Donna

1

“I need some cigarettes,” said Donna. She had made many half-hearted attempts to quit, but the longest she had gone was two weeks without a cigarette. She had been smoking since she was thirteen.2

“But Donna, we don't have any money,” said Jerry. “We'll have to pawn something.” Jerry did odd jobs. About 6'2” and obese, weighing about 350 pounds, he talked about being a truck driver, but he rarely held a truck driving position for any serious amount of time. Donna didn't like him to be away from home-her, and he didn't like to take her on the jobs that would allow him to carry a passenger. It seemed to be a love-hate relationship.3

“See if John will loan us a few dollars. Tell him I'll pay him when I get my check.” Donna received a disability check from the government, Social Security. She'd lost her left eye. She had a list of medical problems. She was not shapely, but had a big butt and a small top. Both she and Jerry had brown hair and eyes. Donna was not fat, but she was a good-size woman.4

Donna and Jerry currently rented a room from John. They'd been there for about six months. John provided a phone, satellite television, and internet as a part of the rent. 5

Donna had two boys from previous marriages and Jerry had a daughter. Donna's children stayed with her ex-husband's family and the other with her mother. Jerry's daughter stayed with his ex-wife. Jerry was ten years older than Donna's thirty years.6

“John, can you spare a few bucks? Donna wants some cigarettes. We'll pay you when Donna gets her check.”7

“How much do you need?”8

“Can you spare ten?”9

John reached in his wallet and gave ten to Jerry.10

“Thanks, Buddy,” said Jerry and then he went after her cigarettes.11

Donna very patiently waited for Jerry to come around. It was her secret that she intended to marry Jerry regardless of what it took. Jerry, on the other hand, was in no hurry to marry. He'd had enough bad experiences in his last marriage to last him a lifetime. 12

An odd pair they made, Jerry was a non-smoker, deeply religious in his way, almost superstitious. Donna smoked heavily and was almost amoral. Both would stoop to almost any level for money. However, they were friendly and likable when they weren't fighting. When they fought, they shouted and threw things.13

Jerry didn't seem to realize that Donna planned to marry him. They'd been living together for about two years. She was stuck to him like glue. It was a tumultuous relationship. He enjoyed egging her on when she was angry. She'd just get angrier. Sometimes she'd even beat him with her fists or kick him, but he was big and seemed to enjoy wrestling with her. “Fuckhead!” she'd scream at him and he'd just laugh. 14

John suspected that they were co-dependent. Donna was insecure and relied on Jerry's strength, both emotional and physical. Jerry counted on her steady income and her unfaltering dedication. 15

They were always buying things and then selling them at a loss. It was amazing that they had anything to sell. They'd trade on vehicle after vehicle and still they'd seem to have running transportation. They never had money for long, but always seemed to have gas and cigarettes. They usually paid their rent on time, but had bill collectors after them for other things. Half of their possessions went in and out of pawn shops.16

A few days later Donna was out of smokes again. She had Jerry hit John up for another loan. “You should quite smoking,” said Jerry.17

“I'm too tense right now to quit,” answered Donna.18

“You smoke more than a hundred dollars worth of cigarettes a month.”19

“At least I make a hundred dollars a month,” she returned bitterly.20

“Let's not get into that.”21

“You started it. You need to get your sorry ass a job,” she fumed. Actually, her concern was more about the lack of cigarettes than about his job.22

“I'll find a job.”23

“Well, you won't find it sitting around here all day. Are you going to get me some cigarettes?”24

“I sure wish you'd quit.”25

“If you marry me,” she replied calming down. “I'd quit. Promise.”26

“Bet you wouldn't.”27

“Take me up on it and see.”28

Conversations turned more and more to marriage. Donna had weaved her web and now that she had Jerry in it, she wasn't about to let him go. She genuinely convinced herself that she would quit smoking if Jerry married her.29

“Looks like Donna and I are going to get married,” said Jerry. 30

“You don't seem to happy about it,” observed John.31

“Well, I want to keep her happy.”32

“What about you? Are you going to be happy?”33

“I guess so,” he mumbled. He acted like a man being led to his execution. “She said she'd quit smoking.”34

“You believe that?”35

“I don't know.”36

“Seems like a strange reason to get married. Maybe you should get her to quit first.”37

Jerry said, “I don't think she'd go for that.”38

John didn't figure she'd quit.39

Well, Donna achieved her secret ambition and they were married in October. She made a little effort to stop smoking, but more effort at making excuses. She had patiently waited for nearly two years for Jerry to marry her. Now that she had him, she had little intention of changing her ways. Gary wasn't changing his, either.40

“I thought she was going to stop smoking,” said John a couple of months later.41

“Yeah, she promised she would.”42

“Are you going to divorce her for not keeping her word?”43

“I might.”44

Theirs seems like a rocky marriage, but they are still together. Donna got a cash settlement for an injury sustained in an auto accident. They went to Las Vegas and came back disgusted and broke. They moved in with a friend. Money comes and goes through their fingers like dirty water. Donna still has her secrets, makes promises she can never keep, and waits for impossible dreams to come true.45