. I know every prime number up to 85,531 and I remember everything I’ve ever read.7

3. I won’t walk on grass or sand.8

4. I don’t laugh or cry because I think it’s stupid.9

5. Don’t look at me.10

6. I don’t want to know anything about how you feel, because I don’t understand what you mean when you say things like, “I’m under the weather” because you are not actually under any weather and so it makes me feel stupid.11

7. I don’t like feeling stupid or being called stupid, so don’t call me stupid or I will hit you.12

And then these people I’m meeting usually walk away or make a funny face but I don’t care because I don’t know what one eyebrow up and one down and mouth twisted to the side means, and because I don’t like meeting new people anyway.13

* * *14

My name is Maxwell Arthur Boyd, but sometimes it’s also just Max. This fact wasn’t on the list of things you must know about me because most of the time people don’t care what my name is and they will think of other names to call me, but I don’t like the other names they call me so I just want to be called Max.15

I have one friend, and her name is Julia.16

Julia is my friend because I talk to her every day at the clinic and I’m not afraid of her and she doesn’t laugh at me and she calls me Max or Maxwell and I like that. 17

We always start with Current Events. She started off this session by telling me about a study she had read about, regarding autistic children and their lives as adults. She said that even the children who were very badly autistic usually got well enough by the time they were adults to lead almost-normal lives, with jobs and homes and everything. And it was all because their doctors figured out that there was a lot of metal poisoning in their systems and if you take the metal out the child is much better. And she said this was important in the search for a cure for autism. And she asked me what I thought about this and I said it was good. And I said that metal poisoning can come from eating too much tuna and she said that I was right. Then it was time for Free Discussion, and we always do the sessions in this order because I like that.18

Today we were supposed to be talking about what I did over the weekend. So I said that I had slept and walked and breathed and ate and read a book called Einstein’s Beautiful Equation and took a bath and fell down the stairs. And she asked me if I had been hurt when I fell down the stairs and I said no because I only got a scrape on my elbow. Then we talked about the book I had read and she had read it too because I had told her she should. And then it was time for lunch. 19

I looked at the clouds while I drank my wine, which I can drink because I'm 28 years old and that's allowed. I look at clouds a lot because they’re interesting and they’re everywhere, even on other planets like Jupiter and Venus, and because I don’t like looking at people’s eyes when they’re talking, not even Julia’s, which are nice because she wears pink glasses. And I think it’s nice that if I ever get to go to Jupiter or any of the other planets with clouds I can still talk to people without looking at them. I told Julia this and she asked me if not looking at people made me feel safe. And I said it did because if I look at someone then they’ll probably look at me, which I don’t like because it is one of my Seven Things to Know About Me.20

Julia knows all about my Seven Things, which is good because if she didn’t then she couldn’t be my friend. So then she asked me why I always stick to my Seven Things and did that make me feel safe also. And then I panicked because there wasn’t a rule about the List on the List and I didn’t want to say the wrong answer and I thought about how seven is a prime number and Cairo is the capital of Egypt and I had never been scuba diving and George Washington crossed the Delaware and latkes were made of potatoes and then there were too many thoughts in my head and so I screamed.21

* * *22

When I was small, the park near my school had a day that was specially for the
children from my school. And I had the same list then except number 2 was different because I didn’t know so many prime numbers when I was small. And they gave me an ice cream but I didn’t eat it and Walter had an epileptic seizure on the carousel and while we were waiting for the paramedics a teacher asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up. And because there wasn’t anything on my List called ‘What I Want to Do When I Grow Up’ I didn’t know what the answer was and when you don’t know what the answer to a question is that means you’re stupid.23

My mind works like a computer. I keep all my information in little files that are called ‘How to Make a Sandwich’ or ‘My Telephone Number’ or ‘Childhood Memories’ or ‘Capitals of European Countries’. So I thought then that if I went through all the data stored in my head I would find the right answer. So I thought about everything I had ever learned, like what 86 ² is and what elephants eat, and how paint is made, and where Finland is, but I still didn’t know and there were all those people and places and things in my head and I thought the teacher was calling me stupid so I screamed and tried to hit her and then I fainted.24

When I woke up there was a face standing over me, but it wasn’t my teacher, it was Julia. That’s because I had fainted when she asked me that question about my List and my wine had spilled and her pink glasses were crooked. She was saying something, but I didn’t hear what it was. Then she paid the bill and walked me to the bus stop and told me my appointment was tomorrow at the same time as today.25

Then I said goodbye without looking at her, so I can’t be sure but when I got on the bus it looked a little like she was crying.26

* * *27

Years ago, when I got home from that day at the park, I decided to spend all my time thinking about what I wanted to do when I grew up until I knew the answer. 28

And so I stayed up all that night thinking about it and by the next morning I had decided that since things and names and places and animals and facts from all over the world filled my head whenever I thought about it, I should travel around the entire world so I could learn everything there was to know. And then no one could call me stupid anymore because I would have all the answers to all the questions stored in my computer-brain.29

But when I went back to school and told my teacher this, she laughed and I didn’t know why she was laughing because I hadn’t made a joke. And she said that I could never travel all over the world because I didn’t like meeting new people and because of rules 3 and 5 on my List, which were the ones about grass and sand and people looking at me. And I agreed that there was probably a lot of sand and grass in the world that I couldn’t walk on and that there were a lot of people in the world who could look at me. And I thought it was a very good thing that my teacher had helped me realize this so I said thank you very much and she got a funny look on her face but I didn’t know what it meant so I walked away.30

And so for the next 15 years I kept thinking about something I could actually do when I grew up, but eventually I realized that I was grown up and I still hadn’t found anything, and I kept seeing new teachers and new doctors and life got on until my latest one, Dr. Hargrove, told me I was a hopeless case and referred me to someone named Dr. Summers and I still kind of wanted to travel around the world, so I wasn’t sad but I wasn’t happy, either.31

But it wasn’t all bad, because when I saw Dr. Summers, she had on pink glasses and I liked that. So I looked at her shoes which were also pink and I said, “Hello, Dr. Summers,” because that was being polite. And she said, “Call me Julia.”32

And that’s how I met my first friend.33

The first thing she ever asked me was what was the one thing I wanted most out of life. And I thought this was a funny question but since I liked her pink glasses so much I decided to tell her. And this is what I said.34

“What I want most out of life is to know what I want most out of life.”35

So she nodded and said that was a good answer, but I thought it had been a pretty strange answer for a pretty strange question. So then Julia told me to just take a guess and blurt out anything I wanted, anything I wanted to do with my life. And I told her that bit about wanting to see the world so I could know everything there was to know, and she asked why didn’t I. And I told her why and I told her about my teacher and Julia frowned, which was a good, simple thing to do because I could guess that she was unhappy. And I asked her why she was unhappy and she said that my teacher was wrong and that I could do anything I wanted. “You’re so smart, Max,” she told me. “It doesn’t matter that you don’t like to walk on sand or that people will look at you. What does matter is that you can do anything you set your mind to.” 36

And I said no I couldn’t because I had set my mind to lots of different things, like spontaneously combusting or finding a prime number longer than 10,000 digits, but I still hadn’t done those, and she took a pill and rubbed her face and said that wasn’t what she meant. 37

The second thing she asked me was whether I liked tuna fish.38

And then the session was over and like with the other doctors I walked to the bus stop not feeling any different, except this time there was a little blinking light in the back of my mind like a computer virus, and the virus was saying that maybe I should go see the world. I didn’t like what it was saying one bit.39

* * *40

That was exactly one year ago today. On the way back to the clinic to see Julia, I was thinking about how time seems to go so slow and so fast all at once, but then I remembered that’s stupid because time always goes at the same speed unless you’re traveling faster than the speed of light, which is impossible because light is the fastest thing in the universe. Then I thought about how yesterday when I spilled my wine and fainted and I didn’t even notice because all of my thoughts and the spilling and the falling happened in a split second, and I wondered if maybe time didn’t speed up sometimes after all.41

* * *42

Today the first thing Julia did was put one of those big black Magic 8 balls on the table. She said, “Maxwell, do you know what this is?” And I said, “It’s a
Magic 8 ball.” And she said, “Good.” Then she picked it up and handed it to me and said, “Give it a shake.” So I did, but Julia said I was supposed to ask it
a question first. And I said I didn’t want to because magic isn’t real and asking a ball questions is stupid. And she said, “Max, I want you to take this 8 ball home tonight and I want to you to use it to make some decisions. I want you to be a little spontaneous. Maybe then your Seven Rules will have less hold on you, and you can live your life the way you want to live it! Wouldn’t you like that, Max?”43

And then for just a split second that light in the back of my mind came on and I almost said yes, but then I was afraid because I didn’t know how to live without my Seven Rules and so I didn’t say anything.44

Julia whispered, “8 is bigger than 7, Max.”45

And I still couldn’t think of what to say so I just said, “But 8 isn’t a prime number,” which didn’t make sense but it was all I could think at the time.46

And Julia opened her mouth to say something but just then a look crossed her face and her eyes widened and she doubled over in pain. And even I could tell this and I thought she was having an epileptic seizure like Walter did that day on the carousel and so I jumped out of my chair to help. But just then she sat up again like nothing had happened, except she was breathing kind of hard. And I was scared so I looked at her and I sat back down. And I said, “Are you okay? What’s wrong, Julia?” 47

And this time she was the one who wouldn’t look at me and she said, “Nothing, Max, everything’s fine,” and I relaxed a little bit but I still didn’t believe her.48

And then she pushed the Magic 8 ball across the table to me and she smiled a little bit but it wasn’t good or simple because I could tell she wasn’t actually happy, and she looked like she was still hurting a little so it wasn’t a real smile. And I didn’t know what it meant so I picked up the 8 ball and I left.49

On the bus ride home I panicked again because I realized I didn’t know when my next appointment with Julia was because I hadn’t stayed long enough for her to tell me. So when I got to my apartment the first thing I did was call Julia’s office on the telephone. But Julia didn’t answer. Another woman did. And I said, “My name is Maxwell Boyd and can you tell me when my next appointment with Julia is?” And the woman said that Dr. Summers wouldn’t be at work tomorrow because she had to go to the doctor. And I asked if Julia would be all right and she said, “I haven’t got a bloody clue. Anything else?” And I said no and hung up and then I remembered the 8 ball.50

So I took it out of my pocket and I felt stupid doing it but I decided that I really wanted to know about Julia, so I shook it and asked if she would be okay. And a little blue triangle came up that said, “TRY ASKING AGAIN LATER.” So I put it down and got ready for bed and I forgot about it until the next morning.51

* * *52

I don’t dream and I don’t believe in God. That is, I don’t usually dream and I don’t believe in God, because both are stupid. When people dream they think their dreams mean something, but really it is only their brains going over everything they have done that day, like eating a sandwich or going to church or watching Wheel of Fortune. And then they like to think that everything in life has a meaning, or that they are very special, but the truth is that eating a sandwich or going to church or watching TV isn’t special and neither are they, because most people believe in God. And nothing in life has a meaning because the world works like a computer and there is nothing we can’t explain anymore with science. 53

But tonight I did have a dream, and the dream was that I was walking through the park from my childhood, the one with the carousel, and all of a sudden Julia appeared. And she was still wearing her pink glasses and she still looked like Julia, only she was wearing a wedding dress. She smiled and tried to take my hand, but I don’t like people to touch me so I didn’t do anything. And then all of a sudden I wasn’t in the park, I was in graveyard and it was raining and up ahead I could see people gathered around a coffin, and they were all crying but I wasn’t crying because I don’t cry and I couldn’t see who was in the coffin and Julia wasn’t with me anymore and she wasn’t with the people and so I wondered where she was.54

And then I woke up and I looked at the clock and it said 3:42 A.M. and I was shaking but I didn’t know why and then I felt stupid because I remembered that dreams don’t mean anything and the only people who think they do are stupid people. And then to help me relax I went through all the computer files in my head with pleasant memories in them, and then I felt better so I went back to sleep, but I was still shaking.55

* * *56

And when I woke up I realized that I didn’t have anything to do because I couldn’t see Julia today. And I remembered how much Julia had wanted me to be spontaneous, so even though I felt stupid again I decided this was a perfect time to try it. 57

So I picked up the 8 ball and I asked it what I should do today. And a little blue triangle came up and it said, “AS I SEE IT, YES” and that didn’t make sense, unless it was finally answering the question I had asked it earlier, but I didn’t see why it should have done that and so that meant the system didn’t work.58

And so I did what I usually do when I don’t have anything important to do, and that was sit down and think. And these are the thoughts that went through my head:59

1. Magic is stupid60

2.What would happen if I went faster than the speed of light61

3. Why don’t cows drink milk62

4. Is Julia okay63

5. Am I okay64

6. Is anyone okay65

7. Is it better to be crazy or stupid66

8. Why is Denmark called that67

9. Do fish drink water68

10. Is Julia okay69

11. Is Pluto a planet70

12. Do toilets really flush backwards in Australia71

13. If so, why72

14. Is Julia okay73

15. Are there aliens on other planets74

16. Was Virginia Woolf a lesbian75

17. Is Sasquatch real76

18. And the Abominable Snowman77

19. Can you really hear the Big Bang if you listen to static78

20. Is Julia okay79

I thought about each of these things for a long time. And when the day was over I hadn’t come to any conclusions, except for the ones about cows and Pluto, but definitely not the one about Julia. It was the second night in a row I’d gone to bed without any answers.80

The next day I went to the clinic early without asking about my appointment, and when I walked into Julia’s office she was sitting alone at the table. She smiled and said, “Oh, good, it’s you, Max. I was hoping you’d come today.” And she didn’t seem like she was in a lot of pain anymore but I still looked out the window at the clouds and said, “How are you, Julia?”81

And she told me to sit down because she had something to tell me.82

And even though I didn’t know what the look on her face meant, I still felt cold inside the pit of my stomach, which isn’t something I would usually say because it sounds stupid, but right then it was true.83

And she said, “Max, I have cancer.”84

And it happened again, all those millions and millions of thoughts started tearing through my brain, until my head hurt so bad I thought it would explode and then I felt a scream rising in my throat but I couldn’t make a sound. And I didn’t faint and I didn’t hit anyone. I just sat there and felt like I was going to die.85

And she said, “Max. Max, listen to me. You’re going to be all right.” She said it again. “You’re going to be all right.”86

She was the one with cancer, not me. It didn’t make sense that she was telling me I would be all right and so my head hurt even worse.87

She kept talking. “I still have a couple of months at least,” she said, “and that’s if the treatments don’t work. It could be I have up to a year… Oh Max, please look at me, I’m trying to tell you it’ll all work out… we can still talk to each other…”88

But there was only one thought in my head now, and even though the other millions had gone, this one hurt ten times worse. And this thought was that my only friend was leaving me.89

“You’re leaving me,” I said, even though I knew it wasn’t a fair thought. “You’re leaving me!”90

And then her eyes looked wet and she reached her hand across the table like she wanted me to take it but I didn’t want to because I don’t like people touching me so I sat still. And she said, “I love you, Max. Is it okay to tell you I love you?”91

But then I was afraid because this wasn’t supposed to be happening and she was scaring me. And I didn’t know what to say so I got up and looked at the floor and said, “Goodbye, Dr. Summers,” because that was being polite, and then I turned and ran out the door.92

* * *93

Dear Julia (crossed out) Dr. Summers (crossed out) Julia,94

I am sorry if I hurt your feelings when I ran away from you yesterday and I thought you should know where I have gone, and why. I’ll answer the ‘why’ part first. I’ve gone because I am doing what is called Following My Dream, and also because I don’t want to hurt you or anyone else anymore. I don’t want to hurt your feelings anymore and I don’t want to hit people or faint or spill my wine anymore. 95

I left on the first train this morning and eventually I will make my way to Mexico because that is where I’ll begin my journey around the world. Just like you said that day I first met you, it doesn’t matter that I can’t walk on sand or that people will look at me. I’ve decided I’ll do whatever I can to avoid both and if I look crazy doing it then that’s okay, because I’ve also decided that being crazy is better than being stupid. (I thought about it a lot.) And besides, people in other countries can’t speak to me anyway because I won’t understand what they’re saying and I’ll be fine with that because I won’t know if they’re calling me names or not. And so I will travel around the world like I’ve always wanted to and learn everything there is and this is called Being Brave. And you have helped me learn to Be Brave because you gave me the Magic 8 ball and even though I still don’t believe in magic it makes me feel safe when I carry it because I can pretend I’m talking to you.96

I really hope you get better Julia, and I’m sorry I’m not there to talk to you while you’re sick. But I got your address from the nice lady at your office and
so I will write you letters wherever I go in the world and I will tell you whether
the Abominable Snowman is real and why Denmark is called that and whether toilets really flush backwards in Australia and if so, why, because that is what friends do.97

Love, Max.98

That is the letter I wrote my only friend, Julia Summers, and I left it in her mailbox on the morning I left. I never got a reply because there was never
an address she could send it to, but I sent her many more letters after that and I have a feeling she got them all. Now I am in China and there is a lot to learn here, so I am well on my way to knowing everything there is to know and I have my Magic 8 ball and Julia Summers loves me and that means I am happy and so life is good.99