Destruction

God, if there was ever such a thing, never intended Man to take so much power that he destroyed the people around him. She didn’t believe in God. But she did believe in the power to destroy. 1

Running had been a favourite pastime, feet pounding against the hard concrete as she ran round the block. Fumes from the main road sticking to the inside of her nose and the cathedral spire pointing into the hazy sky imprinted on her mind. The loud voices calling off the market as she ran through town, the strength of accents varying and rising and falling like a familiar song. Out into the suburbs and onto the Peak District where the hills jutted out hard against the horizon and muted purple heather set alight to the weathered ground. Running, right up until she came in a circle to the back garden with the broken gate and decimated furniture. 2


7th December. 3 months.3

Another paper bag that Mr. G gave me I’m afraid, but no reason to change the habit. I’ll ask him to buy me a notebook for Christmas… or just give me a cheque. The job is still unsteady. Jazz says we might be getting laid off if they don’t start getting more business but she doesn’t know anything – she just likes the drama. If she likes drama she could move up north and live with my family. Yeah, that’s first class drama. 4

Dad tried to call me yesterday evening but we pretended that we were French. I don’t know how he got our number. Don’t judge me diary, please, I know it must be killing him what with Mum gone and all but I can’t face George. Why did it have to be my brother? It feels dirty and wrong even as I think it to write it. 5

Shouldn’t time and distance make it better? 6


The wind and rain battered her bare arm as she thrust it out into the road hoping a car would pull over. Hope. Sick twisted hope. She hadn’t had time to pack anything other than what was already in the leather satchel. A few pieces of chewing gum, a twenty pound note and a Spiderman comic. 7

And then hope found her in the shape of glowing orbs pulling to the side of the road. The battered car’s engine spattering out as the driver rolled down the window and squinted through the rain to gaze on her rain-washed face. “Where’re you going?” The croaking woman’s voice had spoken. “Anywhere.” 8


5th October.9

Happy Birthday me. Another year of oxygen being wasted by Maggie Freeman. 16 and not even a kiss from someone I wanted to kiss. The girl that works in the grocer’s talked to me today. She said that she could put me up for a while. I’m going to accept her offer, she seems nice. I can’t remember her name. 10


8th January. 4 months. 11

We got the sack. Jazz says she knows a way to make it better, make life more fun. Anything to make me forget what George did. 12


The drugs make it easy. See, I hate that word ‘drugs’ it sounds so negative – it sounds like jail or hospitals and I’m not going to either of those. If I saw George today, I’d kick his face in. I hate him. I hate everyone. Except Jazz. She’s better than anything I can take, she makes me forget everything and she’s so different from everything I was before. She doesn’t mind that I’m not whole anymore – she’s in pieces as well. Her Dad did what George did to me. She had it worse, it took her longer to leave. 13


We’re happy now. We have each other and weightlessness. Not freedom though. Freedom would be to totally forget everything. You aren’t free when you wake up scared. But you can be happy if you have things to forget. 14


She won’t wake up. 15


I had to leave when the coppers raided the place and I left her behind. I think I’ll see her round though. Jazz always gets up and meets up with me somewhere. I’m tired now, I’ve been running all day, I’m not as fit as I used to be. I think I’ll lie down now. 16


“Mr Freeman?” 17

“Yes?” 18

“It’s Inspector Holland.” 19

“Is this about my son’s sentence?”20

“No, sir, I’m from missing persons unit.”21

“Oh my God.” 22

“Don’t panic, sir.” 23

“She’s alive?”24

“Yes, she’s been admitted to a rehabilitation unit.” 25

“Drugs?” 26

“That’s the way with many of the kids we find on the streets, sir.” 27

“Will she be able to come home?” 28

“You’ll have to ask your daughter, sir.” 29