Are You Gonna Wait Forever? The Complete Story

Are You Gonna Wait Forever?1

Chapter 1: She Never Said A Word2

The sun’s light could hardly be seen over the tops of the trees, morning fog hugging at their trunks in the cool air. The dew on the grass was so thick that if you walked across it, you’d think your shoes had been soaked in the sink. Kids had to wake up and traverse this to get to the school bus. For most kids, it wasn’t a long walk at all from home to bus stop, but there was one boy that had to walk a quarter-mile to the bus stop.3

On a gravel path, there was a lone teenage boy walking across the road. Most of the kids on the bus thought he was a simple and quiet fellow, but inside he was a very different person. He was tall for his age, and he wore dark pants and shirt, and a gray hooded-sweater with a large “5” on the back. Over his shoulders was a large backpack he had always brought to school. On his eyes were his signature shades, the sunglasses that had constantly adorned his face almost every morning. Behind the sunglasses was a pair of piercing evergreen eyes.4

The year before, when he rode the bus home, he had a reason to wear shades every sunny afternoon. But now he would usually go home by the means of his mother driving him home. He only went to school part-time for special classes, so he would have had to stay at school two extra hours to ride the bus home.5

So now these sunglasses were unneeded. Generally, people thought it weird to wear shades in such early hours. Some people thought he did it to be cool, and he had told others it was because he liked to sleep on the way to school. 6

He stood at the spot where the bus would stop for him. He was usually there for only a minute or two early, so he never had to wait too long for it to come. He could usually see its lights from a distance, for the sun hadn’t come out for too much more than a wink. If he couldn’t see it, he could hear it - the gravel road was quite noisy.7

The boy could see it then, and it made a prompt stop in its usual spot. The door slid open and he ran up the stairs of the bus, nodding to the driver.8

“Good morning, Mrs. Kage.” He said in a low voice.9

She nodded back at him with a smile, returning the greeting.10

“Good morning to you, Steven.”11

The driver liked him, as one might assume from her good-natured smile. He and his siblings had been very cooperative to the bus rules, and they even gave her Christmas cards. They were also among the few kids on the bus that ever talked to the driver in a social manner. This was Steven’s first morning without his brother Brian and his sister Brenda. They had graduated the day before, and Steven now had to face the next few weeks of school by himself. If there was anything good to come of this, he had to make it happen. He needed something to fill the hole of his siblings’ absence.12

The door slid shut behind him. The driver resumed her route as he walked along the narrow aisle to find himself a seat.13

Usually he sat up near the front, but not anymore. He felt too lonely up front. He decided to sit near the back this time, and from now on.14

He found himself sitting across from a rather obnoxious fellow named John. Steven had talked to him before, but today he felt like getting a deeper look into the boy’s mind, maybe talk to him seriously for a bit. John was in middle school and exceptionally silly in his conversations. He was about 12, and like all boys of such age, his mind was on one thing in general - being with girls in erotic situations - and occasionally something else.15

Steven was 14, an early high school sophomore, mature beyond his years. With his brother and sister gone, he was probably the most mature person on the bus, beside the driver. He had a knack for intelligent conversation, but this morning he would grant himself a helping in random poppycock from his younger acquaintance.16

“What is with you and your shades, man?” John had a way of starting conversation awkwardly.17

“Chill, dude. Don’t cramp my style. I like these things. They help faze out the sun to help me get some sleep.” Steven adjusted his shades.18

“You’re actually going to sleep all the way there?”19

“Nah, probably not.” Steven shrugged. “I’m currently awake, and with your constant jabbering, that’s not likely to change.”20

“Good. So ‘Shades,’” obviously John’s new nickname for Steven, made on the spot, “why do you always act like a real Jedi?”21

“What are you talking about?” Steven recalled an incident a few weeks before when he went to school dressed as a Jedi the day “Revenge of the Sith” was released in theaters. But what did that have to do with him now?22

“You know, you’re always calm and nice and all that. You’re not all... you know, like me.”23

“Not everyone is a big mouth,” Steven exclaimed as his younger counterpart puffed with obnoxious pride. “I may come off like a Jedi, but I’m not a real life Jedi. I just have a calm and disciplined nature. It’s just who I am.”24

“I still think you have a Star Wars obsession.” John was trying to rile Steven up, judging from his especially obnoxious attitude, but it wouldn’t work so easily on Steven.25

“I’m not obsessed. I’m a casual fan. If I can get tickets to the first showing, I’m all for it, but unlike some nuts you hear about in the paper, I’m not willing to camp outside the theater for the first ticket.”26

“Oh. Yeah. You have any real lightsabers or anything like that?”27

“Well...” Steven was a big fan of swords, and quite skilled with swords and the like, but he only ever got toy ones. “I have a few regular ones from the store, but not a super expensive FX one.”28

“Just imagination if they made other sorts of things out of lightsabers, like candy.” John illustrated placing a lightsaber candy in his mouth and his tongue getting burned.29

“Oh, yeah.” Steven chuckled. “Instead of ‘Life Savers’ it would be ‘Light Savers.’ Pop one in your mouth for a stinging taste.”30

“How about lightsaber clothing? Imagine boots with lightsabers on them – you’d burn everything you walked on!” The obnoxious kid made quiet stomps and sizzling sounds on the floor.31

“Lightsaber gloves. Anything you touch with your hands is fried. Imagine if you get an itch. OW!” Steven demonstrated getting an itch with a lightsaber glove. 32

“How about lightsaber toilet paper?”33

“John, are you serious? Sure, you’d be clean down there but...”34

“You’d cut yourself in half every time you wiped your arse.”35

“Oh gosh!” Steven buried his face in his arm laughing. John was pleased with himself on his exceptional joke. Some kids had actually begun to listen in on the amusing conversation.36

But Steven had realized something finally, about where he was... among a school bus of middle schoolers and high schoolers. These kids had very different minds than his. Sometimes he managed to ignore how ridiculous the people were around him, but in the end, there was a simple fact – he hated school. The teachers were all friendly and helpful, but he couldn’t stand the immoral and immature behavior of the kids around him. Steven would have preferred that he would be the only student in every class. Sometimes the other kids would do something intelligent, but most of the time they just came up with stupid remarks that they had found very clever and funny, but only to themselves, of course.37

But there was one reason he could take all the nonsense, one reason he would gladly suck it up. One reason he liked school, or at least the school bus.38

And she was coming on board.39

~Here she comes...~ Steven thought to himself.40

His smile was still buried in his arm from the humorous moment before. But the residual smile was because of who was coming onto the bus, and no longer because of the now faded and already long forgotten joke. From where he was sitting, Steven could see two teenage girls striding from their driveway to the bus door.41

The first on was an elegant 16-year-old brunette girl with green eyes. She had a high-class and yet friendly attitude, somehow not at all snotty like most girls of her stature. There was a light blue eye-shadow and a dark eyeliner she used that gave her an Egyptian quality in her gaze, her wavy hair adorning her shoulders, her pose and figure were graceful, and she was very attractive. Despite all the facts surrounding her, she still wasn’t the reason for his smile.42

Next up on the bus, less than five seconds later, was her younger sister. She was 12 or 13. She had recently adopted her sister’s eye make-up to give her a similar Egyptian quality to her gaze, as well as the light blue eye shadow adorning her eyelids. Her stride and posture were comparable, but hers was still a bit different. She was a bit quieter and shier than her sister, but she was gorgeous. Her blonde hair had a bit of a wavy flow, but less than that of Melantha’s. Melissa had blue eyes that were like sapphire gems, and Steven found them fascinating. Steven could hardly keep his eyes open in his morning daze, but for the rest of the bus ride, his eyes would not go much elsewhere other than Melissa’s direction.43

When she walked past, Steven got chills. 44

She sat beside her friend Danielle, just behind John’s seat. The boy had been coming up with new things to do with lightsaber material, and Steven would apparently look at him, nod occasionally and smile at him...45

Or so one would think. But now comes the secret of the sunglasses. The frames for Steven’s were so dark you could not see his eyes from the other side. This was its intended and desired effect that he frequently put to use.46

So, while John was jabbering at him, Steven’s true gaze was behind John. On the outer seat from the window behind the obnoxious boy, there sat the young teenage girl Steven adored in silence. 47

He was in love with her. And yet he never said a word about it to anyone. It was all in his head, every infatuated detail. 48

Her notebooks on her lap were filled with doodles of sorts on the front. He had found it cute the way she had decorated them. Just about everything she did drove him nuts, in a good way. Her big sister was obviously was a big influence on her, for Melissa had not only adopted her eye make-up, but also her fashion. Her clothes were always decorated with something fancy, and she never dressed sleazily. On her belts, jean jackets, shirts, pants, were always something trendy. You could say that the two sisters were glamour girls. But there was something about Melissa that caught Steven’s eye, something that even Melantha didn’t have, although he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.49

And her smile was enough to knock him over. Sometimes it did, when no one was looking.50

~If only you would smile at me,~ he thought. It simply amazed him how every mannerism, every detail of this girl drove him crazy. He finally knew they were not joking about love at all in movies or songs. ~She is so amazingly gorgeous, and to think she is still just a young teen girl.~51

In his mind, both of them were still children. They still had to grow quite a bit more. And that’s why he thought what he did. Typically, boys became more handsome in their teen years just as girls grew more beautiful. She was already beautiful and in the coming years she would become even more beautiful, although he had trouble believing such a thing was even possible. 52

Steven thoughts were absurdly rapid and random, and always complimentary to Melissa. He thought all of these thoughts so quickly that he could even think how quickly he was thinking them.53

~It boggles the mind,~ he went on thinking. ~A few years ago, I would have laughed at myself. In a few years, I’ll probably laugh at myself. But right now, I am stupidly in love with Melissa and I don’t care at all.~54

He had laughed at girly mush-gush talk. He had thought it was absolutely sickening the way girls talked about boys. And yet now, if they could hear his thoughts, they would think he was ridiculously romantic and probably love him for it. How ironic it had all turned out now.55

~And it’s all because of you, Melissa,~ thought Steven.56

All the while, John was jabbering about possibilities of lightsaber varieties. Finally he had realized how quiet Steven was, how he was just occasionally nodding.57

“Yo, Shades! You awake?” John snapped his fingers in Steven’s face. His fingers were quickly flicked away by his older counterpart’s insect swatting thwack. 58

“Chill, John. I’m still tired, you know.” Steven shook his head and gave it a scratch. Melissa shot him a glance. He turned his head ever-so-slightly in her direction and smiled. Melissa smiled back for a split second, and then turned away, almost as if in a blush, her attention being stolen by a girly, typical “Guess what?” from her friend.59

~Just my luck. And here I thought I was accomplishing something.~60

“Hey, Shades!” John was getting annoyed.61

“What, John?!?” Steven was already there. His milli-second of heaven was over.62

“Are you even listening to me?”63

“I’m nodding, aren’t I?”64

“Yeah, sure.” John gave a long sigh. “Anyway, how about a lightsaber bra?”65

“Now John, come on. You said I have a Star Wars obsession...”66

“Whatever. Just think of it. Darth Vader wearing a lightsaber bra and fighting Luke with it!”67

Steven stifled his laugh, shaking his head. He returned his would-be gaze to John as Melissa’s presence continued diverting it. 68

Steven couldn’t believe it. He had been so close to getting her attention.69

In the past, his only real reason of inhibition was his brother and sister. While they were there, he couldn’t risk getting silly or desperate. His sister Brenda was an awful tease. Steven had already dealt enough with her accusations of crushes and the like. She had thought she had finally touched ground on an authentic crush of his, but she was still off. Brenda never could catch the real hints as to whom he liked. She always seemed to miss out on his random remarks about Melissa, how seemingly obsessive they were and how quickly Steven changed the subject when he realized he might have been being too obvious. Despite how smart she was, Brenda was either too blind to see what he could see in such a girl, or her thoughts were occupied each time Steven made his comments. He was glad Brenda never caught his slip-ups. 70

Brian, on the other hand, didn’t seem to care at all of the bus population or any gossip thereof. Still, if Steven let out too many slips, knowing his older brother to be clever, he would be busted. So he kept a lid on it.71

Now he finally had the chance to do something, anything, to get to know her. He recalled times the year before when they got on the bus after school when she had no place to sit other than beside him until some seats cleared up. He would have loved to have said something to her – it was heaven to be in the same seat with her – but there was his brother and sister, ready to absorb any hint of flirtation and spread gossip. Despite how much he missed his brother and sister being there, Steven was glad to have the free space now. He no longer had any reservations, nothing to lose by talking to her.72

Among his memories of Melissa, there was one that haunted him the most. There was a time he was in the middle school - where Melissa went, of course - for a dress rehearsal and a Matinee for the school play. There was a time he had said hello to her, and simply walked past her. Steven could tell from the corner of his eye that she had turned towards him in shock, as if thinking "How does he know my name?" But he was too afraid, too shy to turn back and talk to her. That was the one chance he had to talk to her then, and he blew it.73

~You coward. Why couldn’t you talk to her?~ He wanted to hit himself when he thought about it. Then he thought about what happened later that afternoon, after the whole middle school saw him perform the Matinee. He and the cast and crew of the play were to eat in the middle school cafeteria. As he sitting down in the hall, waiting for the middle school crowd, Melissa caught sight of him. He was wearing stage make-up, and she had giggled at the way he looked. He had suddenly realized how ridiculous he looked with the make-up in that moment.74

~The girl of my dreams had to see me like that. I sure hope she forgot about it, or least didn’t know that was me.~75

He had hated that moment, the time she laughed at him. It was one of the most humiliating moments of his life, and yet one of the most humorous.76

The bus driver was pulling into the school parking lot. It was a matter of minutes before Mrs. Kage opened the door and students would begin pouring out of it. Steven got ready to make his run, happy that John finally shut his trap. Everyone on the bus did likewise in anticipation to get out. Steven was glad he no longer had to pretend to pay attention to John and focused on only two things: Melissa and getting off the bus. Of course, he really hated getting off the bus. Melissa and he went to different grades and schools that were just across from one another. After he got off the bus, he could catch only a few glimpses of her before she disappeared into the middle school crowd. And that was it for the day.77

The door slid open. The students rose from their seats and began their race to get out, usually finding ways to wiggle by or politely shove on through. John had quickly cut ahead of Steven, but Steven let Melissa and her friend cut ahead of him. This drew a quick and polite smile from her before she went elegantly waltzing off the bus. Steven followed close behind, trying to get the last few glances of her he could catch before she went off with the crowd. His stomach was reeling, now knowing his favorite part of the day was almost over. They had descended off the bus and parted ways, with Steven stealing one last look at the adolescent beauty. Then it was over. Time to wake up. Melissa was gone, and he had to face the aggravations of high school alone.78

He found himself in the computer lab for his first class, his young teacher of her twenties consigning herself to her desk. She was brown haired and quite spunky for a teacher. She had most of the senior boys hitting on her through most of the year.79

“Good morning, Ms. Kneiper. How are you this morning?” he asked, consigning himself to his own chosen seat.80

“I’m just peachy. It’s going to be quiet and lonely today without the seniors.”81

“Yeah, it will.” He knew all to well what gap it left on the school, especially with his siblings gone now.82

~If Melissa were here, though, it wouldn’t be so bad.~ He truly wished that he were either a bit younger or she a bit older. Then they would be in the same school, maybe even the same classes.83

But above all things, there was one thing that always bothered him. That morning he passed Melissa still haunted him. He wished she had said something to him so he would have had to turn around. But she didn’t. He wished she had said something to him even that very morning. He wanted her to accept him first, because he had already accepted her. All he wanted was for her to say something, and he would lose his fear of scaring her, of coming onto her too fast. But she did not do anything to initiate conversation. He wished she would say something, anything to him.84

She never said a word.85

Chapter 2: They Have All the Time in the World86

Nearly a week had passed since Steven had his first day at school without his brother and sister. Since that time, he had been building his reputation on the bus as John’s blabbermouth partner. Suddenly the kids around seemed a bit more open to him. Steven felt his initial plan was working – he was now more appealing. The recluse they had usually thought him to be was no longer there. He was far more talkative than they had ever seen him.87

Unfortunately, one of the few people that weren’t talking to him was the person he wanted to talk to the most. Melissa was still in her corner, chatting with Danielle, shy to him as ever. Steven still felt he hadn’t built his reputation quite enough for the direct approach. Even if he had already done so, he wasn’t too sure the direct approach would ever quite work with such a shy girl. The factor of him working up the guts to try the direct approach on her was another matter altogether.88

He had another plan. One that he thought was probably much better.89

It’s a well known fact that approaching a girl you don’t like is nowhere near is hard as approaching one that you do like. So he planned on approaching someone that wasn’t Melissa, one that was talkative, and one that get him closer to Melissa in the process. And that was Melissa’s older sister, Melantha.90

Unfortunately, there was still a problem here too. Despite the fact he was in love with Melissa, her sister was the next girl on the bus to being the most dazzling. If not for Melissa, Steven would have probably fallen in love with Melantha instead. There was no point in saying she wasn’t beautiful, unless you really wanted to lie. So in Steven’s mind, approaching Melantha wasn’t so easy either. It was quite a bit easier than approaching Melissa, though, since he wasn’t in love with her, and perhaps the best factor of it was that Melantha was far more talkative than her little sister.91

So ultimately it was the closest thing to talking to Melissa herself. If Melissa saw her sister talking to Steven, she might feel a bit more comfortable around him. 92

So, day by day, Steven sat in the back rows where Melissa and Melantha were usually sitting. John himself often turned backwards in his seat to continue his obnoxious conversations with Steven, or would move back a few rows if he was too far away.93

Now he had finally found himself lucky enough to have a seat where Melantha was right behind. As usual, though, she was seated beside her tall friend that liked to fling his longish Beatle-like hair around. Steven only needed a few minutes in front of the two to learn that Melantha displayed a lot more IQ points than her comrade in conversation. He found himself wondering how this beautiful and intelligent glamour girl had ever managed to allow herself to be subjected to having such a dorky friend. Steven could tell with absolute certainty that the two were not dating – there was no connection between the two that could have demonstrated the two as lovers. He knew for a fact Melantha did have a boyfriend, as he had witnessed at the Homecoming Dance months before, but he knew that it wasn’t this strange boy sitting next to her now.94

Steven began gathering his thoughts as he engaged in another claptrap conversation with John. How exactly would he turn his attention to Melantha without it looking awkward? He had liked John talking to him so he could get a friendlier reputation, but sometimes John’s incessant talking was a nuisance. There were times when he had built up the nerve to talk to someone else, knew what to say, but there John, hovering over him. Now he had built the nerve to talk to Melantha, but John was there again, blabbering away. Behind the cover of the shades, Steven rolled his eyes. 95

~Go away, you little brat.~ He was getting really annoyed now. When he befriended John, he didn’t count on the kid becoming a shadow to him.96

“John, give your jaw a rest already.” Steven said in a tone that was heavily suppressed to hide his annoyance. 97

“I’m just getting it warmed up,” John giggled. Steven was worried about the fact that he, an actual boy, could actually do that.98

“Please warm it up elsewhere while I try to warm up my brain.” He was trying to politely tell John to go away. Apparently he succeeded when John finally slid off to another seat to bother someone else, a schoolboy around John’s age. Steven was glad not to be in that other boy’s shoes. Then again, maybe the strange fellow might actually like John’s way of talk, and if so, good for him. Knowing public school kids, he probably would, but whatever.99

Now Steven had a chance to get a shot in with Melantha. The teenage boy that was branded pedantic in personality was going to approach one of the classiest girls on the bus, even in school. Though, from the personality of the boy she was sitting next to, Steven could never consider himself weird by their standards... However eccentric he had appeared to be, Steven was also quite distinguished for his cheeky finesse in all things of the talkative trade. And for this, he could pull off better what the oddball beside Melantha could do. All he needed to do was wait for the opportune moment. He turned sideways, leaning against the window. This movement threw off his plan, for by exposing his sunglasses to those behind him, he had allowed himself to be subjected to Melantha’s geeky friend's quirky humor. 100

“Hey dude, what’s the shades? There’s no sun out.” 101

~Oh no. The neanderthal had to be the one to initiate conversation.~ Steven’s eyes went rolling. He would play sleepy for a moment to see if he could get Melantha to take a shot in, or try the direct approach.102

“Hm? What’s that?” He looked towards to Captain Oddball, glaring at him from behind the shades.103

“He wants to know why you wear sunglasses in the morning,” came the words out of Melantha’s mouth.104

~Bingo. She speaks for the chump because he thinks too slow.~105

“Oh, that. I wear them so I'm not distracted by the lights around me when I’m trying to sleep. Besides, despite how dark they seem from the other side, they’re not so dark on this end.” To be honest, they were not all that shady. For some reason they blocked the sun very well, but everything else wasn’t that much darker.106

“Mind if I try them on?” Melantha asked.107

Steven took them off and handed them over to her, hoping they wouldn’t end up on his friend’s face too. He felt his shades would be desecrated if they touched his dull face. Luckily, she had a quick look-see and handed them back. Steven put them back on and tried to think of how to continue the conversation. He didn’t have to try too hard, though.108

“I guess they aren’t that dark after all,” Melantha commented. Her friend shrugged.109

“I still think it’s weird to wear sunglasses in the morning.” He remarked. He sounded as if he had a cold. His red nose certainly looked the part.110

“Oh please. Andrew is so weird, he’s probably from outer space,” she teased. Steven had to smile. He couldn’t resist.111

“You think he’s from Krypton? Got any super powers?” Steven annoyingly inquired. Melantha shook her head a bit.112

“Nah, he’s lazy. He’s probably from Mars. Imagine, a lazy Martian.” She smiled beautifully at Andrew’s droopy face, but it remained stationary. 113

Something sinister was cooking in his coconut noggin. He suddenly had a very stupid smile on his face. Apparently, he noticed Danielle was not on the bus today, and no one else figured to sit next to Melissa. He slid into Melissa’s seat and slung an arm around her delicate neck. Steven bared his teeth from behind his closed mouth. His quiet chuckle was a disguised growl.114

~Get away from her, you idiot!~ He thought.115

Luckily for Andrew and the breakable parts of his body, it wouldn’t last long at all. Melissa shrugged him off with a shake of her glimmering blonde locks and took his arm off of her too. 116

“Stop it,” she said in a voice too pitiful and adorable for Steven to stand. He balled his fist and prepared to rise. He would have gone to help, but big sister cut in first.117

“Andrew, leave her alone already. Come here, you goof.” Melantha rolled her emerald eyes at him and gestured him over.118

~Good girl, Melantha. You look out for Melissa.~ Steven smiled and was moved. It wasn’t often siblings looked out for each other at his school.119

Andrew went back over to Melantha almost reluctantly and sat with a slump. Steven smiled at the goof’s obvious failure as an appealing sort of boy. Some of the boys in front and behind were laughing, and were now staring at Melissa, and he began to realize something.120

~They’re starting to notice Melissa. The guys have been ignoring her, but now...~ He looked at her for a moment and finally understood how much she had changed. 121

The first thing he remembered was that she cut her hair sometime the year before. She once had long hair like her sister, but it was now more at shoulder length. She had gotten a bit taller, and her face seemed to glow more. If no one but Steven had fallen in love with her at first sight the year before, they certainly would now. But she was already so beautiful the year before. Had she really changed that much?122

Wait a minute. ~No, it probably is. I should have known. The reason had suddenly hit him.~123

In that one year, Melissa grew curvier. She was no longer just a pretty face, but she also had a sexy figure. He felt a sudden urge of anger towards the other boys. It took more for them than it took him to like a girl.124

~You need sex appeal. You can’t see beyond that. You can’t see what a rare catch she really is. You never bothered to notice her until she had what you’re after.~125

More than anything, she grew bustier in the last year. That was the ticket for any typical schoolboy to liking a girl. Steven had hardly taken the time to notice, since he had been too enchanted with her luminous eyes, glimmering locks and radiant face to ever really see anything else about her.126

For him, the morals and the looks were mandatory, and the figure was the plus. For everyone else but him, a sexy figure always came first, and looks and personality came as a plus. Morals were entirely disfavored, for it was an obstacle to their main goal. It was no wonder he saw so many rather striking young men dating plain girls and pretty girls dating plain boys – the sex appeal. Very little else mattered to them. They didn’t care if they met a new boy or girl one morning and ended up waking up beside them in bed the next. Morality, quality and sensibility, elegance and charm were omitted from the charts for a single feature - sexiness. 127

~Talking about trading the trashcan for a trophy. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.~128

So there in those two seats sat two glittering jewels, two exceptional young women. Every boy but Steven cared not for the long-term investment from winning such jewels, but only for a one-night stand. They disgusted him. 129

He looked at Melissa and assessed her. What was she to him, really? The one person in the world he didn’t get tired of seeing. The one person he always wanted to see. The one person he could never get enough of. Spending the rest of his life with her wasn’t a far-off thought either. In a time of his life he felt to be the most depressing, she made his head rise up and let him walk another mile. How could just seeing her do that? His goal was far too simple and yet far too complex for any typical schoolboy to comprehend, too innocent. Just talking with her, walking with her, and hopefully being friends with her for awhile would be enough. If she loved him too, he would wait for her as long as he had to. Waiting for her wasn’t a problem. 130

The bus had come into the parking lot. Steven noticed it but barely took note because his mind was elsewhere, and his eyes at the floor.131

And so what was the problem?132

The problem was the environment that she was in. The wolves that were ready to jump her while no one else was looking, they just surrounded her. Steven knew that big sister couldn’t look after Melissa forever. There was also the problem of her falling for a guy that would take advantage of her and ruining her inner, and therefore, also her outer, beauty. If he could wait for her, he would. But in such a world he was becoming to understand all too well, it would take a miracle for this one girl to survive it alone. He looked back over to Melissa.133

~I know you don’t know who I am, and you might not ever like me even, but I’m in love with you. And I’m not going to let them destroy you.~134

He always wondered why he fell in love with her at the times when she wasn’t around him. One look at her reminded him why. But she didn’t even know him.135

~You’re so close to me and yet we couldn’t be farther apart.~ 136

He put himself in a stupid situation, a situation of easily getting his heart broken. He knew it, but he was risking it anyway.137

~They’ll never know why you’re so beautiful, and they’ll never know why I love you.~138

The bus door opened. Every person there rose and began their way off. Steven again let Melissa and her sister ahead of him, and walked just behind them. With his eyes on Melissa, so many things went through his mind, but these were the ones that really mattered:139

~I don’t think I’m coming back to school next year. I don’t think I can look after you. I still have to befriend you, talk to you, and tell you why I love you. These boys here – they have all the time in the world to do that. I only have a week.~140

Chapter 3: His Only Regret141

Back in a long and dark December, for one reason that Steven could remember, he had gained a very different perspective of the world. He had fallen in love again. Why had he been so obsessed with the mere prospect of it? The matter seemed as simple as ordinary arithmetic, and yet finding the answer was harder than calculus. The thought of it was beyond ridiculous, but all too true.142

He realized that he could choose to forget Melissa and everything about her. He refused to – Steven did not want to forget her. He knew the risk involved – he knew the margin of failure. But she was the only thing that helped him to see what good there was left in the world. 143

The sad thing was that he was running short on time. Even though he was talking to Melantha, Melissa was still too caught up talking to Danielle and her other friends to notice him. She didn’t even talk to her sister that much, though since they lived in the same house there probably wasn’t much for them to talk about. He had realized too late that his plan wasn’t working. He only had two days left before he left school – though there were about four school days left, he was leaving earlier. Steven had arranged to take his exams a few days early, since there wasn’t too much homework going on at the time, mostly studying, and he had studied enough. He was leaving early because he was going on a trip with his mother to Virginia, a trip in which he planned to save a lost friendship, a move that was in itself was another risk.144

But at the moment, his mind was on the bus, on Melissa as always. He had little more than a short half hour every day to make progress, and it turned out he really hadn’t made any. He needed a new plan, and he needed it quick.145

~Is the direct approach my only option? It should be a last resort. Then again, there isn’t time for much else. But will that actually work on Melissa?~146

He thought it over, but the idea didn’t seem so good. First off, he was nervous at the idea of talking to her and coming off as an idiot, and also of scaring her into thinking he was a common schoolboy nut by rushing things. He wanted to be smooth about it. If this were Melantha he had to try it on, he would have done it. But despite the similarities Melissa had with her older sister, the one major obvious difference was her discretion of who to talk to and who not to talk to. This was a major down point for Steven, but should he do it?147

No, he had to wait a bit longer. He had already waited too long to make much of a relationship anyway, so he wanted to try and make an idea better than the direct approach. It had to be his last resort.148

His next move would be on Melantha – more specifically, a move on Melantha that might bring the attention of Melissa to Steven.149

~Okay, here it goes.~150

He had conveniently moved a seat in front of the lovely young woman, Melantha, and her idiotic companion, Andrew. Right across from them, as usual, were Melissa and Danielle. His obnoxious shades would hopefully get her attention like usual.151

They did. 152

“Hey Shades.” Apparently she got word of John’s nickname for him. Steven smirked for a millisecond before the smile disappeared. “How are you?”153

“Oh, I’m good. How about you, and uh, Andrew?” 154

“I’m fine, I don’t know about this weirdo,” she said as she gave him a playful nudge. He looked up to “Shades,” pointed his seemingly perpetually cold-infested red nose and gave him a nod of acknowledgment. “Shades” returned the favor. He looked over to Melissa, but she was still minding things elsewhere.155

~You might think being so close to her and talking to her sister might get her attention, but no. Too busy talking to Danielle, again!~156

Steven was about to speak up to Melantha when a disgusting stench suddenly filled the air. Melissa and Danielle had buried their faces in their shirts and were gagging inside them. Melantha and Steven followed suit, but Andrew either didn’t smell it due to his perpetual cold or enjoyed the smell. Either one seemed plausible, though you couldn’t tell either way because he almost always had that blank stare on his face, one so empty you weren’t entirely sure whether they were any thoughts going on inside his noggin at all.157

Some jerk up front was laughing, and he was the apparent source of the flatulent stench. 158

~Jeremy, what a surprise,~ thought Steven. Jeremy was Steven’s former friend and neighborhood that was ultimately corrupted by other the school kids and his now-closest companion, Jeremy. I’m not kidding, that what was his name was. They were both named Jeremy. 159

~If this world were not full of ironies,~ thought Steven, ~I never would have had a first love with the feminine form of my name. Well, Stephanie is sort of... well, whatever.~160

But it was full of ironies, and the former friend had become a bitter rival. Though Steven had far more class and even appeal, this little germ and his fellow bug had been a thorn in his side ever since he first came to school. Luckily, Steven had not only had never failed a grade, but he also skipped one, unlike the Jeremy twins, so they were still in middle school. But they were still here on the bus to annoy him. 161

“You guys are disgusting,” Steven called over. They looked back in evil pride.162

“Thank you,” they thanked him in a not-so-thankful manner.163

Steven had once beat the crap out of his old friend Jeremy, but he occasionally wished he could do it again. When he got his last beating, he had done very little to get it compared what he had done up to now. He was about to return his attention to Melantha, when another critter that had fled the stench had ended up in front of Steven. 164

“Shades!” said John. “Do you know that guy?”165

“Yeah, that’s my old neighbor. He’s a pain.” Steven nodded.166

“And he smells.” John added.167

“No argument there...”168

“By the way, Shades, I wanted to ask you a question about...”169

“Uh, John,” Steven butted in, “I was talking to...” He motioned to Melantha with his head.170

“Oh, don’t mind me,” she yawned. “I’m too tired anyway.” 171

~No, no, and no. I don’t wanna talk to this kid anyway. He’s too childish. He’s getting worse all the time.~172

It was true. While at first John was fun to talk to, he was getting more and more ridiculous all the time.173

“John, do you think you can manage one day without pestering me with these silly questions?” Steven whispered, not trying too hard to hide his annoyance.174

“Oh, don’t worry, Shades, you can stare at that hottie’s melons later,” John winked. He said it quiet enough just for Steven to hear.175

“Melons?” Steven said quietly, his jaw sliding down. He suddenly turned red with anger. He felt his control of his temper slip away, and he felt an urge to bring John’s neck between his hands and squeeze. “What kind of guy do you think I am?”176

“A straight one, I hope.” John seemed a little pleased with himself.177

“Just because I’m straight, it doesn’t automatically make me a peeping Tom.”178

“Come on, Shades,” John smiled, “don’t be ashamed. There’s no wrong in liking her melons.”179

“John, I’m gonna...” Steven said behind clenched teeth. ~Kill you in the worst possible manner.~ A mental reservation he had, of course. He was about to, too, in spite of the bus rules.180

He heard a sudden sneeze, stifled but loud enough to command attention to the sneezer. Steven turned and found the irresistible source – Melissa. It took away his temper for a moment. At least it wasn’t a fart.181

~Melissa. Gosh, even your sneeze is adorable.~182

The schoolboy suddenly noticed what he was thinking and thought it over again.183

~I don’t believe you, Steven. You’re so utterly hopeless, this girl could get you to eat out of her hands. You’re pathetic.~184

“Hey, she is kind of hot. What don’t you ask her out, Shades?” John snapped Steven out of his thoughts and back to the real world.185

“Don’t talk to me, John.” Steven crossed his arms, turned away from John and didn’t speak at all. He just had another oppurtunity blown to the obnoxious John and was now thoroughly annoyed to boot. Melantha was listening to Andrew talk while slipping away to sleep. Despite the fact she was naturally talkative, she was too sleepy this morning to really talk. 186

Steven hoped she would wake up in a few minutes, and then he would try again.187

“My girlfriend is going there tomorrow, actually,” Andrew replied to something Melantha said around a yawn.188

“Yeah, Melissa won’t be here tomorrow because she’s going too.”189

All along, he had been going about this the wrong way. His heart suddenly dropped, and he became sick inside.190

~NO!~ Steven screamed on the inside. ~It’s too late! Tomorrow’s my last day and she won’t be here tomorrow! I’ll never get to talk to her!~191

He knew he couldn’t do anything right now. It was only a few minutes before they arrived, and there was no way he could say what he wanted to say. And then Steven realized even a whole bus ride wouldn’t be enough.192

~I should have gone up to her the very first day. These past few weeks would have been more than enough to say what I had to say. But I was too afraid. And now it’s too late.~193

He looked back at her, knowing that these were his final moments with her. It made him sick. He wanted to puke right there. In all his life, he never had any real regrets. He figured he recovered from his mistakes, that he learned something from them. He knew that even if he learned from this, he would still regret it.194

~I failed. I could have influenced you a difference. I don’t think I’m coming back, and I can’t see you anywhere else. This is probably the last time I’ll ever see you.~195

Some many things he could have said, and he never said them. Why couldn’t he? Why couldn’t he just go up to her and say “hi”? Would it really have been that difficult? What was he so afraid of?196

~It would have been worth it. At least then maybe I wouldn’t be so filled with regret. I despise myself for this.~197

They arrived at the school. It was only a few minutes before she would leave him forever.198

~I wasn’t ready for this. I’ve never had the oppurtunity to talk to a girl I liked. And I wasn’t ready for this to end, this...~199

What would he do without her? She gave him hope in a life that seemed sour and sad. He had no friends, and he had no hobbies that could take away his boredom. She was the only thing that gave him purpose. He felt like a failure at everything else.200

~I have to live with this. I made the decision to go on that trip. If I didn’t, I’d have a few more days. I don’t even know if I can get Kathy back, and I just lost Melissa for good.~201

Kathy was a friend of his he had known only a little longer than Melissa. He had problems and misunderstandings with her, and their friendship pretty much went down the drain. And he had sacrificed it for something he had held higher in importance, not because he truly didn’t care for Kathy, but because he felt it was too much of a lost cause now. He had never tried anything with Melissa, not even a regular friendship. And now if he failed to get Kathy back, he would failed twice, and all for nothing.202

~I cannot fail, and yet for some reason I can’t explain, I can’t help but feel I will.~203

It was one of the bitterest moments in his life, almost if he had experienced the death of a friend. All things considered, it wasn’t too far off. Never seeing someone again is almost the same as if they were dead.204

His only regret was he never really talked to her. Just once, he wished he had talked to her. But even more, Steven wished he had had the courage to talk to her that very first day his brother and sister left. He hadn’t, and now there was nothing he could do but accept it.205

The bus door opened. Steven rose and let Melantha and Danielle pass him, and for the very last time, Melissa as well. The pounding of feet on the floor rushing to get off of the bus drowned out his sigh.206

As they all got off, Steven eyed Melissa’s beautiful visage for what he knew to be the last time. Time seemed to freeze for those last few seconds. 207

~Thank you for everything. I know you never knew about any of this, but your face gave me hope in this time of sadness. I wish you the best of luck to you out there. God be with you.~ 208

He knew his days within heaven's reach had ended. He looked away at last, and walked away with a tear on his eye and with a heavy heart beating inside, hiding away his secret love forever within him. 209

~Goodbye my love.~