Unexpected Things Happen

"Hey Liz".1

"Yeah"?2

"Green or Light Blue"3

"Umm, I'd say Light Blue. It's more you."4

"Yeah your right. What color do you want?5

"I was kinda thinking Pink. I'm feeling girly today!" Liz said giddly as they were sitting on Cameron's bed painting their nails.6

"Liz, when aren't you girly?"7

"Touche"8

"Oh my God, It's still raining outside! You would think it would stop after like 5 days!" Cameron said looking outside her tiny window next to her bed.9

Cameron's house was a small town house located in Southern New Jersey. Her famliy of four moved there about a year and a half ago. At first she hated Southern New Jersey. Her parents and younger sister Amy adapted perfectly- not Cam. But then she met Liz and they were best friends instantly.10

"Hey, by the way, thanks for letting me stay over tonight, Cam. My little brother is having a snotty friend over and I didn't wanna be stuck in the middle of their stupidness." Both girls laughed sitting there in their silk pajama's.11

Cam was Cameron's nickname that Liz, her best friend in the whole world, called her. Her full name was Cameron Elizabeth White. Cameron was a gorgeous 15 year old who had long auburn hair, a spunky personality, and was very trim.12

"Hey, Liz, I gotta go downstairs and feed the zoo. 13

"Why don't you just say 'i gotta go downstairs and feed my pets'?"14

"Because when you say something since you were in third grade, something inside of you just makes you keep saying that."15

"Yeah your right.Hey do have any snacks?"16

"Um, yeah. Come downstairs. I'll show you what we have."17

The girls tiptoed down the squeaky stairs and made it to the kitchen.18

As Cameron pulled the Dog and Cat food out of the cupboard below the sink and Liz checked the fridge for anything thats not tofu(Cam's mom was a vegitarian)the doorbell rang.19

"Hey Liz can you get that?"20

"Sure."21

As Liz open the door she saw Cameron's boyfriend. He slowly raised his pointer finger up to his lips signaling Liz not to mention he was there. He slowly came up behind Cameron as she was scooping the Tuna in the cat's bowl, covered her eyes and kissed her on the cheek. At that moment Cameron knew who it was. The most wonderful boy she had ever known, Tom. Tom had a way of being romantic, sweet, and funny all at the same time. They had met in 6Th grade. They started out as best friends but then they realized that they "liked each other". 22

"Well I wonder who that could be?" Cam said with a huge grin on her face.23

"Well hello Cameron! I didn't see you there!" Tom said as he turned her around and kissed her instantly on the lips.24

Cameron wanted to say something but whenever she was around him she was at a loss of words.25

He had a handsome face with a cute button nose and gorgeous dirty blonde hair. But the one thing that really stunned her- his eyes. They were the clearest and lightest blue eyes she had ever seen. She was positive no one else in the world had eyes like him.26

Author notes

Please tell me what you think!!! This story is based on a true story with some tweeks here and there. Can't wait to get started on Chapter 3!

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • catlady55
    September 8
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    i really think this is a really good start to a story kudos!!!!


  • Rosemary silver member
    August 30

    Edit | Reply

    Nice story

    I thought you moved the plot along nicely using dialog. The descriptions in the story were vivid and realistic. I thought you ended the story with a good line to keep the reader coming back for more.


  • Radiance
    August 30
    Edit | Reply
    Just like last time, always DOUBLE SPACE your dialogue; every time a different character talks. (It helps those who, like me, have short attention spans. )

    Too... short... must... have... more! It is a chapter, yes?? Need more! There wasn't very much to Chapter 2--it was mostly dialogue, and not a lot actually happened. Draw it out a little; add more detail; keep the reader going "OMG, WHAT HAPPENS NEXT??"

    Watch your typos!

    While Cameron is thinking, her thoughts suddenly switch from third person to first person. Keep it one way or the other; it confused ME at first! (Not that that's saying much... ) But seriously--it's a no-no to do that. Keeping it all in third person would be preferred.

    The ending line was fantabulous. Very suspenseful, very attention-grabbing. That's how the rest of the chapter should kinda be like. TORTURE the reader with the end of every chapter!!

    Sorry it took a while to finally read this.


  • Darkess gold member
    August 29
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    lol you gotta check your typos again chicky!
    I still loved it tho. Nice foreshadowing and good job describing Joshica!


  • Darkess gold member
    August 27

    Edit | Reply
    Yay! This version actually is better than your last one... but don't doubt yourself and stop asking me for my personal opinions while your writing! Thats what comments are for ;p
    It was fabulous.
    Keep writing!~.~


  • Darkess gold member
    August 27
    Edit | Reply
    It was better than I thought It would be! I'm totally kidding. It was fine but you should expand on the characters a little more. You had a couple more typos than I would think too!

    Update soon and keep improving your talent of writing!

    ~.~

1 - 7 of 7