Freezing Ice (Chapter 1 Running)

It was the day that I died,I also started to live in the world. Not the kind you see now, but a different world, a more darker world........ 1

The real world.2

July 17, 18043

I lurked in the shadows watching a family inside their cozy house celebrating the warmth and joy of Christmas, stuffing their faces with food, and listening to a old record player filled with favorite oldies, or should I say newbies back then.I wished I had a family to celebrate the warmth of Christmas with. But instead I had rats, no oldies, and a growling stomach. Looking at the food was causing more frustration because I knew I couldn't have it. So I came down from my perch and walked a couple blocks north, then turned down an ally for a shortcut so I wouldn't have to walk an extra three blocks.Now usually I wouldn't do this but I was tired and just wanted to get back to the factory where I set up some old rags I had found, and go to sleep. Half-way down I got a cold chill that ran down my spine.I started to walk a little faster then I picked up to a quick run, when I heard something close behind me.Stupid foolish girl I thought in my head, stupid foolish girl.I could see the other side of the ally, but as much as I pushed myself I could not go any faster. Out of breath and bewildered, I came to the end finally wondering if I was being chased, or if it was just part of my imagination. Looking back I saw nothing but black. I knew it, it was my imagination after all." Ah Ha,I knew it" I said out loud.Turning back and walking toward the factory."Well at least I know something I need to work on, exercise"4

I watched as my pray walked away unharmed. Father is not going to be happy about this news, I thought. Looks like another beating tonight for me(:

I'm not done but do you like it?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments


  • emochick517
    September 19
    Edit | Reply

    nice

    i liked it so far... the ending wa kinda confusing though


  • NiennaCalmcacil
    September 6

    Edit | Reply
    Got some typos... "fulish" should be "foolish", "wathched" should be "watched" (though that was probably accidental) uhm..."pray" should be "prey"...You accidentally made a smiley face at the end instead of a frown (lol). Wouldn't want to be beaten, would we? Uhm...what else...well, try to organize into paragraphs instead of gi-normous ones.

    Otherwise, this sounds pretty good. I'd like to read a new chapter.


    • StarLightVampire23 gold member
      September 7
      Edit | Reply
      I will go back and fix those. Thanks for commenting on it, and I'll get that second chapter done. Already working on it.And i meant to put the smiley there,kind of for a sarcastic "YEAH!"


  • amanda vampiress
    September 6

    Edit | Reply
    I like this. I got a little confused at the end but thats probably my own fault. lol It sounds to me like the beginning of a vampire or werewolf or some creature story! Can't wait to read more if you finish it! Keep up the good work.