Oh, Blue Sam. :]] Letter #3.

Dear Blue Sam, 1

I am now writing my third letter to you. I didn't realize when I wrote the first one that it would be an ongoing thing, I thought it was just going to be that one. I'm listening to "I will follow you into the dark" by Death Cab for Cutie, and it reminded me of how Matt (Matty :] ) used to play it on his guitar all the time and so I started thinking of you and decided to write. I've been meaning to write to you all day, anyways. 2

Early this morning, I was wandering around the internet and thinking that maybe my heart was starting to heal from when it had been ripped apart when we were separated. Then, this afternoon, in the car ride back home from one hour of therapy with my sister, I was choking back tears and sobbing and thinking that maybe I had been wrong about the whole getting over you thing, 'cause I would have done anything to have you there. I was just dying, Blue Sam. I'm just dying. 3

After the session when my sister was outside the room and I was still in Jennifer's room with her pulling myself together, I was doing that thing where I gnaw on the knuckle of my thumb, and Jennifer swatted my hand and told my not to do it with the excuse that my hand would get all messed up and you wouldn't want to hold it. It made me laugh. 4

I'm pretty sure you would still hold it though, wouldn't you? 5

Hell, you'd still love me even if I had a third eye in the middle of my forehead. You'd say, "Wow, I wish I had a third eye in the middle of my forehead. That's pretty badass, Red Sam." And then you'd say something funny about third eyes, but I don't really know what it is exactly that you'd say because I'm not as good at thinking of funny things to say as you are. 6

I went to my dad's house on Sunday last weekend and I had really really wished you were there. As long as he didn't find out that we were together or anything and religion/politics wasn't brought up in conversation, you might have gotten along with him. He likes scary movies and stuff just like you do. You'd probably be amused by him. He's kinda weird- I can imagine you being nice to him and stuff and wanting to keep him around so that you can listen to his big conspiracy alien government coverup theories and stuff, not because you'd believe them but just because you'd find them interesting. You're not naive. 7

Jennifer thinks you're cute. :] She said "aww" when I showed her that picture of us that I love so much. The black and white and purple one. 8

These are kind of becoming something like diary entries, aren't they? I wonder what difference there is between diary entries and letters that aren't meant to be read by the person they're addressed to. Maybe I should just write a big collection of letters and title it "Samantha's Diary to Samhaine" or something. 9

Then maybe, eventually, you'd read it. But just maybe. 10

I've stopped saying "I miss Blue Sam" so often now. I've kind of given up on the belief that if I say it enough times, people will understand how I feel. I wonder how I even came to think that in the first place. 11

I wonder how you're doing. I wonder if you miss me as much as I miss you. 12

I feel kind of lost not knowing. Kind of like a "wait...what?" feeling. Like, hey, wait a minute, where'd she go?13

Oh yeah. Home. 14

I start school in a few days. The day after the day after tomorrow. Or, wait... no. The day after tomorrow. Sorry, I hadn't realized that it was past midnight. 15

God, Blue Sam. We're just kids. 16

Love,17

Red Sam18