Diary 7

I'm tired of being wanted only when I'm needed. Sure I'm popular enough when people want something from me, but when I actually need help or advice or whatever, no one's around. Everyone is too busy. I mean, when you are thinking of KILLING YOURSELF who was there? Me! I'm not saying that I saved you but I was there when you needed me. Where are you? Where's ANYONE? 1

I have been there for all of you! I have stayed up late, listening to your problems and trying my BEST to help. I mean, sometimes all you guys need is someone to talk to. But when I need someone, or rather, when I want to talk, where is everyone? I mean, it's not anything serious to talk about sometimes, but when it isn't serious for you I guess it doesn't matter, eh? What do I matter? You don't care. I'll always be there because I'm an idiot like that. You can apparently treat me however you want and I will keep crawling back. Because I care. Because I'm an idiot and a doormat and I...I dunno. 2

Is it stupid to care about people? Is it stupid to keep hoping they'll change? I mean, I realize that most of you don't realize you're hurting me, but when you do...well I'm too cowardly to say. Sometimes I bring it up and then I'm afraid that you're mad at me and I apologize instead of the other way around. I shouldn't always be the one apologizing, it's not fair! I don't do anything and I am the one saying sorry!3

Then, you know how much it hurts to be ditched by friends? By BEST FRIENDS? I dunno if it's something about me that just...drives people away after a certain amount of time but ****. What is wrong wtih me? I mean, you guys...you are my BEST FRIENDS. What happened? What is it with me? Do I just...wear on people? Annoy people? It's just...I feel so sad right now. Because you guys stopped talking to me. I mean, maybe not all together, but...did summer change something? Did you suddenly decide that being that close to me was repulsive? I don't know what it is but I'm just pissed off and tired and hurt. So w/e. 4

Just...I'm tired of being wanted only when I'm needed.