I walk through the city of Chicago day by day. Eliminating the vam- murders as I go. Even if I killed 20 ...About three times that would come back. I was the only hunter...So the numbers were getting to me. I know this sounds pretty boring but..It will get interesting as it goes on. So don't worry. 1
I hunt my own kind. I hate the humans but I wouldn't have the planet any other way. If you wonder why I hunt them...Its because they killed or taken my family and loved ones. Anyone that got close...Died. My sister...My mother, Father, and my fiance. From then...I haven't shown any emotion except for hatred towards everyone...Watching them turn and kill people I see daily only fuels my hatred towards them. 2
And by them....I mean vampires. I myself am a vampire. But I'm not like that any more. Not like...Them. I grew out of that state...They're just not mature enough. They're even too young to fight it or too old to grow out of the habit. I was different. 3
I wasn't like most of them...I had been living...Before Vlad and all the fables about vampires. I was the first...True vampire. All the others are just rip offs. Imperfect. Weaker. More vulnerable. I was created. Along with my sister...Created by man. Even though most humans think that they didn't have that ability to create something so advanced...They were...My brothers and sisters...All created to serve in war. All faulty. They didn't last long. One touch of light and they exploded. But that changed as time progressed. They soon became immune to light but they were weak. And then I came along. Perfect fighting machine. I was born human but I was dead on arrival...So was my sister...They took our mother. They used her. Used her to ...Give birth..To the dead. We didn't know who she was... But she kept us safe. 4
We were different. We were let out...As experiments...Against sunlight. We wanted to play with the other children...But they were afraid. Afraid of us. We hated it...We started to hate...Everything...Anyone. Our mother was, excuse me, is dead. They blamed it on us. They started sending us into battle against their own men. But they didn't except us to kill them. Destroy everything, everyone, and anything we could. 5
No one noticed our power except two men. William...And Peter. They noticed. They took us with them when we destroyed our only home. Pete told me to ignore the urge to drink blood until it was ripping me apart. I did as he said. While William told my sister the opposite. She began killing and draining as much as she could whenever she had the urge.6
William took her when he and Pete got into a huge fight. William had "turned" Peter originally and wanted him to follow everything he said and everything he thought. I hated that way of thinking but my sister...Loved it. We started getting into fights. Peter and William couldn't stop us. We destroyed whole into forests and caused massive holes within mountains. Our once great team...Became torn. We all hated one another. My sister and I...We were the worst. Being the perfect beings. We couldn't kill each other. Our limbs had been detached and reattached. Sewed on. Then torn back off. We bite each other. We were out to get each other....And still are to this day. 7
I live, excuse me, lived with Pete. He had been so good to me. And I wrecked it. But he wanted his own thing and I wanted mine. Now I was alone. And still am. 8
I am...Forever to walk the Earth alone and emotionless. 9
I hunt my own kind. I hate the humans but I wouldn't have the planet any other way. If you wonder why I hunt them...Its because they killed or taken my family and loved ones. Anyone that got close...Died. My sister...My mother, Father, and my fiance. From then...I haven't shown any emotion except for hatred towards everyone...Watching them turn and kill people I see daily only fuels my hatred towards them. 2
And by them....I mean vampires. I myself am a vampire. But I'm not like that any more. Not like...Them. I grew out of that state...They're just not mature enough. They're even too young to fight it or too old to grow out of the habit. I was different. 3
I wasn't like most of them...I had been living...Before Vlad and all the fables about vampires. I was the first...True vampire. All the others are just rip offs. Imperfect. Weaker. More vulnerable. I was created. Along with my sister...Created by man. Even though most humans think that they didn't have that ability to create something so advanced...They were...My brothers and sisters...All created to serve in war. All faulty. They didn't last long. One touch of light and they exploded. But that changed as time progressed. They soon became immune to light but they were weak. And then I came along. Perfect fighting machine. I was born human but I was dead on arrival...So was my sister...They took our mother. They used her. Used her to ...Give birth..To the dead. We didn't know who she was... But she kept us safe. 4
We were different. We were let out...As experiments...Against sunlight. We wanted to play with the other children...But they were afraid. Afraid of us. We hated it...We started to hate...Everything...Anyone. Our mother was, excuse me, is dead. They blamed it on us. They started sending us into battle against their own men. But they didn't except us to kill them. Destroy everything, everyone, and anything we could. 5
No one noticed our power except two men. William...And Peter. They noticed. They took us with them when we destroyed our only home. Pete told me to ignore the urge to drink blood until it was ripping me apart. I did as he said. While William told my sister the opposite. She began killing and draining as much as she could whenever she had the urge.6
William took her when he and Pete got into a huge fight. William had "turned" Peter originally and wanted him to follow everything he said and everything he thought. I hated that way of thinking but my sister...Loved it. We started getting into fights. Peter and William couldn't stop us. We destroyed whole into forests and caused massive holes within mountains. Our once great team...Became torn. We all hated one another. My sister and I...We were the worst. Being the perfect beings. We couldn't kill each other. Our limbs had been detached and reattached. Sewed on. Then torn back off. We bite each other. We were out to get each other....And still are to this day. 7
I live, excuse me, lived with Pete. He had been so good to me. And I wrecked it. But he wanted his own thing and I wanted mine. Now I was alone. And still am. 8
I am...Forever to walk the Earth alone and emotionless. 9
Author notes
NEW STORY *gasp* I forgot something...You wont because I would have already changed it by time you read //-^
Like? Yes or Yes I will allow you to kill me?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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likes!
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Pretty good. Only one suggestion.. Don't use so much "..." after everything. other than that, very creative.
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Hello i LOVED it //-^ i would love to hear who the sister is *wink wink* Lolz well bye sis love your writing please write more PLEASEEEEEE
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very very good...I love it!!!! very good idea...wonder what you forgot...or well...can't wait to read more...you must write more.
M
R
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bravo! i love it. i also love the slight Fall Out Boy referance in the title. but aout the story. im new to storywrite, so my criticism is worth about as much as used gum. but i really like it! good work. a perfect intro for the character. revealing, but leaves questions.good.
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A lot of impact in the first chapter. Nice short background that doesn't confuse. It has good potential to make an interesting story.
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Very good beginning. Gave a very great back story to the character adn set the stage for soemthing big! Great job! Keep writing! Rian
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its awesome..look im sorry for what i said. I was just upset about what u said and i didnt know what to say for deffense, but i do love u..and who is the great team and who is your sister in the story?..im not going to kill u..have u even read my story yet?
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