The moon rose high above the clearing, as the soft breeze ran through your hair. Through your window you gazed at the dark sky, eyes puffy, and heart broken. You wipe off the remaining tears from your eyes. Your mind flooded with memories of him. Zack. His long-blond hair that was soft to the touch. His dazzling blue eyes that always pierced your heart, and his deep voice that made your heart throb.1
You slowly pull back the covers and stand. Your labrador, Leroy, stands at your doorway, looking up at you with those big beautiful eyes, as if to say "what's wrong? Can I help?". He follows you out to the kitchen then gets distracted by the stray cat and runs outside. You stare at him through the window. You long to be like him, carefree and happy. You feel another tear slowly run down your face. Suddenly there is a knock at the door. Inspector Jankens is here to take your statement about Zack's death. "He came and picked my up for our date at around 8:00, and dropped me off afterwards at about 11:00" you say to the inspector, "He kissed me goodnight, and then left, that's the last a saw of him." Inspector Jankens thanks you and then leaves. 2
You decide to go for a drive, to clear your head. You hear Leroy bark as you back the car out of the driveway. You drive out to the old lake house, Zack used to take you their often. You start to get overcome with emotions. You slowly step out of your car and approach the bank of the lake. Beside you is a tree, caved in it, a message from Zack that he wrote on your first date three years ago, "Our love will last as long as this grand oak shall live".3
You look over to the other side of the lake and see a young couple, much like you and Zack were, you start to cry, remembering all the time you spent at the lake. They start to dance, her head resting on his shoulder, swaying to the gentle breeze. You remember when you had that fight and you came to the lake. He followed you and when he approached you at the bank, he kissed you, and you kissed back. That kiss made everything go away, oh how you long to feel it again.4
You start to wonder, how can I live without him? Is my life worth anything without him by my side? These thoughts begin to fill your mind. You look to your left and notice a piece of rope, laying in the dirt. You walk to it, pick it up, and swing it over tree branch just above the carving. You tie the other end on a loop. Tears start pouring down your face. You scramble ontop of a nearby boulder and slide the rope over your neck.5
You and Zack will be reunited again...
Author notes
I am aware that the starting paragraph that was given is set at nioght, but I didn't realise that till after writing the story, so yer just ignore that bit 
A contest entry
- Finish it. by Yoko.
539 points, ended September 26, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Swallow the Bottle, Cut a Little Deeper, Put the gun to your Chest by Kevan.
250 points, ended November 28, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Rip My Heart Out by Corpses.
175 points, ends December 13, 24 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
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Hmmm.. strangely written. You don't often read stories in second person. However, you seem pretty good at it, and I can almost picture myself as this character. There weren't too many mistakes, so that made it presentable and easy to read.
Best of luck in the contest.
xoxox.
Kevan. -
Hmm... This peice wasn't too bad.
It had a few grammatical errors, but those can be fixed with a simple proofred.
However, it wasn't really the grammar that was the problem with
this story, it was the lack if information. Sure, you talked about how He and Zach loved each other, but that's really all you said on the subject. And How did Zach die? was it suicide? Or an acident? Or murder or what. I think with a little bit of revision and editing this story could become pretty wholesome.
The end was a bit too cliche for me though.
Keep it up.
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Dude, that is soooo saaaad. *waah* I'm hurt. I felt pain. You did wonderfuly. I like it. Such a sad ending. This story was writing so smoothly. It went with the flow, you didn't add anything that is not needed. That is a goood story. Good job, and thanks for enetering my contest.
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I love the way this story begins, especially with the "deep voice that made your heart throb."
It's really quite interesting the way that you've written this, saying "You" instead of "I" or "she."
And the ending is great, I really wasn't expecting that.
It does leave me wondering though, Zack died, but how?
With the lines:
"He came and picked my up for our date at around 8:00, and dropped me off afterwards at about 11:00" you say to the inspector, "He kissed me goodnight, and then left, that's the last a saw of him."
--> A couple of words in here don't make sense, and grammatically it would read better as:
"He came and picked me up for our date at around 8:00, and dropped me off afterwards at about 11:00," you say to the inspector. "He kissed me goodnight, and then left, that's the last I saw of him."
A beautifully written piece, best of luck in the contest.
Forever--x
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