A New and Distant Love

We met, it was no big deal.  I was shy and reserved while he was vocal and surrounded by women. I couldn't believe this man would let these women tie him up and torture him. I was amazed by the strength of self these women had.1

His vocal and friendly ways caught my attention but I never let on. As days and weeks went by I formed friendships with these women and began opening up. I still was to shy to approach the charismatic man and would only join in the play of the ladies becoming a videographer, to what I found out were classes in the art of domination.2

As the weeks continued I gained more confidence and would begin commenting while I taped the lessons and handed out towels from my bag. As a group we began discussing things other then the art of domination and with these I became more vocal. I got closer to some of the ladies and friendlier with that man. In fact come Feb when he disappeared I became worried. 3

A short time later, after numerous conversations about our concern for this man and his friend we finally got news about them. One of the ladies told me that these two men had been arrested, which of course shocked me but I still told her to send them warm wishes from me. She did, of course, and was told she could give me the email address of the charismatic man.4

The first time I sat down to write him I was nervous and had no idea really what to write. All I knew was I wanted to show this man my support and to just be friendly so I wrote him something short and sweet. I was shocked just the next day by a response and so I replied.5

He became my sounding board for issues I have with guys, friends, dating and everything else. He wrote me about what was going on with him and his friend. We discussed everyday life kinds of things, our mutual friends and so our acquaintanceship grew to a friendship.6

We continued these emails and even began leaving notes on each other's homepages. Before I knew it our friendly emails and messages began to contain flirty remarks. These flirts were harmless to all and didn't really mean anything beyond a bit of fun.7

After a few months of friendship and flirty notes he was out. Now this man had to start his whole life over and was living with family. I continued to write him and when he could get to a computer he would respond. Somehow timing began to work out and we would run into each other online. Our chats started out innocent with some hugs and kisses mentioned along with more mild flirtation.8

I was able to introduce him to my best friend and soon they were friends as well. I'm glad they did because she was starting to think I was crazy when I told her about this handsome Irish man. I don't know why I continuously raved about him but there was something about this man. The Irish man and I began having regular chats and flirted heavily with each other throughout many of our groups.9

By this time I was getting confused and scared and only one knew. I didn't want to admit to myself that I was falling for him. I mean, my god, he lives over seas and I've been hurt before and have known others to be hurt by online relationships. I didn't know what to do.10

I began getting more and more confused and tied up in knots when talking to this man. Sometimes he would say things that really just confused me; I began to wonder if he was feeling the same. It all got even stranger when his best friend wrote to me asking what was going on between this man and me. I didn't know was my simple reply and that this man and I really needed to talk. 11

Checking the rest of my email that day I was shocked and honored to get a message that I had been set as this man's special someone. Clicking his page my shock grew, while I wasn't the only one under his special someone's all mine said was "Luv ya, baby" while everyone else's gave simple reasons of friendship. At this I became brave enough to place him as one of mine and to admit he has filled a special hole in my heart.12

Just a few days later we finally ran into each other again. This time I could immediately tell a difference, we were both a bit shy. It was odd to suddenly be shy with this man who knew so much about me and to see this man who is never shy being shy with me. My first thought was ok its time to talk and private messaged him. "Looks like we've both been thinking." He seemed shocked at first but then asked, "What have you been thinking about?" The conversation was started and I was terrified. I couldn't just blurt out that I was falling in love or had already fallen in love with him so I just answered with "just about how things have gotten between us." He understood what I was talking about. As the chat continued we both opened up again and honestly spoke of our feelings. We also talked about how it made us feel. We both admitted being terrified by this unexpected development.13

From that moment everything has been different, scary and fantastically glorious. We have made no promise and no plans and neither has offered anything. We've mentioned an LDR and admit that it terrifies us. All I know is this man means everything to me and can only pray that no matter what becomes of our love we can remain friends.