Goodbye Edward.

CHAPTER ONE
Edwards fingers danced across the piano into a lullaby that I knew too well. If tears were possible I would of cried, but they weren't. They never will be. I shouldn't think like that, like the old me, cause I'm not her anymore. I'm Nana Cook, top European model. The song was nearing the end. My blurry human memories told me that there would be a lingering note, then it would stop. Just like I had planned it, there was a lingering note then stopped.
Applause erupted through the audience, some seemed breathless by the song, I do believe that in my human experiences I was too, but that was many life times ago. I exhaled. Was I holding my breath too. I don't remember doing that. Edward stood up from his leather bench seat in front of the polished instrument. He strode to the center of the stage. Taking a graceful bow to the west wing, then the east, final he bent to the center. The clarity of my vision acknowledged his hair wisping with the slight breeze. The perfect way he bent to conclude his performance.
As he stretched upward his eyes fell upon me. The two black coals burning  through my gold eyes. Yes, they were scorching but not like I remembered from my human life. The agony too much to even look at. Did he know it was me sitting in the first row. He couldn't, I'm completely different. My hair has been dyed black and is in a fierce layered look, utterly straight. My clothes nothing even close to modest like I use to wear when I was human. For a full second, which is a long time, for a vampire a least, his eyes stayed on mine. I wanted to look away, my movements betrayed me. They stared onward at the pain filled creature on stage.
Edward, with weary movement, walked off stage. Did he know? My worst fears filled every drop of blood in my mutated body.
The seats around me began to empty as people left. I had to go, and quick if I wanted to keep my word. Walking through the crowd would slow me down, and if Edward really knew it was me he wouldn't hesitate to come to me, but I won't let him break the only thing we are tied by. His promise, to be as if he never existed. As long as we don't make contact his promise is as good as kept.
"The strangest thing." A bell like voice said beside me. My muscles tensed to see the threat. My gaze landed on the pixie like girl, Alice. Her hair spiky like always. I relaxed. "I see you walking outside...into the sunshine." She looked me down, up and back down agian in one quick motion. "But your one of us?"
"In a way I'm human, but also in a way I'm a vampire." I said trying to not blush, that would give me away more then anything. When I was human I always blushed as I do now. Alice turned back to the stage.
"That was my brother." She said almost like a question. "That song was about a human."
"Was?" I asked trying not to sound to interested, of course inside I was burning to find out what they all still thought of me.
"Yes, She died. He still loves her you know. His love...Bella." My body flinched at my human name. Alice noticed. "Is there something wrong?"
I tried to compose myself.
"Fine." I breathed, "That is just something that is rare to hear of."
"Yes," Alice flashed me a smile, a twist of dark humor trembled from her lips. Her smile faded and returned expressionless. "I'm sorry to keep you. I know you must be busy."
I flashed her my best catwalk smile. "I have plenty of time and,I love to talk to people, it gets lonely sometimes."
Alice looked at me for a second then turned back to the stage.
"I'd better go, I have to a lunch on with some clients."
I nodded, just wishing to go, seeing Alice like this was only in my nightmares. I stood up, "Bye Alice," I said, but froze as soon as I realized what I had done. She hadn'tgiven me her name. I forced my legs to work again. "Oh, and Nana, here's my number." She held out a card. I took the card and put it in my designer bag.
Maybe Alice didn't notice.
Outside I breathed in an air full of fresh air. The sun bathed my pale skin as I walked past a trash can, nonchalantly I drop the card in dumpster. Even if you don't love me Edward...I'll still you, I always will.1

Chapter Two:2

"Alice." Jasper begged. "Alice please...I know he's your brother, but please." Alice ignored Jasper. "Won't you please just let him recover on his own. I miss you." Jasper grabbed Alice's hand, Alice shrugged it away. "When was last time we had a wedding, when was the last we spent more then a minute together."
Alice turned to Jasper, to her true love, her soul mate, the man she was willing to spend her whole life with. "I...I think found Bella."
Jasper searched Alice's feelings. To his surprise they weren't like the other times when said that she's found Bella. Every time there was a frantic desperation that always made him worry about Alice's sanity. This time she felt relieved almost hopeful.
"Alice...I'll make you a deal....."3

The darkness was comforting, it was the only other thing that helped me. Maybe I'm just wishing that I could go into ever lasting darkness, but I couldn't do that. Bel- she always said that no matter what she would prefer me alive then dead, even if she were dead. No matter where I go she'll never be there she's go- she's, oh god why. This has to be my punishment for being the monster that I am. Every god damn second is like a knife cutting down my arm, cutting every part of me. I have many regrets but nothing compares to the regret that I feel right now. Why did I leave her. Every since I found out that she went missing I knew I would slowly go crazy. Every day brings me to a new level of madness. How much longer do I have till I'm unbearable. Till I'm no longer Edward Cullen, but something worse, what ever that could be. Alice is the only one who stayed with me. The rest of them couldn't stand to look in my eyes every day to see and know the suffering that I was going through. I can't blame them, I wouldn't of stayed. If only I could leave the pain....4

"That's, well not what I expected." Alice looked into Jasper's eyes. "So this is my last chance?" Jasper shook his head, "And if she isn't Bella," Alice bore her eyes into Jasper's, "Then I give up on finding Bella. You know what that would do to Edward, don't you. I'm the only hope he has. He won't say it out loud but my looking is the only reason he hasn't completely gone mental. Are you really about to take away his only chance at hope?"
Jasper closed his eyes. "Alice he is my brother, but you're my wife. And I love you, I love Edward, but he's not the one I want throw into bed." Jasper opened his eyes and look at Alice with longing and love.
"Alright."
Alice took her loves hand pulled him closer, she drew her lips to his and kissed him with the same longing and love that Jasper had showed on his face. 5

Some people say that if you think that you're crazy then you're probably not. Well they're wrong. I'm clearly crazy. Every girl I've seen reminds me of her. She could look nothing like her and I would still say something to bring her back into my life, but now, I think she could be a vampire. Now that's crazy. Yeah she "disappeared" but she could of fallen off a cliff, it's very likely. Tonight though it felt like it could of been her. She didn't look like what she did when she was human, she wore something she would of never worn, but some how she just seemed like...like. Like Bella. My wits are no longer about me.
Maybe Alice will leave me now. I'll be alone, I sometimes think that's all I really want. To be alone.6

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