this is me trying to make sense of the confusion in my head at the minute. i met this guy at camp this summer, it felt like i'd known him my life and i've not even known him for two weeks yet! have you ever felt like that? it's a strange feeling. 2
i was in the same camp group as him, we partnered together for like everything- but that might have been because everybody had some to go with :S i hope not lol.3
at one point i said to him 'you're like my big brother'- why did i do that? 4
well, i know why, actually. i was in denial. or just so confused that i really didn't know. it wasn't until the disco that i realised. well, admitted to myself. no i was in denial- for sure. 5
i thought he liked me aswell- all of the girls thought so too. and some of the guys. they were all saying- to both of us- do you like him? or are you gettin with her? 6
anyway- the disco. i got really jealous. and i hate being jealous. it was then that i finally admitted it to myself. the hard thing was that we were leaving the next day. so nothing happened. i left with his email address and that was it, aside from hugs and, well, sitting on his lap quite a lot, we never really said anything about it. when i got back home i found out from one of our friends that he'd told her he knew i liked him, but he only liked me as a friend. i was pretty much distraught- not that he'll ever know that. i didn't know whether to believe it or not. so when he didn't reply to my oh-so-casual email and didn't go online i did the desperate. i got his number and texted him. not straight out askin him of course, i'm not that brave. but he said it was true. i refused to tell him why i wanted to know. are guys really that thick that he couldn't work it out? 7
surprisingly, i didn't feel upset about it when he told me that. i guess being told beforehand made it easier. or it would've done. if he'd not txtd me the next day and eventually told me that he did like me, he just didn't want to leave after a week. he thought it was easier to leave a crush. the truth is that i think it was beyond 'crush'. i didn't tell him that but i did say i would've liked to be included in a decision that involved us both, it would have been nice to have memories- or something like that. of course along the way i've discovered that guys are very single-minded, but that's beside the point.8
my problem now is...is he being genuine or jus messing with me? it's not like anything can happen- he lives the other side of the country and he's got a girlfriend- well, thats what he told me. he told someone else that he hadn't got a girlfriend so who knows? 9
but what do i do? i have no credit left becuase i've been texting him so much, so i can't text him. i haven't spoken to him since the start of the week. 10
i really thought i'd fallen for him. well and truly. now, i'm not sure so if a) i have and
if i should. not that i can control the latter, really. it's up to him to make the next move. i'm not putting myself on the line anymore. 11****12
i wrote this because of something similar, but not really all that similar, that a SW friend posted. she inspired me to write this.13
xxx dream
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