My Curse

My life is complicated. There have been twists and turns that were for the absolute worst. I didn’t intend for this to happen but it did and I can’t do anything about that. Who am I? I am a vampire.1

You might think that I wasn’t born, that I was bitten and transformed into one and is thirsty for blood this very second. Wrong. I was born, and in fact I grew up too. But I am going to start at the beginning. In 1995 I was born, like a lot of kids I was born crying. But I wasn’t born in a hospital; I was born in a house, my REAL parents’ house. Neither of them wanted me, they thought that I would have slowed them down. So they dumped me off in an orphanage. They, however, left out what I was. I was given a lot of attention and was cared for as if I was the attendant's own. I acted like a normal baby except I behaved better than the others. They liked me not only because of that but I would always keep to myself. A few times I actually broke up fights between two babies because one wouldn't share a toy. I was a lot smarter than the other orphans my age; I found one of the attendant's wallets and took out her money. I didn't get away with it though; she saw me and took her stuff back. A long month passed and suddenly a stranger came. The stranger was a woman around mid twenties in age.2

“I would like to adopt a boy,” she said to the clerk.3

“Go on in and find one for you,” said the clerk smiling.4

The lady went into the room where all of the orphans gathered and were waiting to be adopted. There were so many, all different shapes, sizes, and ages. The lady scanned everyone, until her eyes focused on me. She went over into the crowd of children and picked me up. I smiled and gurgled happily. She filled out all the papers and stuff and took me to her home. She was excited and waited for her husband to come home from work. When he did she showed me to him, he wasn’t too happy.5

“Take that monster back!” he barked.6

"He is not a monster!" she said.7

"That thing is a killer!" he shouted.8

“No!” she replied.9

“Susan, honey, that’s not human!” he angrily.10

"How can you tell?" she asked suspiciously.11

"If you won't take him back I swear I will!" he said, ignoring his wife's last question.12

“He isn’t grown up yet! How do you know that he will turn bad?” she replied.13

"How do you know that it won't?" he asked14

I gurgled and smiled at him.15

His face was warped with anger, he reached for me but his wife pulled me away from him.16

"Stay away from him!" she said.17

"Susan! Put that thing down!" he said.18

I started crying because all of the yelling scared me.19

"Can't we talk about this later?" she pleaded.20

"Fine, we will discuss this tomorrow," he said.21

I was put into a bed that was made of pillows and blankets and the couple went to sleep, at least Susan did. The man was sitting on the side of his bed scowling at me as I slept. He had an idea to get rid of me. He went into bed and fell asleep thinking of what it would be like to see me gone.22

The next morning he wrote a note to his wife that he took me to work with him, which he didn't.23

I was put into the back of his car as he drove to "his work." I looked up at the rusted, run down building we pulled up to.24

He picked me up and carried me under his arm instead of holding me like a mother would have. He stepped inside and was walking toward a pile of sharp and rusty objects.25

I let out a small coo as I saw a comforting face behind me.26

"What are you doing with my son?" said Susan.27

The husband turned as she grabbed a wood block and hit him in the head with it, she pulled me out of his arm as he was falling.28

He had a bruise and a small cut on the side of his face.29

"It doesn't deserve to live!" he shouted.30

"You belong behind bars," she said quietly.31

Two police cruisers pulled up with flashing lights and alarms going off.32

"Fine, choose that over me," he said.33

He didn't take his eyes off of me and Susan as he was dragged into the police car and driven away.34

Now, thirteen years later I am going into eighth grade and I had no idea what I was or that I was adopted.35

“Bye mom,” I said as I left the house.36

“Have a good day at school! And you did bring your jacket didn’t you?” she said.37

“Bye!” I said as I walked across our lawn, ignoring her question. I heard the door close and lock and I looked back. Through the window I saw her walking up the stairs to get ready for work. I walked down the road on the icy curb, wearing nothing more than a t-shirt and jeans. My tennis shoes were Nike Reax with colors of black, silver, and red. For some strange reason, the cold didn’t bother me, it never did. I stood at the bus stop and I waited for something to happen. Unfortunately something did.38

“Hey the nerd’s here!” said Jason.39

“Wow! Four whole words! That’s a record,” I replied smiling.40

“At least I know how to run fifty yards without getting tired,” Jason replied.41

“At least my I.Q. is a larger number,” I mumbled.42

Jason didn’t understand what I meant and stood there confused.43

“Than fifty!” I said loudly.44

I rolled my eyes as he finally understood what I was talking about.45

Jason was the star of the football team and wasn’t very bright, with a report card of solid C-s he was able to play by the skin of his teeth.46

Then, right on time, the bus pulled up and I got on.47

I sat in the nearest empty seat I could find and set my backpack in the extra space.48

My bus route was extremely short, and almost every kid could get an entire seat to themselves. I liked this; being crammed into a seat with someone else didn’t make me comfortable. Another thing I liked about this bus is that my life-long crush rides it too.49

Her name was Alice and she had very light brown hair and beautiful blue eyes. She always preferred to hang out with the “in” crowd but I didn’t care. I was absolutely sure that there was a person inside that hollow, shallow shell. And I was determined to find it. But I was a fairly patient person, so I decided to wait until the perfect moment. Until then I would wait. I didn’t have very many friends, apparently they didn’t like me knowing so much and getting an all A report card. So I was named the biggest nerd in the school and nobody would stoop so low to even talk to me, this didn’t bother me that much, in fact being called a nerd is a complement for me. It means I am smarter than who ever calls me it.
When we got close to the school I put my backpack on and got ready to stand up. When the bus started stopping everybody started to stand up.50

“Stay seated!” shouted the driver.51

Everybody sat back down and resumed talking. I noticed the revolting smell of a monster energy drink and looked around. Several kids had them and were drinking them. I hated them, and they were loaded with caffeine. I turned back to the school and then looked at my watch, 7:59 there was one minute left. Wap! Something hit me on the back of the head. It was a crumpled up paper, I picked it up and read it.52

It said, Will u go out with me? Melissa.53

Melissa was a fairly smart girl but hung out with the cheerleaders way too much for my liking.54

I tore the paper in half and looked at her, “Let me guess, you got zapped?”55

She nodded, her long black hair bouncing around.56

“I will have to say… No,” I said.57

She smiled and mouthed thank you.58

I never really got the whole zapping thing, it just seemed stupid. Plus I was a primary target for it because I was the biggest nerd in school. The school bell rang and the bus door opened, I flew from my seat and went outside. I felt the temperature difference but I wasn’t bothered by it. I took a deep breath and got ready for another day at school.

Author notes

If enough people like this story I will continue it. Plz.

A contest entry

I would love to hear your comments

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Secthertle
    November 9

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    It is wonderful! I personally think that you should complete the story... (KEEP WRITING!!!!!!) And yeah, the whole zap thing is breaking out in my school and it's stupid. The main character is very connected to an 8th grader, it's great!


  • beezy92
    January 17

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    Okay, well, I warned about unbelievable vampire stories and this one kind of fit the mold, unfortunately. It was awkwardly worded, un-believable, and the voice seemed like one of someone who wasn't a grown adult, looking back. It seemed more like the voice of a child pretending to be an adult looking back.

    Also, I agree with ILoveTea, "was born" was overused in the first paragraph.

    "In 1995, I was born, like a lot of kids, I was born crying." This was redundant. One "I was born" is enough. (:

    On a different note, I did appreciate how this story was original as far as vampire stories go. There was no vamp/human romance and I appreciated that. Thanks for the entry and good luck in the contest! (:


  • ILoveTea
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Nice Potential.

    Great start, but you use the word 'born' frequently in the beginning. May I also suggest that you use indentation for beginning of paragraphs? How about a new paragraph, "In 1995 I was born...?" It would be nice to explain in greater depth why your biological parents did not accept you. What were their reasons? Usage of the word, "dumped" sounds harsh. Describe why the man does not agree with his wife on the selection of the child. What details can you include about the baby that distances him and his wife? Also, in line 35, why would he think that way? The rest of the story flowed nicely. I liked your sense of tone. Solid.


    • idancer
      December 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I only used born so many times because I couldn't find any decent words to replace them, spawned doesn't sound too right.


  • Olinda
    December 14, 2008
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    This was very good! I really liked this! Nice background, too!

  • lovetoloveyou
    December 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is interesting... it seems awkward at some parts, but I'll leave it at that for now. I'll make this more specific after reading onward in the story. Otherwise, it was good, by the way. A few errors here and there, but I can ignore those. Radiance pointed out most of them already.


  • Radiance
    August 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Okie-day. *rubs hands evilly* Let's get down to business....

    From the kick-off, you had tense switches. What I mean is this: "There (are) twists and turns that (were) for the absolute worst." -- The words in parenthesis are NOT THE SAME TENSE. One is present; one is past. You have that problem throughout this piece. (But don't worry; it's a common error! )

    The whole adoption scene was VERY rushed. Put more detail, draw it out a little longer! (Keep in mind that the protagonist's adoptive parents should argue a LOT more before the dad/husband guy leaves forever!) More emotion would also help this a lot.

    That enormous paragraph smack-dab in the middle? My tiny brain got distracted. You should try starting a new paragraph at the sentence that begins "Her name was Alice," and another at "When we got close to the school I put my backpack on."

    Watch out for missing punctuation at the ends of sentences! You have rather frequent grammatical errors that could use a good smack on the backside. Show them who's boss!

    But I am intrigued. Even though vampire stories get REALLY old on here after a while (especially the Twilight fanfics.... *shudder*), yours is a little different, and your main character is VERY clearly a normal kid.

    My suggestion? Continue this! I know you have an issue with an overflow of ideas and a lack of motivation to continue them, but you MUST.

1 - 11 of 11