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Sally woke up screaming in a cold sweat. It was her second nightmare in as many days. The night before, she dreamt she was arrested for shoplifting. The dream had felt so real, with the store, the Indian proprietor, and the carton of cigarettes she shoved in her blouse. Then, the following morning, as if possessed by some mystical demon, she found herself under arrest by the police. She begged the officer, explaining that she didn’t even smoke, but he wouldn’t listen. It wasn’t until she explained to the owner of the store that she had duplicated her dream exactly as it was laid out the previous night, that he dropped the charges against her. Raji Parumanjai was Hindu. He knew the power of nightmares.23
This second dream was as vivid as the first. She dreamt she was naked in front of all her coworkers at the brokerage firm. Impossible, but oddly enough, she was scheduled to make a presentation at 9 a.m. in the conference room. She wouldn’t let it happen though. Now that she knew what could occur, she would force herself to prevent it from happening.45
The next day, the huge conference table was surrounded by her fellow brokers with the CEO of the mega firm seated at the head of the beautiful mahogany table. Sally began explaining the third slide of the PowerPoint presentation with the laser pen, when in mid sentence; she jumped up on the table and ripped her blouse off, horrifying and intriguing her peers. Before the CEO could protest, she stripped to her underwear, performed a cartwheel, and landed on her back, two feet from her humorless CEO. She regained her senses and looked up and over her breasts at the man who would soon end her promising career. 67
Two hours later she lay on her psychiatrist’s couch.89
“What made you do that Sally?” he asked. “What possessed you to strip in front of your peers?”1011
“Exactly!” she exclaimed. “I was possessed. I dreamt it would happen and it did. It happened exactly like the dream I had the night before. Now I’ve lost my job and was almost arrested. I need help, Doctor Roth, please?”1213
“All right Sally, I’ll try hypnosis on you. We need to stop these nightmares, so listen carefully to me…”1415
Within minutes she was under his spell. It didn’t work. Later that night, she dreamt she ran her car into a large donkey. Although it worried her to drive the following morning, she felt she had no choice. She had another psychiatrist’s appointment, and there were no donkeys in the large city that she knew of. She turned the corner on Primrose and drove the half mile to Dr. Roth’s office until when she came upon a small food store, midtown.1617
The same fog that had clouded her mind previously, returned, and she floored the accelerator, crashing the car into the side of the small store at forty miles per hour. She woke a few minutes later and stared over the deflated airbag at a large poster of Juan Valdez loading Columbian coffee onto a donkey.1819
“Oh God what’s happening to me?” she said aloud, as the paramedics helped her out of her wrecked car.2021
Dr. Roth visited her at the hospital in her private room. “Sally, the physicians will release you in the morning. You’re fine. Did you have another nightmare?”2223
“Yes, Doctor Roth, please stop them, please?”2425
“All right Sally. I think I can help.” Five minutes later, she was again hypnotized.2627
“Sally,” Dr. Roth said. “You’ve done everything I’ve asked you to do, dear. Everything I’ve told you to do, the shoplifting, removing your clothes, and now the accident. You followed my orders exactly. I’m proud of you, but I have just one more task for you. My partner, Dr. Herman Wells…do you hear me Sally, you’ve met him before, Dr. Herman Wells. I want you to take the pistol you keep in the dresser at your house, bring it to my office tomorrow and shoot Dr. Herman Wells. Do you understand?”2829
“Yes,” Sally said. “I need to shoot the doctor…Dr. Herman…”3031
“Wells, Sally, Dr. Herman Wells. Yes that’s right dear, and after you shoot him in the head you will shoot yourself. Do you understand?”3233
“Yes…shoot myself.”3435
“Yes Sally, shoot Dr. Wells, then shoot yourself.”3637
“Shoot doctor then myself.”3839
“Yes, that’s right.”4041
At ten the next morning, Sally walked sleepily into the psychiatrist office. She asked the receptionist. “Are you the doctor?”4243
“No,” the receptionist replied. “There’s the doctor,” and she pointed at the tall, well groomed man. Sally removed the pistol from her purse and walked up to the slender doctor who had his back turned to her. She lifted the barrel to his head and fired.4445
The receptionist screamed as Doctor Roth slumped to the floor while Sally held the barrel to her head and pulled the trigger six more times before realizing the chamber was empty. The fog in her brain lifted and she screamed when she saw what she had done to poor Dr. Roth.46
Please tell me what you think [Reward: double points]
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Cool..............
This story was okay...I wasn't blown away. But I have to admit, I did like the twist of it. That corrupt Doctor Roth who was causing all these weird episodes to happen to the main character....well, lets say karma came back to him sevenfold.=). Rewarded 4
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I love this story! I have the most vivid dreams sometimes, and this just hit the right note with me. I can't wait to read more from you! Keep up to great work!
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This was good. Pointlessly wicked but good. it pulled me in, even the title which is good. I still find that it could have been expanded a little and you had a great twist in the end. It served Dr Roth right to die...sending someone to do his work humph. Anyways great write keep it up and i hope to see many more fun filled stories like this. Thanks for the read.
. Rewarded 6
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That was absolutely wicked! Really wow!
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Oops.. Guess I dint realize I ve read this before..! Sorry for the double comment!
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W o w...
Bravo... Great twist, awesome style! I liked the ending- Poetic Justice...
A fantastic read... I guess I will run out of adjectives!
Anyways, it was a pleasure reading it. Keep writing. Peace, and have a nice day. -
oh my god, i was wondering what was she going to do Mr. Wells-and suprise, suprise-it was Dr.Roth! You potrayed the mind of a mentally damaged person very well, and the phrase 'fog in her brain' certainly shows that Sally had a clouded mind.
. Rewarded 4
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WTF!
Great twist to the story. this piece had me riveted and then had my jaw dropping as it continued. Thank you for a fascinating read!
. Rewarded 4
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Paint the scenes a little more: what color was the hypnotist's couch? What kind of gun was it? Where does she keep it? What time of day does she go in to shoot the doctor? What is in the air(stillness, heat, humidity, dry, stuffy, clear)?
Describe "the fog" in the story! How exactly is it enveloping her?
This whole story could be slowed down, lengthened, and developed. Add more details, to fill in the exciting plot as it unfolds. Take a little more time to make sure the reader is with you, when you turn that corner and drop an unexpected scene development on them.
If you do revise this, really try to maintain what you have as far as plot, individual scenes, and dialogue. These are very good and worth keeping.
. Rewarded 8
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A wonderful twist in the plot! Great style of writing... I enjoyed the description and imagery as well! I have to admit, the title caught my eye... Good thing I din't ignore it.
Fantastic work, keep it up!
Peace, and have a nice day.
. Rewarded 4
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I very much like your style of writing, it's uncluttered but still holds great imagery.
I love your ending, very nice twist. I especially like how you have your character use the word "poor" about dr. Roth in the last sentence.. Rewarded 4
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Great story, excellent description and imagery, you have a rare and extrodinary talent!
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I think the ending was pretty supprising. It serve right for Dr.Roth to die. Good description though.
. Rewarded 4
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oo great story. I love a good hypnotizm, and it was a good twist in the plot
Keep writing ~.~
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I love the way you formed the words inher, veyr good indeed.!
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I love the way that in the end, justice is really served, even through sheer luck! Nice twist near the end, with a powerful concept.
While my fellow commentor really liked this Raji person, it took me a few reads to figure out that you meant the store owner, so maybe clearing up that bit wouldn't be a bad idea.
Other than that, a very solid write, with no real typos that I noticed. Heck, I don't even like this genre much, but it was still great. Nice and short, and kept my attention. Keep up the good work!
. Rewarded 8
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Wonderful!
This is very well done. The title caught my attention in the Featured Stories sidebar and the plot held me to the unexpected end. Thank you for a good read.
Anaya Roma
. Rewarded 4
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It was the title that first drew me in. I thought this story was very interesting, although it seems to progress a bit too quickly for my taste and didn't seem like it really ended. Was that the ending? Anyway, I really liked the beginning. "Raji Parumanjai was Hindu. He knew the power of nightmares.2". I like that. It sounds like it could lead to something else with Raji as a main character. Nice job!
. Rewarded 8
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