Freezing Ice (Chapter 2 Burning)

Wind was pounding on my face as I raced through the black forest,the moon was full in the sky. My mind was filled with thoughts, but I had know idea what about. When I neared the village I saw a couple walking toward the pond hand in hand, my head was instantly filled with ice cold thoughts about what I could do to ruin every little bit of their happiness. I thought to myself, why not spare a little time before retreating to my little hole in the world.A smile spread across my pale white face, showing all of my teeth (sharp as daggers to the touch). I slipped into the shadows unnoticed to the surroundings, unnoticed by the lovestruck couple not knowing what fate had in store for them next. Indeed they had no idea of what was to come. In the silence of the night there was two shrilling screams not very far from the town. I slipped back from the shadows wiping a stream of bright red rose blood from my lips.1

Disappearing back into the forest I said in a cold whisper " I've got all the time in the world since I'm DEAD..........2

"All the time in the world" The thought burned a hole in my head as I slowed, nearing the place with the name of home. I slowly opened the door which made a load moan, I heard movement behind me and turned quickly to see what it was. My stepfather stood about five feet behind me. "I thought I told you to be home by eight boy" He said in a icy voice."Hey,I'm talking to you boy and you better answer me or else" He said as he picked up his belt on the table. I tried to run but he grabbed my arm and slammed me against the hard cold floor.My senses where overwhelmed by how much alcohol I could smell on him. I wanted so bad to fight back, to rip his throat out and break his fingers one by one while he was still alive. So he to could feel the pain he had put me through all these years. But something kept me chained to the ground, chained and helpless."Are you even listening to me boy,huh?" I tried to focused on what he was saying, but I just couldn't, I just............3

Faded out.

I'm done with this chapter,how do u like it?

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Comments


  • emochick517
    September 19

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    wow

    that was way better then the first nice job shelby are you gonna be writing more? if you are I cant wait to read them/ it


  • StarLightVampire23 gold member
    September 7
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    Hey Chelsea...I like the story. I really do wish you would try to convince your parents to let you get an acount. I dislike the idea of you using my username. I'm ok with it but it's getting a little annoying. ~Star~


  • NiennaCalmcacil
    September 7

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    I found it interesting that you titled the chapter "burning" while almost the entire time, the temperature of everything was ice-cold. Felt like being opposite?

    You're doing better with the paragraphing-- it was much easier to read. You could probably break them up even more. Also, maybe brighten the font slightly. I can read it fine, but some other people may not be able to.

    Still got some typos, but that's alright.

    Great job =) This is getting to sound quite interesting...
    Is the narrator a vampire?


    • StarLightVampire23 gold member
      September 7
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      :)

      Thanks for commenting, I think i did better on this one than the first to. And no it's not narrated by a vampire,actually I'm kind of switching back and forth between both lives.