Casper shook my shoulder. I moaned and started. The carriage wasn't moving anymore. Were we there? I hadn't realized I'd fallen asleep.1
He carefully lifted me off the carriage, holding my hand tightly, as if he were afraid I'd fall to my death if I weren't to careful.2
I felt stupid. What was I doing, wearing a dress and holding a vampire's hand? And, even worse, the vampire that had killed my family?3
I didn't care. I was at my first ball.4
We entered the hallway, which was filled with people laughing, talking, eating, and dancing. The dancers twirled around in the room, the women's skirts billowing out, and the tails of the men's coats spinning dizzily.5
There was an orchestra playing at the end of the hall, on a stage set in gold.6
Casper had dropped my hand as soon as we entere. He offered it again, now.7
I took it. I was a pretty good dancer because of all the times I had danced with the broomsticks, humming.8
My skirt twirled deliciously around my ankles as Casper spun me around in the air. I pushed my self away, and twirled again, still holding on to one of his gloved hands.9
After half-an-hour of dancing, I pranced, red-faced and breathless, into the rose garden.10
Casper gracefully seated himself besides me, staring.11
His gaze made me uncomfortable. I stood up to go back outside. He followed me.12
We twirled for another hour. I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid what was going to happen after the dancing, so I held on as long as I could.13
We went to the refreshments. Angelica and Christine were gaping at me. I could see Prunella nearby, glaring at me from under an elderly man's elbow.14
I scooped up some punch. Then, I offered each of them a cup. They looked too dumbstruck to get their own.15
They stared at the small, paper cups and then clutched them to their breasts as if they were gifts from the gods, still staring at me. I laughed quietly to myself, marveling at how quickly they had changed their attitude towards me.16
Casper and I pranced off and started adancing again. When I finally realized I would faint if I didn't stop dancing, I carefully stepped outside, hoping Casper wouldn't see me.17
"Ella, what are you doing?" Prunella's shrill voice broke the stillness of the night.18
So she had recognized me. My worst fears confirmed, I spun around. Prunella, Angelica, and Christine were staring at me angrily, all admiration gone from their eyes. The punch cups were still held tightly in their white hands.19
"Ella, we told you to stay home. where did you get that dress from?" 20
My mask! Where was my mask? I groped around my face wildly. I felt nothing but my own flesh. It must have fallen off.21
"Ella, there you are. I've been looking for you everywhere." A new voice broke the angry silence. Casper looked strangely angry when he saw Prunella's face. His cheeks flushed a pale pink.22
Prunella glared at Casper, her eyes narrowed into slits.23
"Who is this?" She asked me. 24
I flincheed. "He's...Casper."25
"So, Casper, you think you can steal my step-daughter away? She has work to do, young man! I command you to take her home at once." Prunella spat.26
"At once." Casper echoed.27
"He grabbed my hand adn pulled me back to the waiting carriage. Pushing me in, he whispered instructions to the driver.28
"Aren't you coming with me?" I asked out the window.29
He shook his head sadly, and thecarriage moved.30
His shape grew fainter, until it was a mere smdge, then it disappeared enntirely.
A contest entry
- Short stories 2 by Thorn-on-the-Rose.
275 points, ended September 17, 42 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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wow, that's a long comment, sorry, but I hope it's helpful =DD
-Dani
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Wow great job!! AHH, i need to read more, why isn't Casper going with her!! hehe, great job, I like the name Casper, it reminds me of Casper the Ghost, hehe, great job, but I noticed a lot of errors....
paragrpah 6, 'There was an orchestra playing at the end of the hall, on a stage set in gold.' you don't need the comma (,) after 'hall'
nice use of vocabulary in paragraph five, 'the women's skirts billowing out, and the tails of the men's coats spinning dizzily.' I liked that
paragraph 7, 'Casper had dropped my hand as soon as we entere' you forgot the 'd' on 'entered'
paragraph 12, 'His gaze made me uncomfortable. I stood up to go back outside. He followed me.' outside? I though they were outside, perhaps you mean 'inside'??
paragraph 17, 'Casper and I pranced off and started adancing again' there is an unnessasry 'a' attched to the word 'dancing'
paragraph 28, 'He grabbed my hand adn pulled me back to the ' the 'adn' is supposed to be 'and'
paragraph 30, 'He shook his head sadly, and thecarriage moved' there should be a space between 'the' and 'carriage'
paragraph 31, 'His shape grew fainter, until it was a mere smdge, then it disappeared enntirely.' you misspelled 'smudge' there is a 'u' in it.
maybe there are more because you were excited to write this, that happens to me all the time. Good job, and good luck in my contest.
-Dani -
Hmmm...I find I cannot stop reading this...
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i realize you are a very good author!
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interesting
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