Emily sat at her computer chatting with her friend, Nancy, whose messenger ID was Turtledove. Emily was Ghostlover. They were best friends on and off the net. Emily lived by the lake, while Nancy resided in town. 1
Emily Thimble's mother was of Mexican-american ancestry and Emily's dark eyes and hair, and also her skin's tanned appearance came from her mother's genes. She was dressed in faded blue jeans and her favorite pink sweater.2
It was Saturday afternoon and the girls were talking about school, silly boys, and their new fifth grade teacher. 3
Turtledove: Mr Larson is dreamy4
Ghostlover: Yeah, he sure is5
Turtledove: Do u think he's married6
Ghostlover: Probilly7
Turtledove: u ready 4 the math test8
Ghostlover: Yeah, r u9
Emily's room caught the sun from the western sky, pouring bright rays through the thin blue lace curtains, shading her white, gold-trimmed furniture with a spectrum of blues. Lavender permeated the air and the fresh scent of clean linen. Her fingers raced over the buttons of the keyboard as she chatted with Nancy over the internet. The rattle of the keys could barely be heard as Enya's music sailed from the computer to her ears. Focused on the screen, at first she didn't hear the voice of her mother.10
“Have you done your homework?” asked her mother.11
“I will, Mom,” replied Emily.12
“Get off the computer now and do your homework,” her mother insisted.13
“Oh Mom.”14
“I said, 'Now!'”15
“Okay, Mother.”16
Ghostlover: gtg Mom's being a grouch17
Turtledove: k cya18
Instead of doing her homework, she took her doll, Francine, sneaked out of the house, and went down to the dock by the lake. She climbed in the row boat tied to the wooden structure and sat on the hard oak bench. Angry with her mother, she told Francine, “I wouldn't interrupt you when you were talking with your friends.”19
A fishy smell came from the placid water of the lake. Though she knew she wasn't supposed to, Emily untied the boat, then using the oar, she cast off into the lake. The paddle splashed and made ripples on the mirrored surface. Emily could feel the air cooling and ghosts of steam began to appear. Emily didn't realize a fog was setting in.20
Having maneuvered the craft with her father present in the past, she felt that she knew how to get back to shore. The mist grew heavy, making her feel cold and clammy. Soon she was surrounded by fog, unable to see the shore. She panicked. Paddling faster and faster, she hoped to get back to the pier. 21
Hours passed and darkness fell. Tasting the heavy odor of the lake, her stomach felt empty and queasy. She wished she had something to eat, she wished she was safe at home, but she was scared and all alone. Everything was cold, wet, and dark. She could see nothing; it was pitch black. Only the sound of the oar, splashing in the water, could be heard. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she sobbed in failure, frustration, and fear.22
Tired, she forced herself to keep rowing. Finally the fog lifted and she could see the stars and a bright moon above her. Looking, she spotted the shore line, but she saw no dock. So happy she was to see land, she paddled toward it with all her might. 23
Landing the boat on the muddy shore, she pulled the boat up on the gradual incline. Although the fog had cleared, it had become dangerously cold and Emily was deeply chilled and wet. 24
Carrying Francine with her, she looked for some sort of light, an indication that someone might be around to help her. She shivered and her teeth chattered. “Ew, it's cold,” she said to Francine, her teeth rattling.25
Emily walked for the longest time. She was weary from rowing and walking. Finding no sign of people, she decided to find a place to sleep. The moisture and cold were awful. She found a dry spot of ground surrounded by rocks that helped to block the wind some distance from the lake. “I guess this is the best we can do,” she told Francine. Emily curled up next to the rock and tried to sleep. She was miserable.26
She must have dozed and she awakened to the movement of what seemed to be a shadow. At first she was more startled than scared. It moved again and she realized it was a large animal. Coming closer to her, she determined it was a large timber wolf. Cautiously the wolf came closer. Emily shook in fear and because of the cold.27
“Please don't hurt me,” she said. Emily wrapped herself in a ball with her arms around her knees. 28
The wolf could smell her fear and approached closely to sniff Emily. Emily had heard legends about wild animals. The one coming to her conscious thoughts, was that if you hold still and show no fear, wild animals will usually leave a person alone. Praying it was true, she held still and tried to be brave.29
Be it fortune or not, Emily had chosen the wolf's den to rest for the night. The female wolf, usually fearful of people, sensed that Emily was not a threat, and her maternal instincts came into play. First the wolf pawed Emily's leg and shoved her shoulder with its muzzle. She licked Emily on the face.30
“Please don't eat me,” begged Emily.31
The wolf seemed to like the taste of Emily's skin and continued licking her. When it quit licking, it regarded Emily in a strange fashion. Emily, though afraid, made herself reach out and pet the wolf on the head. She hoped the wolf wouldn't bite.32
The wolf pulled back briefly and then accepted Emily's touch. 33
Emily pet the wolf and the wolf seemed to enjoy it. “Nice wolf,” said Emily fearfully.34
Emily continued to pet the wolf her fear gradually declined. She became more relaxed. The wolf lay down beside Emily and Emily snuggled closely with her. 35
Emily slept the night next to the wolf. The warmth of their bodies together might have saved Emily from dying in the cold damp air. 36
Emily woke to the sunshine and only her Francine was there. The wolf had vanished as though it had been only a dream. It was still cold, but the sun warmed the air and the chill left her bones. 37
“Emily!” she heard faintly.38
“Emily!” she heard, echoing closer.39
“I'm over here,” she shouted. She started running toward the voices.40
Her father, three men, and two women gathered 'round her.41
“Are you all right?” asked her father with deep concern.42
“Yes, Daddy. I'm okay,” answered Emily with tears in her eyes.43
“I'm not going to tell you how upset I am with you,” he told her. “I'm just glad you're okay.”44
“I'm sorry, Daddy,” she said sincerely.45
“You could have died out here,” said her father wrapping a blanket around her.46
“I'm sorry,” she said again.47
“Well, you should be,” said her father in a mixture of anger and relief. “Let's get you home. Are you hungry?”48
“Yes, I'm very hungry.”49
The adults went to their boats and left in separate directions as soon as they all knew Emily had been found. Her father and another man, tied the row boat to a speedboat. Emily, the man, and her father got in the motorboat and they towed the rowboat back to the dock with them. Her father telephoned her mother and she was waiting at the dock when they arrived.50
“You had me so worried,” her mother said. “I'm so angry I could tan your hide! Don't you ever do that again!”51
“I'm sorry, Mama,” said Emily afraid she'd be punished. She could see the anger in her mother's face, but she didn't realize it was anger inspired by concern.52
“And you should be,” said her mother relieved. “I'm just glad that you're safe.53
“I won't do it again,” Emily promised.54
“I suppose you want something to eat.” They were back at their home, now.55
“Yes, Mama.”56
“Go get cleaned up and I'll fix you your favorite,” said her mother. “A hamburger and french fries. Now get on with you. Don't you ever worry us like that again.”57
Emily knew that she had been lucky and her parents chose not to punish her. She guessed that they felt she had been through enough. She told them about the wolf, but at first her parents didn't believe her. Later, though, they seemed to accept the story as truth. Some legends have a basis in fact.58
“You're just very lucky, little girl,” her mother concluded. Emily agreed with her whole heart.
In a list
A contest entry
- Prompts: The Unblockers of Writer's Block by x-sweet-sunshine-x.
400 points, ended October 21, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Calling All Western and Adventure Writers by Tricia3.
750 points, ended July 30, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Graduates of Storywrite Academy by SageSyren.
350 points, ended October 1, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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I thought this read familiar
I loved it then and I still do.
Thanks for entering this contest and good luck.
Brooke -
A good story but the way you opened it at the start, I know how this is going to sound, but it was almost formal or distant. I had difficulty proceeding.
It's definately a nice story, designed for small children, and could have potential on the market since moral based stories are often sought after but...I think this one needs a little work, the beginning anyway. I think you designed your characters flawlessly however, their personalities and dialogue were very realisitc so I do hope you won't take my comment too seriously. One opinion hardly matters on its own. -
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Hi Violette!
You decided to read me
! Thanks. Oh, it's for a contest. Oh well. Thanks, anyway.
Hmm? You don't care for the beginning? I feel this story needs some work, but don't they all. I may come back to it and try to do something with it.
Andy
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Very nice story
I can see it was written for the younger readers but you did a nice job. I liked the part about the wolf, and yes, I believe things like that occasionally happen.
Trish
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Hi Trish!
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it. This story was written for both a contest and a class. Also I was trying to break away from crime and horror erotica.
I'm glad you like it.
Andy
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You have a sweet little story with a good moral.
You were doing excellent on the grammar up until p32 "The wolf liked the salty taste of Emily's skin and continued licking her. When it quit licking, it regarded Emily in a strange fashion. Emily, though afraid, made herself reach out and petted the wolf on the head."
ok only one grammar point I guess is it should be "reached out to pet the wolf" As reached is the subject verb in this phrase pet does not need to be past tense.
My other comment about this paragraph is the first sentence. This is all from Emily's point of view. Saying "the wolf liked her taste" is from the wolf's point of view and she could not possibly know that it did, you could say "the wolf seemed to like her salty taste" that puts it back to Emily's pov as she's the one assuming that's why the wolf continued to lick her. You do this just fine in p34.
p41 "and two women gathered round her." "round" is a shape. They gathered "around her" if you still want to use the vernacular than use the apostrophe to indicate the missing letter; "gathered 'round her"
I enjoyed reading this and liked the little girl. Unfortunately you didn't meet the requirements of the contest as I said you need to do more than mention a smell. I only saw two small references to any smells at all. I'm afraid I'll have to remove it from the contest. That doesn't reflect on the story at all though, I think it was very good.
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Hi Toni!
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Thanks also for the suggestions. I implemented them. Actually, I believe that pet is both present and past tense. On rereading, petted felt funny.
I generally don't remove entries from my contest in order to avoid hurting anyone's feelings. I just don't include them in the finalists.
I didn't have anything on hand that used the sense of smell much better. I might have tried to adapt or write something, but I'm pretty tied up with the anthology at present.
Andy
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P.S. There is a contest by Eddie that allows chatspeak. You should also enter this in contests for children.
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Awww...what a wonderful little story. Where did the wolf go? Most wolf mothers would protect their children I think. I guess she got scared of the humans.
You have conveyed emotions really well here, especially anger and love.
Good luck in the contest!
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Hi!
I don't know where the wolf went. I didn't think out that character's role any further.
I'm very happy you like this story. I originally wrote for a both a class and a contest. It was written so it could be read by children.
Thanks for hosting and all the applause.
I checked Eddie's contests, currently there are none open to prewrites.
Andy
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Like it
I like this story. I mean, any child would probably love this story. Great job on this, and good luck in the contest! -
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm glad you think it is a good children's story.
Andy
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Gonna be honest with ya, Andy. I thought this story was kind of boring. Nothing really grabbed my attention, and I was half expecting the wolf to eat her (that might just be because I've read your other works though).
Good if read to a child, I suppose, but still boring. Sorry. -
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Thanks
Thanks for reading and commenting. I was trying my hand at a children's story. I passed the class. I was trying something a little different on you. Can't win them all.
Andy
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I like the story - it's very touching. The last sentence was great, it really wrapped things up. I read this before and meant to comment, but I must have accidentally not submitted it. Anyways, great job.
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Thank You!
I'm very pleased you like this story. I hope your contest is going well. Thanks for commenting.
Andy
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This was such a great story, I really enjoyed it. I especially liked the part about the wolf protecting the girl, that was sweet. Good luck.
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Thanks Stephanie
I'm very pleased that you like this story and that you feel it is good. It was probably a surprise to you that the wolf didn't eat the girl since it was written by me.
Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it.
Andy
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Thank's for entering!
Ok, let's see...
Must include: A wolf, fog, a boat, a girl, and the internet
Must answer this question: Legends - False or hidden truths?
Good luck and thanks for entering! -
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Revised Story.
I think it's better now.
Andy
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Hi
I've posted the story. I hope you like it. Thanks for hosting this contest. May you have many entries and much fun.
Andy
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That is fantastic! Yep. You are certainly a mix of inspiration and imagination.
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Yeah! lol! I love the picture, mate!
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Nothing really here yet.
But thanks for reading, comentign, annd all the applaue.
Andy
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clicked on this from popup and wanted to say LOVE THE PICTURE! lol...good luck in your contest Cat
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Hi.
I got that picture from Photobucket or Google. I don't remember now which.
Andy
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