A Day in the Life

I was walking to class one day when one of our famous black squirrels walked up to me and I mean, on two legs he walked, it gets stranger though in his forefront, right paw he had a cigar, what the heck kind of squirrel smokes a cigar, it’s not like we’re in the 1800s or anything, come on people.1

“My kind, lady.” He said in a pronounced English accent, “Do you by any chance have the time?”2

“Uh, yeah, but why the heck do you need it?”3

“If I told you I’d have to kill you.” I stepped back from the tiny black squirrel who stood before me.4

“Uh, sure, whatever. It’s 3:15.”5

“Thank you kindly. Now I shall be off. Tootles.” He scampered off, still smoking that dang cigar. I found the nearest rolling pathway and took it from there to my next class, stupid math. 6

“Jetzt Kategorie. Öffnen Sie bitte Ihre Bücher, um 50 zu paginieren und die folgenden Probleme zu tun.” My math professor said. Of course who knew the Russian teacher spoke German and why the heck was he speaking German in the first place, this was math class, not German class. I looked around and saw everyone seem to know what he was saying. Remembering what I’d been learning in that class I picked up an idea of what he was saying, he wanted us to open our books to page 50 and do the problems, simple enough. I opened my book only to find the simple problems I was expecting were nuclear physics problems; I knew nothing of nuclear physics. Calling upon my old high school Calculus teacher I asked him for help, he explained in terminology I knew nothing of, I was lost. Then when I asked him again, he said, “That’s confidential.” And left.7

I was so relieved when that class ended that I barely noticed the Uzi pointed at my head as I stepped out the door. It was my roommate and a monkey, a cute monkey for that matter, but non-the less he was a monkey and he too was holding an Uzi.8

“ You drank the goat milk.”9

“I did not, I only drink butter milk.”10

“The goat milk was gone.”11

“Maybe the monkey drank it.”12

“Rafiki, attack.” She ordered. I ran for my dear life and ended up falling down a hole. The hold lead to a tunnel, colored lights lined the walls. It seemed as I walked that different paths lead to rooms. I stepped into one and sat down. As I continued to sit there a man rose from the carpet and seemed to sail through the wall. I couldn’t take it anymore I shot up through the ceiling and landed in front of my residence hall, I was safe, at last, maybe. I walked passed the grate on the ground. It wreaked everyday of skunk, yet there was no skunk, except for today. Today an army of skunks rose up from the grate and they instantly spotted me, this time I was prepared for an attack. I grabbed the bazooka out of my backback and aimed. Fear coated their eyes at the sight of it. No more would they cause a stink, no more would they attack me. I put my finger on the trigger, warning them that I would shoot if necessary. They took off screaming like banshees. Safe at last, thank goodness I am safe at last. Now all I had to do was fine some goat milk. 13