Why?

You awake, slowly opening your eyelids. They are heavy, as if tied to cement blocks. You tilt your head and begin to sit up. The cold bathroom tiles resting agaisnt your skin. Where are you? What happened? All these questions start running through your mind, until you realise your in immense pain. Everything hurts. You start to scream in agony. You notice blood on the floor. You look around, trying to regain any memories of where you are or how you got there.1

You hear a man's voice echoing through the room. He enters wearing all black clothing and dark shades. He is followed by two other men, dressed much the same, dragging a young woman. She looks about the same age as you. Her nose is bleeding and she has gashes on her arms and legs. She looks like she has been hit by a truck.2

The men throw her down beside you. She screams in pain. The first man, who appears to be the leader, looks at you. "Morning sunshine" he says. One of the other men approach you. He grabs your neck and pulls you to your feet. You're pushed out of the way as the third man ties up the other young woman. "Take her outside" says the leader and gestures to you.3

It's bright, you squint. The ground is wet and mushy. Must have been raining. Your neck hurts but you try to look around to see where you are. One of the men notices and punches you hard in the stomach. You grimce in pain. You start to approach an old wooden cabin. The window is borded and some of the pailings on the roof are coming off.4

You are pushed inside and the door slammed behind you.5

It's dark. You can't see very well. You sit a while and let your eyes adjust. As the darkness slowly goes away you can see the outline of some rusty old furniture in the room. You look around, trying to find a way out. You crawl over to the fireplace and look up to see if you could climb out. Suddenly, something falls onto your face. You scream and hurl your body backwards. After calming down you see the rotten corpse of a raccoon and kick it away.6

You lie down on the cold hard floor, thinking to yourself, why me?7

You wake to the sound of a gunshot, all of a sudden the three men come charging through the door and hurl something down beside you. It was the other girl. Her head half blown off and a shotgun in the man's hand. "She tried to run" the third man said as they left the cabin and slammed the door behind them.8

You look at her and start to cry.9

As you sit there staring at her, you begin to feel something. A strange feeling. Nothing like you've ever felt before. You scramble to your feet. You search the cabin looking for anything that would remove the boards from the window. You find a poker lying beside the fireplace. You easily pry the boards off the window. You've never been strong before, but something about seeing her body gave you some kind of mortal superpower. You try to slide open the window but it is rusted shut. You grab the poker and raise it, you hesitate a little, then smash the window. You climb out and before you leave you wisper, "I'll come back for you"10

You can hear the men laughing but you can't see them. You slowly creep around the other side of the cabin. You can see what looks like a small town in a nearby valley. You hear one of the men shout and turn around. They've seen you.11

You run.12

Down the hill towards the town, gaining speed the further you go. You hear a gun shot, then see bark fly off a tree beside you. You don't dare to look behind. You keep running, faster than you've ever run before. The closer you get to the town, the closer the men get to you.13

Another gun shot. This time you get hit with a piece of shrapnell. It pierces your arm and you let out a great cry. You fall and start to tumble down the hill. You grab a rock to stop momentum and get up to keep running when you hear another gunshot. You turn, they are getting closer.14

You begin to run again. Your bleeding alot but the pain only makes you run faster. Your nearing the bottom of the hill, you can see people in the streets. You start to yell, trying to get their attention.15

Suddenly you feel a hand on your shoulder. It pulls you back. You're pushed to the groud, the three man towering over you. You see the third man hand the leader the shotgun.16

He cocks it, and shoots.

Author notes

Hey guys, um just yer wrote this kinda quickly so i appologize for any spelling/grammar mistakes

Blondie - I am an Aussie and proud of it! lol and vegemite rules!!! and um I live in QLD and i think that's all i needed to say here...

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • tallblondie Greeters member
    October 18
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    Interesting use of second person point of view - it really drags the reader into the scene. I found that it was somewhat clinical - this happened then that happened etc - there wasn't much attention given to descriptions of the character of the surroundings. Overall, a fairly engaging read.

    Thank you for your entry in Aussie Rules.


  • Six-Feet-Underwater
    September 13

    Edit | Reply
    Nice use of emotion. The point of view is also a unique way to draw the readed in. Wonderful job, and a great story!


  • Depressedyouth
    September 8

    Edit | Reply
    I love the point of view here, it makes you feel like your really there. You could have gone into a lttle more detail, but I think that it was fantastic. Keep it up.

    . Rewarded 4

  • So Be It
    September 7
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    Good emotion, but some of it could have been smoothed over and edited more.

    It went fast- slow down, take a minute to describe the surroundings and go more in depth with what the main character is feeling, possibly why she's there.

    You're off to a good start, though! Keep writing!

    . Rewarded 6


  • Prim-Rose
    September 6

    Edit | Reply
    Fantasticly done - especially the way you wrote it. Had suspense, confusion, emotion, and was a good story. Great job and good luck!

    PR

1 - 6 of 6