I turned away from the campfire. He was there, right in front of me. No sound, no nothin, just - there.1
"Hello", I said,"where did you come from?"2
"I live here"3
He was an aboriginal. I was fishing on the Lachlan, miles from any habitation, or so I thought.4
"What's your name?" I asked. 5
" You better call me Jack, you can't speak my way".6
So Jack joined us on the riverbank. Slim wiry bugger, grey hair and the most remarkable eyes I have ever seen.7
I shook my head and turned back to the campfire.I was still shaken at his appearance from nowhere,silently. The billy was boiling so i made the tea.8
Jack had a dilly bag with his possessions in it, a couple of spears, a couple of boomerangs and a womera.He carried no water, had no plate, no cutlery but a knife sticking out of the dilly bag, and a modern tomahawk. He looked healthy and he did have a tin mug. I got him a mug of tea.9
Old Pop, Tassie and Morrie came up from setting lines in the river. "Meet Jack", I said and introduced each by their nickname only, "He wants to camp here, too."10
"OK " says old Pop," His people were here long before ours ever heard of it".11
That is how Jack came to spend a few days with us, camped on the bank of the Lachlan.12
Comments please
Comments
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You have the outline drawn on the canvas, Bob. Now you have to get get your 'paints' out and paint it, just as you did with the waterfall picture hanging in our lounge room
To those out there reading about Jack, when Bob tells it, it is quite magical; you are there with the blokes around the camp fire and you can see Jack and hear his musical voice, which is typical of the true bushman, outback.
It's lovely to see you writing this. When it is done, I hope you're going up the school and reading it to the kids.
Lis.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I have the story in my head as a memory of my younger days, but, I find it easier to tell the story than write it out. My writing skills are not up to scratch to give full credit to the Aboriginal people who have occupied Australia for forty thousand years through drought and flood that send us caucasians mad with worry. Maybe my class will help get the story out there and do justice to its characters.
Thank you for your support during my journey into writing. Without your help and encouragement there would be no stories and no poems on site at all. I will always be in your debt.
Love
Bob
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This is going to be a real good story. So far, you have introduced Jack with a sense of okay, if you get what i mean. You are definately heading down the right track with this one. Love to hear more and will be looking for it. Great job. In paragraph 11, I'm not sure that says needs a coma? I could be wrong. Tell me if i am.
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I thank you so much for your comments. I have not been able to write prose with any sense at all for years. This is my third attempt to write stories on site. I simply removed the others as they were not readable. I will continue with Jack and then see if I can write other stories later.
Your comment has given me the incentive to continue. Thanks again.
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