She walks in beauty. That's all I can really say about her.1
The first time I saw her I thought I was dreaming. This lovely creature just materializes out of nowhere. Wearing nothing but moonlight beams.2
I know I was staring. I mean really who wouldn't. I mean this girl is gorgeous. Not pretty but knockout gorgeous. And behold she wasn't wearing anything. Naked as a jaybird. I felt my jaw just fall to my knees. Man this had to be some dream I was having. Quick someone pinch me. On the other hand don't. I like this dream.3
She walks right up to me. Places a soft warm hand on my arm and beams those beautiful blue eyes at me and smiles. A smile that is only challenged by the light of the sun.4
I try to speak... really I do. But nothing comes out. I am struck dumb by her beauty. I want to touch her. To feel her. That's the only way I'll know for sure that she's real. Not some fluke of a drug induced dream. I mean the boys and I have been drinking quite heavily. Still I was afraid of what I might find if I did touch her.5
Still the decision didn't happen to be solely my own. No this gorgeous moon goddess takes me in her arms. Strokes my hair and lays upon me a kiss that only a man built of stone would not reach to.6
Finally when she lets me up for a breath I gasp into her perfectly formed ear "darling keep this up and you'll find out just how friendly I can be."7
She smiles at me ever so sweetly then steps back motioning me to follow her.8
I start to follow however, she seems to get further and further away. I pick up the pace. Panic in my heart. I can't lose her now.9
"BAMMMM"10
I sit up in my bed.11
Standing before my bed is Martha the cat. She had knocked over a water glass that I had placed on my bedside table the night before.12
I rub my eyes to get the gunk out of them. Frown at my cat. Then get up out of bed. Shhhh a dream. That's all it was.13
Suddenly there's a knock on my door. I frown again not really ready to receive company right now. However, I go to the door and open it anyway.14
To my surprise as I open the door I see standing before me my moon goddess. She grabs me and in a sultry voice whispers in my ear
you need to awaken now.
A contest entry
- Under the Moonlight Contest by GrimDeath.
350 points, ended September 5, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Ouch!
The first person "I" pronoun appears 20 times in just these few lines! Three times running in the third sentence! Right now I'm running a contest for poetry with no pronouns--it's called "Words I'm Sick of Seeing", so I guess I'm on a crusade to get more people aware of their "I" abuse! -
Wonderful write, trekkergirl. It speaks heaps about a mysterious entity born of light. Your description was spot on and you put a lot of feeling in there. Made me wonder just where she had come from. Good luck, friend, and carry on with reckless abandon.
beginning: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Well, it captured my interest. I'm curious as to her background. If you are going to leave it like it is, or throw some twist in there and make it fantical. Like....Nyx the goddess of the moon, or something like that. Good start so far though.
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Very good start. let me know when its finshed I would like to finsh reading it. Good Luck and Thank you for entering.
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