Only In My Dreams...

The thoughts of a girl experiencing make believe love:1

The day passes so slowly, I have to listen to my friends go on and on about how wonderful their boyfriends are. I am bursting to tell them all about you, and all the places we go together. But they'd never understand; they'll never see you the way I do.2

I rush home at the final bell, I don't concentrate on the evening, because i'm anxious for the night to come. My mother asks me if i'm feeling well. she's been so anxious about me lately, I'd love to reassure her. But she'd never understand. 3

Finally the moon rises and the shadow is cast over the earth, i get into my bed. And wait to fall asleep.4

And you are there. Tonight you take me on a magical moonlit sleigh ride on the glaciers of Antarctica, you think I look cold so you give me your jacket, you're always thoughtful like that. I want this moment to last forever but much to soon i have awakened. I can't stand it that we only have a short time together each day. But i suppose that's the best i can expect; from a lover that isn't real.5

The day is a blur. I get a 'D' in maths, and a lecture from my teacher informing me i could do better.6

In art class i draw you and myself, entwined in a heart made of roses. I may have only seen your face in dreams but i remember it so clearly. Harriet who sits next to me looked at my beautiful drawing. "In your dreams, you'll never get a man like that!" she laughed. I smirked a little, because what she said was the exact truth.7

We made love tonight: I woke up sweaty, breathless and shaking. Is it really natural for me to feel i've lost my virginity to a make believe man? but there is no-one in the world as real to me as you, how ironic is that!8

You were different yesterday, more distant and slightly faded. We barely spoke and the dream was much too short. When I awoke I found it hard to remember what you looked like.9

I didn't see you at all last night, I was in a wood alone and calling for you. But you never came? why didn't you find me.10

I graduated today, but i felt no joy. I seem to have lost you forever.11

I got married, his name is James and he's a good, honest man. Not as exciting and provocative as you, but he does love me.12

It's my wedding night and I drift off to sleep, and there you are! you have grown taller, fuller and even more handsome. You hold me close and kiss me and promise to never leave me again. I wake up in the familiar sweat, drenched in passion. I gaze at my husband sleeping peacefully beside me, and i wonder.13

What on earth am I going to do?