Screams of anguish filled his mind. He felt himself being tossed around violently like a ragdoll. Something metal smashed into him, squinting his eyes he saw flashing colors rolling all around him. Red, green, and blue rolling with his tumbling skeleton. Suddenly everything stopped, he heard gasping and felt a feeling of great icy coldness sinking into his body. Eye’s closing the darkness turned into two dark tunnels with an endless blackness.1
Slowly peeling his eyes open he tried to blink away the crusty tears that had dried there as he slept. His legs ached, and his knees throbbed. Trying to lift his arm he winced. A dim light seemed to sting his eyes from a little ways away. Finally the room smashed into focus. Stinging white walls, a well washed white tiled floor. The only explanation of this tacky decoration of flower’s and a TV jutting out of the wall was simple. He was in a hospital, in a hospital room, in a hospital bed, with no recollection of ever getting there. In fact he couldn’t remember much at all. Too in shock to think, he listened and studied his surroundings. The only sound of the room was a light beeping sound in the background. Turning his head as much as he dared he winced seeing a small screen beside him showing how his heart danced in his sore chest. Slowly he turned his eyes down to himself. Nothing was casted as far as he could tell, he saw no blood but he felt tight bandages all over his body. Hearing squeaking steps advancing towards him his eyes darted to a sudden light shining behind a thick curtain. Feet appeared, and the curtain was gently yanked back. The figure looked like a man, but its face was disfigured by shadows. 2
“Ah, he’s awake. That’s great,” a large voice boomed over the entire room. “So I guess I’ll quick go over the basics,” the man said stepping over to the wall to switch on a glaring light above his patients head. A middle aged man’s lined face appeared suddenly out of nowhere. A soft smile across his chubby cheeks made him seem like a nice enough man. “How are you feeling?”3
“Not so great, what happened to me,” surprised at his own scratchy voice he coughed. 4
“Don’t worry it’s normal after being in a coma for three days to have a little rough edge on the voice.”5
“Three days?”6
“Three days indeed, you came in here barly alive on a stretcher don’t you remember?”7
“I don’t, not a thing.” The doctor furrowed his brow.8
“What’s your name son?” The boy stared at the doctor blankly.9
“I don’t know. I have no idea. John? No, Ben? Oh my god how could I forget my own name?” 10
“It’s alright son, your names Vance Holliston. Can you remember anything? Age or where you live? Any siblings, parents, or friends you can recall?” The doctor sat down at the foot of Vance’s bed.11
“Not a thing, I can’t remember how old I am, all I can remember is this… loud noise like a bomb, and rolling colors,” Vance whispered hoarsely. His shoulders shook with a violent shutter. 12
“Calm down son, it’ll be alright. We haven’t located your parents Mr. and Mrs. Holliston, or your brother Jecht. Your friend Edward came into the hospital just when you did, unfortunately he didn’t make it, he died in the night two days ago. He had a concussion on his skull. Now doctors aren’t sure what happened to you, a lot of them say I shouldn’t tell you anything. I know I’m telling you too much, but you need to know. They said it was a car accident but your injuries seem so different then Edwards. His were bruises all around his body all of his bones were broken into tiny pieces but no puncture wounds. Yours on the other hand were deep gashing cuts and scrapes with no broken bones. Edward wasn’t aware enough, to tell us anything unfortunately.” The doctor shook his head gloomily. “I just… don’t understand it, at all. The man who called the police said he didn’t hear anything, or see anything. He just was walking when he bumped into your car, and found you and your friend inside. I’m sorry I’ve just been wanting to talk to you all week, hoping you’d wake up.”13
“My car and my friend?”14
“I know. I know it’s a lot to take in, and I’m sorry I’m pushing it all onto you. But I’ve seen weird things happen around this hospital, or I should say more this city,” the doctor said, his voice getting lower, quieter, and his eyes beginning to wonder around the room as if searching for a hidden camera. 15
“Listen doc, I would love to help you sort this all out, I’m in shock at the moment, I feel really light headed. I think I should just, maybe you know, get some sleep?” The doctor froze, as if he hadn’t heard what Vance had said, then straitening up quickly he cleared his throat.16
“Ahem, yes I’m sorry, that’s what you need rest, and time. Goodnight Vance,” the doctor smiled weakly as he stood, flipping off the light above Vance’s bed he walked towards the door, swishing the curtain behind him he closed the door quietly. Sighing Vance set his head back on his pillow, honestly he had slept for long enough, so sleep was the last thing on his mind. He wanted to figure out who he was, he wanted to know now! He was Vance, but he couldn’t put his thoughts around his name, his mind was blank. Besides the scrolled out thoughts the doctor had managed to shout in his ears, and the loud noise, and rolling colors. Car crash? That would explain the rolling colors if the car had flipped upside down, the loud noise could be collision? The screaming, well that could be his own as well as his best friend Edwards. Shuttering he continued to think over what he knew.17
Author notes
This is an old story that I wrote. I just recently found it, and I find it to be an OK start. I'm not very sure where I'd go with this, or where I intended to bring it back when I wrote it. What do you think?
Where should i go with this?
Comments
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I like this story and the imagery you created. I think there were a few places you may have used to many words. like in paragraph one you say "He could feel himself being tossed violently around. As if he were nothing but a rag doll" I would suggest " He felt himself being tossed around violently like a ragdoll" or something similar. I am a little confused at the end of p1 how can he even see shapes to make out coming down a tunnel of endless blackness. In p2 i would consider revising that last sentence my suggestion is get rid of "and hard to tell" there are a few places I think some tiny revisions would help the flow of the story. It is nthing major just pieces that seem a bit cumbersome an interestng read all around.


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It's a good stor
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Thanks, I guess.
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