Chapter One1
Jace was just stepping out of the shower when something crashed into his living room. Because he was so paranoid in living alone, he usually showered with the bathroom door wide open and all the doors and windows locked. Today however, something had told him to shut the door and he was suddenly very glad for it. 2
He crouched down low and listened, reaching for a towel to wrap around his naked hips. Whatever had made the noise sounded like it had possibly broke through the picture window, but he couldn’t imagine something or someone wanting to get into his home that way. At this time of night, he would think they would try to be more quiet? 3
What the hell was he doing? Why was he trying to be logical here? There was a frickin burglar in his house! 4
He looked around the bathroom and searched for something, anything to protect himself if the burglar found him. He wanted to shut out the light, but figured whoever was in his apartment would notice the change and come charging through the door to kill him. 5
He settled for a straight edged razor and gripped it, staying low in his crouch and looking at the crack under the door. All was silent for so long, he almost got ready to stand and peek out, when suddenly something thumped into the door. 6
“I have a weapon!” he shouted, loud enough to startle himself. The bathroom was small and the noise reverberated in his ears. “Uh, and the police are on their way!” He shifted into better position and prepared to jump if attacked. But nothing met him but silence. “Hello?” he asked quietly feeling absurd. “Did you hear me? I’m armed.” 7
There was a scrap against the wooden door, that sounded like something light moving slowly in a repeat motion, just near the bottom. He heard something else but couldn’t make it out, almost like a whisper of some sort. 8
He moved closer to the door, clutching his towel at his waist in one hand and the blade in the other. He got down on all fours and put his ear to the crack, listening hard. 9
“…help…” a male voice was whispering, over and over, followed by the repeated scratches. Now what? Should he open the door? Should he charge out ready to strike? 10
He stood to his full height and looked around the room. He needed something better to defend himself if the attacker was ready to fight. He knew very well the whispers and scratches could rightly be a trick, but he couldn’t help but feel the need to help. It was just his nature. Gullible and soft. 11
Not this time though. He would be ready if needed. He wouldn’t fall into a trap. 12
He opened the cupboard and looked in, smiling when he saw the plunger in the back. The wooden handle would be perfect. Better than the small blade in his hand, but he would hold onto that too. He pulled out the plunger, making a lot of noise so that whoever was on the other side of that door would know he meant business. 13
When he had the rubber bottom of the plunger off, he gripped the stick and reached down to open the door. It had to pull in, leaving him for that moment of blindness, but he was hyped and ready to fight. 14
“I’m coming out!” he yelled before realizing it wasn’t the greatest idea. So smart to TELL the burglar you are getting ready so that they can get ready. “I’m..I’m armed!” He waited only another moment then pulled the door open and jumped out, stick up and ready. He shouted loudly in attempt to frighten, but ended up tripping over something and getting sent face-first into the closet across the hall. He twisted his body to face forward, pulling the stick up again, only to be met with a heap laying in his hallway. 15
The man, draped in something wet and black, was only moving a finger, up and down the wall, showing no menace at all. Jace stared at him for a long time, weighing his options, then figured what the hell. If the man would attack him then he would. He would be ready whether he was sitting in the closet or moving to help him. He was obviously injured. Badly. 16
Jace pulled free of the mess he made in the closet and gripped the blade tightly. “I..I’m going to come near you. I will c…cut you with t…this if you try anything,” he said, getting onto his hands and knees. 17
“…help…,” the man whispered again, not moving anything more than his long finger. Jace pulled in his breath and scooted close, hesitantly bringing his hands to the man’s shoulders. Perhaps he should call for the police. Just leave the man and let the police handle it. “…help…” the whisper came again, “…please…, no poli…police,” the voice was so soft, and almost musical in tone, Jace shifted closer for a better look. 18
What he got was an eyeful of the most incredible looking male he had ever laid eyes on. Aside from the blood that was coming from his beautiful lips, he was flawless. His eyes were shut but the dark lashes only gave a tease to what was behind the lids, his nose was perfect and straight, and his cheeks, though pale, were chiseled perfectly. He had a slight bruise up the side of his jaw, creating a slight swelling, but Jace could tell his jaw-line was as perfect as the rest of him. “What happened to you,” Jace whispered leaning close and reaching out on instinct. He pushed at the silky hair that was falling over the man’s forehead and gasped at the jagged cut at his hairline. He would need stitches. “God, I need to call for help,” he said moving slightly. 19
“P…please, no…I can’t…” 20
“Are you in trouble? Running from cops?” 21
“Inflictors,” the man whispered, “Please, they …” 22
Inflictors? The man was obviously crazy with whatever was going on with him. Jace moved again, but a hand reached out and caught his. The feeling that shot up his arm was nothing he had ever felt, making him sink back down. The grip instantly released and again, the finger moved along the wall, scrapping lightly with a blood-stained but cropped fingernail. “Uh, I don’t really know what to do here,” Jace said looking the man up and down, trying to weight his injury. 23
“Just please…no authority…help me,” he voice was weaker than before as if the movement had taken it all out of him. “Please, I won’t…hurt…” The man’s body relaxed fully, telling Jace he had lost consciousness…now what? 24
End One25
Author notes
Introduction of the Inflictors and Lisige next
Tell me what you think! YAY! SO excited for the new story!!! Yay Yay Yay!
In a list
- Romantica group list • next in list
A contest entry
- BOREDOM!!!!!! by WanderingKiKi.
150 points, ended September 21, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Good or No?
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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oooh man.
i love you!You have a brilliant mind
grerat job.
cheers
Hunter~
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Wow! That was really good! It kept my attention with the suspense and great descriptions. It was very well detailed, and a well written first chapter. Nice job and keep up the amazing work!
~*Princess*~
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Thank you!
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This is a good story and I was intrigued at the end to read more, and find out more about this strange man. However since entering my contest I see you have won a trophy for it - well done! But for this contest you can't have won any so that's why I took it out. Keep up the good writing though
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awww
boooohooo..
Good luck with the other entries
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Goos story. I like Jace and this new fellow is intriguing. I'm looking forward to reading more. One thing that made me pause though is the first paragraph. It says Jace usually showers with the door open, but this time something told him to shut it, and then a strange man just happens to crash into his living room? Either Jace is psychic, or I can see the author pulling the strings. If a character is going to act against their nature, it's more realistic for there to be a reason. But that's just my opinion. Otherwise, it was wonderful and I'll be sure to read the next part.
. Rewarded 8
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Will keep that in my mind! Thank you!
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Ok short and sweet which i liked...Jace, sigh , Jace is...well simply put he made me laugh. You made his paranoia more of a gift of laughter than his flaw
which i really enjoyed. I enjoyed reading this. Well developed.
Good Luck in the contest.
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you!
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One thing I will admit, reading the purple font on my computer gives it a sort of 3-d affect which is quiet humorous.
I think you visoned the scene really well.
In the very first paragraph alone you ler us know right away what one of his flaws was: his paranoia, which most can connect with.
I really enoyed this chapter, it was so ingaging.
The part I enjoyed is his reactions. I love stories that drag me in so deeply that I do not want them to end.
From start to finish you kep me intersted, wondering, waiting..needing more and more.
I found it somehwat humourus that he chose a razor then a plunger and the way that you brought his axciety and fear out with his reactions towards the noise. Almostr like he was talking himself into being the bigger man !!! I could not imagine what that fear would be like, but I can invision it in this part: It was brilliant - You did a job at making this real, bringing light to the character while developing him as one at the same time.
The antagonist, he was a captivating character. I adored the way you brang him into the chapter- I was instantly set in motion to care for him myself. I wanted in, I wanted into the story- he seemed so helpless, to afraid it was so intense, while at the same time it was a relaxing scene. If that makes much sense.
I do so much love this line: “I..I’m going to come near you. I will c…cut you with t…this if you try anything,”
What captured my attention and raised immediate questioning was "The inflictors" I think that adding a threat so early, (in the begginning) was a wise plot move and so near to end, it just makes me as a reader crave to have my questions Awnsered.
So far, I love it- I was not knowing what to excpect. But I am glad that I took my time to read such a well crafted, plot wise piece of work.
I am notr good with Grammar, so I wont detail and bore you with that. I am sure you will find your way with this, but it did not distract from the story one bit.
Well Icy - You have my attention and if the story is as good as this wee bit I have read today - Then you have me captivated.
Hope the comment was not to long, but I do like to share my options as best as I can.
I will be reading on !
Blair
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ThAnK YoU BlAiR!!!!
I tried my hand at slight humor Thank for reading and commenting...! Glad you like it! ♥ Cat
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Well this is a totally good start on something. I like intrigue and this reeks of it. Good writing.
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Thank You Rovingone!
Thanks for the applause! Love all those little guys
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Loved it...Sweet
i loved it...i agree w/ Hermanator1 their were a few typos but other then that it was amazing...also i agree w/ Dyiti, I love the idea of the Inflictors and know i am goign to like their part of the story more, Great name too...Jace...keep it up *falls out of her chair shouting more...
*
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Thanks! Excited right lol...thanks again!
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Ooh interesting
Great start and you built the scene well. One could find a trace of your humor within the fear of the moment. Worth looking forward to.
Couple of typos but otherwise, nicely done.
Paragraph 3 Possibly rather than possible.
" 5 The door - typed to door
" 9 Waist not waste
" 24 Had taken not had took
My input to make you perfect instead of 99.9% perfect.
LOL
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Thank you! All taken care of!
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So Soon????...Great!
Hey! I didn't think you were going to be starting this so early! Great beginning! I love the idea of the Inflictors and know i am goign to like their part of the story more, but i am excited to follow you along for the ride Great name too...Jace...can i have it for my own stuff? haha...
Alright, well, i will look forward to more
Rian 
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^^^^^^^YipYipYipYip^^^^^^^
What can i say Luv, when i am feeling inspired, i pounce jinxykitty
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