I never write poetry. I'm horrible at it. My rhymes are basic, my rhythm questionable, and my overall attempts come out strained. 1
Today, however, was such an extraordinarily beautiful day that I couldn't resist, and I sat outside under a birch tree on the grass and let the blue sky convince me that maybe, maybe this time I'd write something I wouldn't be ashamed of later.2
UNTITLED (as of right now..)
I would like to help God watch you while you sleep
To ease you through the quiet
That the stars and angels keep.3
I would like to hold your palm, and soothe your purse'd brow
If the nighttime wind blows restless
Amongst the pine tree boughs.4
I would like to kiss your trouble lids and say a trembling prayer
That when the morn peered through your dreams
You would find me there.5
FRANK + SALLY
Sunshine
and daisies
and lilies of the valley
and there, on a tree
-heart
FRANK + SALLY6
No sunshine
no daisies
snow in the valley
still there, on the oak
-heart
FRANK + SALLY7
Moonbeams
a window
facing towards our valley
and there, on my soul
-heart
ME + SALLY8
Sunshine
and daisies
by a tombstone in the valley
written on the rock
"Too Soon"
FRANK + SALLY9
Was the blue sky so wrong?
Let the truth blaze its agony!
Comments
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Wow- you have desperate need for criticism! Too bad I don't have much. I suck at poetry too!!!
I like the second one most- I'm kind of horrible because I think it's funny. The beat is original, and I just like the way it looks. I don't know why the sky told you to kill frank and sally, but whatever.
The first one is sweet, it really is... and I'm not into that type of thing
The rhyme is a little off, but I can't think of any suggestions, since I can't crappity rhyme for crap.
Both have more value for being written in the shade of a tree on a beautiful sunny day... I liked your intro most most of all, actually. ^_^
Well, actually, here's a suggestion: free verse! It's American!
(Thanks for the poetry)
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