Nicotine and Self Esteem (cont 2)

The night went on. Somehow the nine people left at the party had moved upstairs & were hanging out in random places in her kitchen, living room, etc. She was standing in the den with her friend drunkenly looking out the window at something stupid. He came up behind her & put his arms around her waist. He kept them there for longer than he ever had.1

Soon it was just them. She turned to face him. They were relatively close in heighth so she didn't need to stretch so far to have their lips close to one another. His hands pulled her closer. Their hips were touching. She moved her hands up his arms to his shoulders and back down again. She looked up at him but as soon as she did, her friend said something that caused her to leave him right away. She was nervous about it.2

She went to where everyone else was. That was the last thing she remembers until it was just him and her in the hallway. She pushed him up against the way. She couldn't take the tension anymore. He pulled her hips into his. Without pause, she put her lips to his.3

It was quick. Her tongue explored his mouth in less than 10 seconds. She released her lips and pushed herself away to join the others. It would be awkward to keep going while everyone else was still up. They would have that night to themselves.4

It went smoothly...for the most part. Their bodies match beautifully. They were both drunk enough to not be nervouse but not so drunk they were sloppy. All the tension broke at once. It was such a rush. There was no holding back. His hands explored her entire body. She pressed up against him like nothing was between them. As powerful as it was, she wasn't enjoying herself. He wasn't the right one. He was not the boy she wanted to be with. It was one of the most painful experiences she intentially put herself through.5

She needed to get over the one who didn't want to be with her. It wasn't even a question. She needed this night with this other boy. But she soon realized that she wasn't doing this to feel better. She was forcing this on herself. Like a way of punishment. Punishment for ever falling in love.6

The night continued. The pain grew. The buzz was wearing off. She couldn't take it anymore but she continued until he was done. When she turned away from him, he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck. The tears welled in her eyes. She needed to escape before this night was made any worse.7

She stood up, straightened herself out, grabbed her cigarettes and went outside.8

The warm, summer air filled her lungs. It felt good to finally breath. As the tears escaped from her eyes, she lit her first one. She felt calmer almost immediately.9

She lit the next one. Inhaled until all she could taste was burnt filter. Why aren't those damn things longer?!10

The next one didn't feel like anything. She was completely numb. The pain was gone. The slight glimpse of happiness was completely forgotton. She felt nothing.11

Except sick. She walked over to the side of the house and all at once, the contents of her stomach her forced out of her. Along with anything she might have been able to feel.12

She sat on the ground. Head burried in her knees. Tears pouring from her face. She had hit rock bottom.13

That was the first time she'd smoken an entire pack of cigarettes in less than 24 hours.