Baby Bird On A Battlefield (poetry)

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How it mourns so sadly,
its slowly closing eyes,
the opening beak raising back
then up one more time to its god
such trusting love, as its broken wings,
like a run over cricket’s legs, in death
trembling, cease as baby bird dreams
of flight and fat bees, thin, thin,
and smoke-like flee
to its tender god who loved
its titanic heart,2

it, the only, whose side God was on.3

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1 - 8 of 8

  • iliad
    August 28, 2008

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    Wow. This is really written well. I liked this a lot, because this is one of those poems that you have to read twice. Carefully, to make sure you can take in it's true meaning. I found the ending, "it, the only, whose side God was on" a bit enigmatic, but such is the way with poetry. The really good stuff you have to decipher for yourself. I think different people will get different things out of the imagery of this poem which is definitely at the core of its brilliance. I look forward to reading more from you in the future. Nice write.

    -iliad-

    . Rewarded 8


  • nintendogsforever
    August 28, 2008

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    Amazing. This is the first poem i've read on storywrite, and it shows promise. It's so sadm though! I hate srrow, but your poem is starting to help me understnd grief. Keep writing!

    . Rewarded 4


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    August 28, 2008

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    This is one of the more finally writen of the poems I have found on this site. I love to read poetry and I loved this poem. I wonder if this poem is somehow medaphoric? In the title you use the word battlefeild but how the poem is writen it gives no mention to a battlefeild. The last line was perfect, just reading it made me re-read the poem with an new light. Descriptive, interesting, well writen, I enjoyed this poem and only wish I could write that well.

    . Rewarded 8


  • Giovanna Corvis
    August 28, 2008

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    oh, this is soo beautiful! Its not usually the kindof thing I read but something made me keep reading it. I dont know what but it was well worth it!!!


  • Lady Eventide silver member
    August 28, 2008

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    Remarkable! Absolutely sensational! You grabbed me at the beginning and I merely floated along to the end (in tears of course). Love the way that you used 'it' throughout...sort of like saying that all small things matter in God's eyes. Well done indeed. Love the imagery.


    • Danny Beatty
      August 28, 2008

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      the first intelligent comment i've had on this poem!!! ... some, shallow fool, although perhaps it was just a dna deal, you know, his family tree maybe doesn't have that many branches, if ya get my meaning ... his comment: "only the strong survive" ... i deleted his comment rather quickly to keep him from being embarrassed by his own inbred mentality ... ...

      u rok!

1 - 8 of 8