To Rule the World...

If I ruled the world, it would be a lot different. No pain... no parents who argue and bring it to your doorstep. No boyfriends who have you then throw you away like garbage. No teachers who take one look at you and give you your GPA. If I ruled the world, it would look something like that.1

But I don't rule the world. 2

I'm just a frakked up teenager who's going to OD in about thirty seconds. 3

Goodbye world, it's been so not nice knowing you, I'm sure you'll never remember Lapira James. 4

_______________5

After I overdosed on Tylenol I woke up in my bed. I thought to myself "You have got to be kidding me, a whole bottle didn't do the trick?" Until some weird kid came up and stood over me. 6

"Hey." She had short black hair, wore baggy clothes and looked a little pale, "Dude, you must really made an impressive entrance. Come with me." I got up and followed the girl. She opened my door and took me into a small room with slanted ceilings and a chair. 7

"Hi, listen..." The girl walked off and the chair started to shake. 8

"It's Lapira, right?" asked the Chair, "Listen, your suicide note... I'm sorry but that is the suckiest note I've ever seen in my entire time. Couldn't you think of something better to die with?" 9

"You are a frakking chair." I said, "You are a chair telling me that my suicide note was bad? I think I'm the one who should be asking the questions, for example, where the frak am I? and who the heck are you?" 10

"This is Suicide Stop. It's the afterlife for all suicides. I read your note, and have decided that you are going to get a chance to run things for awhile." 11

"What?" 12

"Your entire lame note was about what would happen is you ran the world. So, I'm going to let you take my place for one day." 13

"Well, what do you do in this place?" 14

"I'm the Chairman." I almost laughed, a chair was the chairman of Suicide Stop. "You can run things your way for one day. Change whatever you want, do what you feel needs to be done." The Chair then shouted, "Let it be known across the kingdoms of Deathdom, Sickness Slum, Murder Mall, Arson Avenue and Suicide Stop that I, Chair the Chairman of Suicide Stop pass my powers to Lapira James for the next twenty-four hours!" Chair rocked a little bit and then fell still.15

My escort girl came in, "So. You're the new Chairman." she smirked, "Let's see how this plays out. Any first decree?" She seemed to be mocking me... but I let the first offense slide. 16

"Well, are there any rules?" I asked.17

"Do what you want to, use judgment. The usuals. But you should know, most of these people are not very cheerful. They all pretty much are here for the same reason you are." she said. 18

"In that case, I think it's time to give the world a piece of our mind. Get everybody together, I have an announcement."19

In less than half an hour I was making my first proclamation as Chairman of Suicide Stop. There were roughly about 1,000 people... or ghosts... spirits... whatever the heck they were. Most of them look pretty calm and smug, others looked like they were afraid someone was going to hit them. They all crammed into the room where Chair had given me his power, and the room seemed to grow accordingly. 20

I looked at them and said, "I've gathered you here to announce that as of now..." 21

My escort leaned closer and whispered, "I'd cut the crap. They don't buy it." 22

I continued on with a different tone, "Listen, people, we're all here for one reason: at least one person, maybe many, really frakked with our lives and just us in general." There were a few nods of agreement. "And what are we doing? We're sitting in Deathdom, in some dump that we know as Suicide Stop, doing absolutely nothing about it. As the new Chairman, I invite you all to join me in... telling the Living what's on our minds." 23

The crowd started going wild, "Absolutely." They cried.24

"And what better time than now?" I shouted, rather pleased with how things were going so far. 25

My escort came up to me, "Do you have any idea what you're doing?" she asked, "You have no idea how to go to Living Lane do you? Besides, this certainly isn't what Chair would have done."26

"Well I'm not Chair, I'm Lapira, and we are going to Living Lane. Now, will you lead the way?"27

She nodded, "Just let me have a go at my parents and I'll take you." I agreed to her terms.28

"Everybody, get ready to rock Living Lane!!!" There were cheers and we headed outside of the room close behind my escort.29

"So what exactly do we have to do?"30

"We have to cross the River of Rain and then we'll be in Living Lane. What exactly are you going to do once you get there?"31

"We're going to get justice. You ask a lot of questions..."32

"Lenore, and I have to tell you, that Chair is not going to like you when he gets his powers back." 33

[Who said he's getting them back] I wondered to myself. 34

Everyone was really excited when we left Suicide Stop but as the journey continued, the cheers died down and the pace slackened. By the time we got to the River, everyone wanted to use it as an excuse to go back. I waded into the River and decided to put my powers to the test. I put my arms out in front of me then whizzed them back so that my body made a 't'. The river parted and I walked on the slimy bed, "Let's go!" I said, "Do we want to do this or not?" Some of the suicides started to leave, and soon the whole crowd was trickling away. I was angry, they had lied to me! They said they wanted to come and now they were leaving... I would show them. "FORM RANKS!" I shouted, and suddenly they snapped to attention and started marching behind me. I smiled, being Chairman wasn't so bad. 35

By the time we reached Living Lane it was almost dusk, and my time as Chairman was running out. We stepped onto the street and were whizzed to the living and breathing city of New York. I prepared to make a grand entrance, shouting out orders to my army... but no one saw us. 36

Lenore shouted something, "The dead and the living cannot interact. It's a law of physics." 37

"I'll show you a law of physics." I said, snapping my fingers and making all of us visible to the world. People started screaming their heads off. [That's more like it] I thought. 38

"Attack!!!" I screamed, "Send a message to those that hurt you, tell them that we will fight back!!" My army immediately swarmed around me and into the throng of screaming people. 39

I walked over to Lenore, "You were saying about laws of physics?" 40

"Whatever." she said, walking off. Suddenly, something hit me in the head, really hard. I turned around and saw a small group of people holding rocks and baseball bats. 41

"Go back to wherever you came from, freak. You and your friends don't scare us." shouted one, the others threw a few rocks at me. 42

"Do not frak with me." I said.43

"Or what?" I pushed the air in front of me and produced a huge wind, knocking over the crowd. With a snap of my fingers, the man who had shouted at me was dragged in front of me. 44

"Does that answer your question?" Suddenly my head started to hurt and I felt a voice inside of my head saying, "5, 4, 3, 2, 1..." There was an explosion of pain in my head and suddenly Chair was in front of me. 45

"Lapira, we have some issues. You and I. First you write a crappy suicide note. Then you break the laws of physics for your own personal vendetta! Lenore!" Lenore appeared out of thin air. "You can do the honors." Chair disappeared and Lenore walked over to me. 46

"You were right Lapira. A whole bottle didn't work. Maybe you've learned something, maybe not. Regardless, if you try to kill yourself again, write a better note." 47

Everything became brighter and brighter until everything was white. 48

_____________49

I woke up, with prongs in my nose, and stiff white sheets wrapped all too tight around me. I turned my head to the left and saw my parents and boyfriend. On the right was a doctor with a clipboard, he said something to my parents about letting me take it easy. The doctor handed me my note and left. 50

"Can you talk? Anything you want to say?" asked my boyfriend. 51

"Just... one thing..." I said, "I'm just a frakked up teenager... and I'm glad... I don't rule the world.