Unbeautifully Yours

how could you not fall in love with a girl whose name is micaela?1

it's micaela, not michaela, not mikala, not michelle, but micaela. and im not beautiful, not anymore. i used to be beautiful. ive seen the pictures. i was a 1988 vintage original flower chid with an unpronouncable name. i was all blonde hair and big blue eyes. daisies in my hands and a killer sidekick. i charmed the bullies and tamed the troublemakers. i was beautiful and never even knew it. Now i'm unbeautiful, im short and curvy with red hair and blonde roots. im pale and always cold, with torn and bleeding lips. im not beautiful, and im sorry.2

its kinda sad, cuz i just want so badly to be beautiful. i want to be beautiful just for you. i want to be able to take your breath away. i want to be beautiful and different, something special. i dont want to be like all those other girls in their size 1 jeans and designer tops. i want to be beutiful in a pair of cut offs and a faded ramones shirt. with sharpie peace signs on my hand and old faded scars on my wrists. i want to be beautiful, skipping up a one way street, holding your hand pretending we're at woodstock or the warped tour or something. 3

i want to be your beautiful little druggie who'd never actually take drugs. the heroin addict who'd never shoot up, the junkie who cant stand junk. i want to be your beautiful oxymoron.4

i want to be able to hear you whisper, 'you're so beautiful.' i want to be able to belive that i am. 5

i think ill let you be my james dean, and ill be your marylin, only ill wear all black and streak my hair purple. and ill throw pink glitter on you, even though james dean would never have allowed that. but thats okay, cuz kurt cobain was hotter and he would have loved it.6

and ill hold your hand and pretend im beautiful, that im another clara bow, another short haired mandy moore with her long haired macon, another beautiful movie star learning how to deal, how to use the force. and ill listen to your silent whispers in my ear and play my bass, because how can you not love a chick who plays the bass.    7

and maybe someday i'll be beautiful. but for now i can't help wanting to be beautiful. all little girls want to be beautiful, and sometimes im still just a little girl.8

and ill dream the night away, pretending im that princess, the pretty one who finds herself and her prince. ill dream away the Mica i am now and be Micaela, the beautiful vintage original hippie chick, and maybe someday Mica will be beautiful too. 9

it's strange, it's like im two different people, because every once in a while ill look in the mirror and ill see someone else staring back at me, someone beautiful, and the Mica that i am will lean in close to the mirror and wonder if that could really be her. And Micaela will look back out and smile at us, telling me that im beautiful despite my faults. 10

and i'll be your punk rock princess if youll be my garage band king. and that makes no sense cuz im not a punk or a princess and you arent in a band, not yet any way. but ill say it anyway, ill say it again, if youre my garage band king ill be your punk rock princess. 11

i think i love you. and i don't know why. maybe because when im with you i feel dizzy and free and BEAUTIFUL.12

And i know you think im crazy, that im insane, in fact you're probably wondering how in the hell you got stuck with this psycotic girl. This Mica who is also Micaela and Ella and Mia and Tahiri all wrapped up into one wretchedly beautifully unbeautiful girl. you are probably thinking that i should be committed. but is it so wrong to want to be beautiful, to feel loved, that i want a neon pink band aid for my scraped knees and my broken heart?13

thats all i want, i dont want to mean something to everyone, i want to mean something to someone, i want to mean something to you, i want to be beautiful for you, i want to be the one who takes your breath away. 14

and i cant halp it, i cant stop it, i cant not hate the beautiful people people, i cant stop wanting to be beautiful. 15

i really can't help it. i just want to love and be loved. 16

I just want to be a beautiful vintage original 1988/2005 red haired, gray eyed, flower child princess, bass playing, gothic, hippie chick, oxymoron, with an unpronouncable name, who takes your breath away, who you cant help but love.   17

i just want to be beautiful, beautiful and safely in your arms...18