Leaving the Light Episode 7: Chapter 54

Chapter 54 1

I could still feel him: on my lips, the roughness of his stubble, his teeth pressed up against my skin, my hairs standing on edge. I loved everything about the memory of the thing that happened more than a month ago. Bram had bitten me and I loved it. He had bitten me several times since. I thought perhaps as time went on it would become less intense. If anything, it had grown more so. 2

Everybody had what they wanted. I was a willing servant, but was not being forced to do anything I didn't want to do. Bram was the only one I'd slept with or been bitten by in a week. Keir remained close but on a friendly basis. Kama praised me for my conduct with the Queen. The Queen amazingly sent me a thank you note for my gift. Finally, the slaves, while quietly complaining about their treatment, were content. I was rather happy with myself. I found my happiness wasn't conducive to work.3

I couldn't stop thinking about Bram or his hands all over me. The sensations were annoying. I couldn't function. I wondered if the Doc would give me medicine to quiet the "voices." I didn't feel like being lectured so I didn't go see him. 4

I tried writing, but Keir still kept me from that. I tried researching the hunters only to have the memories of last night with Bram creep up. I pushed the thoughts out then did a new websearch. Heremon still hadn't returned and now I was becoming curious what was keeping him. I couldn't find any hunter activity there, after all that was just something I made up. According to the Mistress he had relatives down there so I started learning about genealogy. Still, I couldn't get Bram out of my head. So I figured physical activity would at least keep my mind occupied rather than sitting idle.5

The gym was empty except for me. I needed to get out some of this pent up energy. I worked almost every machine in the gym and still I felt frustrated. While the exercise made me tired it did nothing to reduce the hormones that kept my mind floating back to Bram.6

I was on my twentieth pull-up now when I felt a hand on my back. I smiled at first thinking it was Bram until I realized I couldn't touch his mind. He couldn't have hidden that well from me. Then quickly I realized I couldn't move. I froze there with my chin just above the bar. 7

A chilling voice entered my mind. "Excellent. You have transformed yourself nicely." I knew that voice and it was worse than I could have imagined. No, it wasn't Keir. It was the King. Neglected all this time by him and only now after all that's happened, only now that I know of the prophecy and accepted my place here does he pay attention to me. I did not ask for this attention, nor did I want it.8

He brushed the scars on my back through my tank top feeling the multiple bumps. "These are healing well." His touch made me feel as if millions of little insect legs danced over my skin. His hands explored every muscle on my back and he followed the line around my ribcage to my sternum. He was not too subtle in feeling my breasts or thighs, but he didn't really seem interested in me sexually. He scrutinized the scar on my wrist from my suicide attempt so long ago. He poked and prodded my muscles I guess to make sure they were lean and tight. Next he pinched my skin above my hip to check my fat ratio. I didn't think my current position was ideal for that.9

Next he began a barrage on my mind. I felt him instantly force his way in breaking through all of my natural defenses. I didn't even have time to fight him. Memories long forgotten came to mind. They weren't so much those from my life before. They were more like small unimportant events around here: conversations with slaves, long hours at the computer or looming over a circuit board, nights with various vampires and my feelings about them. He felt my anger towards him, my love for Bram and a dozen other emotions. I had the distinct impression he deliberately tried to provoke a response from me. I kept my emotions in check. When he had seen everything he retreated just as fast as he entered and I was left wheeling. 10

Before I recovered, he released my muscles from their frozen position and I fell to the ground in a lump. Trying to collect myself I pushed myself up to my knees and that was as far as he'd let me go. He grasped my jaw with one hand squeezing until my mouth opened. He looked inside obviously checking my teeth. I felt like a dog under inspection at a pedigree show. "Excellent form and they are even still sharp. You are strong, loyal, and mentally prepared. Perfect for our needs."11

I wondered what those needs might be. Would I become a vampire but still be a slave? Was that my destiny? If so, why become a vampire at all?12

"May I ask a question, your Majesty?"13

He didn't even give me a chance to ask. He knew what was on my mind. "It is in your blood to be a vampire. You can either accept it or live in misery for eternity." 14

I knew better than to ask anymore of him.15

"You will report to Dr. Wendel. He will properly remove your scar tissue and heal your wounds thus making you more presentable." He fingered one of the many scars on my back. "Except these." My heart fell. Was I to have them forever? They were not the kind of scars that would make me proud. "I wish for you to have a reminder of what you once were and how far you've come. Be mindful that you do not earn any others in the future."16

"Yes, your Majesty."17

He left me without ceremony. I dropped my head to the ground and huddled there sobbing. I didn't want this. I didn't want to still be under his control at least. It was going to happen soon. I know it. Then I'd have no way out. I cried knowing this is the end.18

***19

I sat on the infirmary bed waiting for my turn. Dr. Wendel had seen me come in but was busy with bite victims. When he finally sidled up to me he took one look at my red eyes, swollen from crying. "You look like shit."20

"You would too if you went through what I just did."21

"And what's that?"22

"The King-" I choked on the words and forced myself to keep from crying. "Wants you to-" Damn the tears were welling up in my eyes. I wiped them away before finishing. "He wants you to remove my scars, all except those from the whipping."23

He turned to a cart of equipment he had nearby. "I'm going to increase your medicine. You're sounding a bit delusional again."24

"I'm serious, Doc. I didn't imagine this. You can ask him yourself if you like."25

Dr. Wendel stared me in the eye. "You are serious." He put down the injector and put a hand on my shoulder. The look that washed over his face told me he knew what this meant. "Are you okay?"26

"Do I look okay?"27

"And you're still going through with it?"28

"Look Doc, would I be here if I had a choice?"29

"You're right. I'm sorry." He looked around. "Why don't you go into the back room? This is going to require some anesthetic and you'll probably be groggy for a few hours afterwards."30

I agreed and followed him there. On the way I thought of something else. "Doc, what about that? The 'delusional' thing. Will I still need medicine when…" 31

"When you're one of them?" He finished what I wouldn't, then shrugged. "Here's the thing. I don't know. As I've mentioned before, the drugs are only to help you relax and maintain stability. Your problem is mental, not physical.32

"What I do know, in laymen's terms: is the vampire 'virus,' for lack of a better term, takes control of more than just the blood." Dr. Wendel explained. "It effects the brain, various organs, numerous glands, and the immune system. Based upon experiments I've seen, the virus takes control of the human's immune system, specifically the white blood cells, and transforms it for its own purposes. Any new invasion, by virus, bacteria, or even blade, is fought off with incredible speed and the damaged cells replaced. It does not seem to do the same with existing damaged cells. Your scars for example, the ones we don't remove, will not be effected. The blood seems to take a snapshot of your current condition and keeps it at that physical level until your death." 33

"But-" It had to be there since he didn't really answer my question.34

"But…" Doc sighed. "The brain is a complex mechanism, while the blood effects it, there is evidence that it doesn't effect personality or emotions. Quite frankly, we've done some testing that has been inconclusive. It may help you and at the same time it may cause other problems."35

"Such as?"36

"That's just it; there is no way to be sure."37

"At least not until it happens."38

He nodded, then said. "Even then, it's not that simple to diagnose a vampire."39

"So I might be taking this medication for centuries?"40

He looked at his feet, for the first time since I've known him, he wasn't sure of himself and this last question put him over the edge. "I'm afraid not. As I said, the vampire immune system attacks every new invader, including medicine. We've come up with a few fast acting remedies for certain conditions that have beaten the immune system, but few have been permanent solutions."41

"What about the immune system inhibitor Terrance was using?" Somehow I was feeling desperate. I didn't want to be unstable for the rest of my life.42

"Again, it's not a permanent solution." He looked out towards the infirmary and beyond. "If you ask me, you'd be better off if your suicide attempts were successful." He took several things down out of cabinets. "Now if you'll just wait a few minutes we'll be back to get started." He left and I glanced over at the bottle of pills he placed on the counter with the rest of the tools. I rolled my eyes at his blatant attempt to give me a way out. I ignored it and stared at the wall while I waited. I hate waiting.43

It was more than a half an hour before someone entered the room. Dr. Hilltop greeted me before I could say a word. "Dr. Wendel asked me to take over for him."44

"I can't blame him. He's not exactly happy with the situation."45

"Hmmm." He said as a typical doctor would.46

"You don't share his feelings?" I watched him prepare an injector. He noticed the pill bottle examined it then me. "He didn't order you to overdose me did he?"47

"You know him better than that."48

He injected me with what I figured was anesthetic. "I'm sorry."49

His words confused me. Did he just inject me with the wrong stuff? "F-For what?"50

"I knew about Kama and Lowell. I almost told you that night you came asking if I saw anything." 51

I looked at him and he started to become fuzzy. "It's okay." I managed.52

"I was afraid. Now that you will be one of them soon, I thought I'd make my peace with you too."53

I couldn't answer, my tongue was heavy and my eyelids felt as if hammers pounded them.54

I was in the infirmary for hours. The procedure left me with tight raw skin. I was wrapped in a gauze as Dr. Hilltop told me the pigment enhansers could not have light for six hours. Doc Wendel only came to check on me once. Later Dr. Hilltop came by to unwrap me, gave me a clean bill of health and sent me on my way.55

It was weird even the scaring I had from childhood had disappeared. I stood in front of a mirror looking for a couple that I'd never see again. My skin was smooth and all one color, not exactly tanned but not pale either. I sighed. I liked what I saw, but could I look myself in the eye later after all was said and done?56

***57

Later I returned to the computer room. As I had no other chores to do I figured I'd finish my research on Heremon's genealogy. I was deep into it when I felt Bram's hands caressing me and the taste of his salty skin on my tongue. I closed my eyes trying to force the imagery out of my mind. These sensations were a bit more intense than normal, and then I realized they weren't coming from me. "Hi lover boy." I said as the door opened.58

"You're getting better at this." Bram closed the door behind him.59

"What do you expect when your projecting so intensely?"60

"What's so interesting on the computer?" Now he did caress me as his hands ran over my shoulders. I flinched a little as most of my skin was still a little raw. "You're tense." 61

"I'm working."62

He kissed my neck. "You've never let work stress you out before."63

"What part of 'I'm working' don't you understand?"64

"What can I do to pull you away from your work?" He nibbled my neck and started squeezing my shoulders firmly and forcefully.65

"Ow!" I shrugged his hands off.66

He backed off now and apologized. "I figured it would get your attention. It works for Kama."67

"First off, you're not her, second you're not doing it right." I didn't like that I was being grouchy. I just couldn't help it.68

He leaned down and whispered in my ear. "I can do this right." His lips slid down my ear lobe down the side of my neck. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Slowly his lips parted and moister from his mouth enveloped my neck. I let out a low groan as his warm, sharp teeth marked my shiny, new skin.69

His hands moved across my breasts and I reached up to rub his hair. My attention was now solely on him. His warmth took me to a place thousands of miles away with a comfy fire, a fur rug and green hills. I started breathing heavy. His deadly kiss made me light headed and turned my fire up. His muscles held me firm though I felt limp in them. I would melt into him if I could.70

I turned cold. I opened my eyes at least I tried. "Toni?" I shivered slightly. "God, come on Toni, stay with me."71

It was as if he was speaking through a tube. I couldn't answer; my mouth was too dry. Bram pulled my eye lids open and looked into them. "Shit! I took too much. I couldn't stop."72

I tried to tell him I felt fine but he wouldn't listen. At least I was still alive. He picked me up. I expected him to rush me to the infirmary, instead he laid me on the pile of blankets and pillows I had put in the corner of the room. He elevated my legs, loosened a couple of the buttons on my blouse and put a blanket on me. "Rest a little." He told me and really I didn't have much choice but to do as I was told.73

There were no dreams; just darkness. It horrified me.74

When I woke I found myself safe in his embrace. "Hey." He whispered.75

"Hey." I hoarsely got out.76

"I brought you some juice." He helped me sit a little so I could drink. Then I cuddled up to him. I clenched his shirt because I didn't want him to pull away from me. He had no intention of leaving me. "Are you going to be okay?"77

I nodded.78

"I never should have bitten you."79

"You can't kill me Bram. You never could and you never will. It's just not in you."80

"I'm not so sure." He felt guilty and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why.81

He lay with me for a while. I was still weak. Besides I've had a long day. Finally I admitted why I had been so cranky earlier. "The King came by this morning." 82

"I know."83

"Do you know what he said?"84

"I know the gist. Besides, I can see it." He fingered my arm that was covered in burns last night.85

I looked him deep in his eyes. "It's going to happen soon, isn't it?"86

"I don't know."87

"I wish it would. I hate waiting. The anticipation kills me. I just need to get this over with!"88

"It's not that bad."89

"What, being a vampire? I suppose not, but the anticipation of it is. Now that's a thousand times more painful than Keir's whipping." A shiver ran down my spine at the memory. Bram kept my hand away from my remaining scars. "I can't take much more of this. Every night I anticipate one of you coming up to me and taking me to a secluded place to make me one of you. Then nothing happens. Just when I think it will, it doesn't. Will it be tonight? No. Again the next night I ask the same question. Again and again. Perhaps it will be tomorrow but I will not know until I lay my head down to sleep. Even then I could wake up with a pain in my neck and blood in my mouth. I hate waiting, not knowing what is to come."90

"You'll know when it's time."91

"That's what Mistress Kama said. What? I'll see it on the schedule or something? Right there in-between cleaning the oven and fixing Urquhart's laser propulsion system?"92

"No." He brushed hair out of my eyes. "It will be clear to you, when and who before it happens, that's all I can say." Still so secretive after all I've been through and how close I was to being a vampire! It was very frustrating. 93

"I don't know." 94

He said calmly, "You'll feel it. It will be similar to how you feel me entering the room."95

"Great a ten second warning."96

"It'll be much more than that."97

"Thirty seconds then." I frowned. I was half playing with him, but I certainly didn't feel any better.98

He hugged me knowing it was what I needed most. He spoke soothingly, "It will be all right."99

"You keep saying that, but it never is."100

The tears started again. How could I go from being the happiest I have ever been with him to a crying, slobbering mess? He held me and made comforting noises until I stopped.101

He picked at the blanket we lay on. "You're hiding aren't you?"102

I shook my head, just a little. I didn't really want to admit it. I knew he wasn't being judgmental, but I hated answering questions like that.103

"They're your friends. They'll understand."104

"No, they won't. I've let them down after years of fighting and telling them to do the same. I quit. I gave in. I sold out. They'll have no respect for me."105

"They'll find out sooner or later."106

"I'd rather they find out later, thank you."107

"Do you think they'll have more respect for you not telling them ahead of time?"108

"Stop it." I turned away from him. He's supposed to make this easier not harder. 109

"Let's make a deal. You return to life as normal, and not be so paranoid, and I will be there with you when it's time."110

I agreed. I didn't really want to. It didn't seem like much of a deal to me. Like everything else, I didn't see that I had much of a choice.111

***112

Time passes so slowly when you're waiting for something to happen. I did my duties, I fed a few vampires including one downstairs, and even went on a couple uneventful trips outside. If anyone noticed my change in appearance they didn't say anything. Lacey did notice my solemn attitude and tried to lift my spirits on occasion. Of course she wasn't much help as her own spirits needed lifting. After my entreaty for her to go see her father she came back balling to me. "He won't let me!"113

"Who won't let you what?" At this point I really didn't have a clue what she was talking about. She didn't answer, just dug her face into her pillow. "Lacey, don't make me read your mind."114

She raised her head to glare at me. I paused for a moment because this was the second time I ever saw her hurt. The first being my fault when she and the rest of the slaves got a lash for me. I had a feeling I might be responsible for her black eye now too. "I want my daddy." She cried.115

"Oh, I'm sorry Lacey."116

"For what?" She sniffled.117

"Well, for that." I gestured to her eye.118

"Huh?" She looked at me like I was insane.119

"Didn't you get that for asking to see your father, as I suggested?"120

"Noooo." She acted like she wasn't going to tell me, then whispered as if ashamed, "I wasn't paying attention. I tripped over some weights and fell into the stair steppers."121

"Then who wouldn't let you do what?" Man am I paranoid. I mean I couldn't believe she made up such a cockamamy story to hide that a vampire hit her.122

"Dr. Wendel. He said he had too many patients to worry about this. So now I have to walk around with a black eye."123

"Is that really such a bad thing?" Sorry, I couldn't sympathize; until recently I've walked around with much worse. I don't think she even noticed though. "So what about your dad?"124

"Oh. I went with Jerib to the town for a short visit."125

"That's good."126

"Well, not really. Dad wasn't happy to see a vampire with me. Apparently a vampire killed my cousin David soon after the hunter attack."127

"Oh, I'm sorry."128

"What for now?" 129

"It was Bram." I admitted.130

"I thought you said he gave up killing."131

"Sounds simple doesn't it?" When she puts it like that, you'd think it'd be as easy as giving up cigarettes. "The King ordered it."132

"Oh, I guess he didn't really have a choice. I wish we didn't need the town. Dad's so stressed right now."133

"I can't blame him."134

"Dad didn't call the hunters you know."135

"I know."136

"He couldn't help it. They just invaded the town." She emphasized.137

"Okay."138

"He even asked them to leave. He tried to tell them there was no one here."139

"It didn't help."140

"No. Can't you understand he didn't want them there?"141

I got the distinct impression she wasn't really talking to me. "It's okay Lacey."142

"Then why'd they kill David?"143

"Why do you feel so persecuted? It was nothing personal." Bram had told me before the three people he killed that night were random.144

"You can explain it to them. They'll listen to you, especially when you're one of them."145

Ah, that was it. Of course, in her mind, I already was. "Yeah, I'll try." I said depressingly.146

"Oh." She suddenly seemed to realize my mood. "Listen, I'm going to go put some music on the jukebox. Maybe it'll cheer us up. You want to come with me?"147

I did if only to get my mind off my future. It didn't help.148

Every time a vampire entered the room I watched them wondering if this was it. If they looked at me, my heart would stop. Some I prayed for them to be the one while others I attempted to hide from. Yet I lived on Bram's word, I knew they weren't coming for me because he was not here. When I was with him he sufficiently kept my mind off the subject.149

I listened more intently to the gossip circle now. There were whispers of a vampire moving to a new room and another who would be needing help to do some task for the King. There were also rumors of a slave who would not be needing their cot any longer. Everything was always general and never substantiated. I couldn't help making my own conclusions.150

I wondered if the slaves did know more than they were letting on. I received strange glances from around the court. It seemed some avoided me altogether. Of course I avoided being around everybody whenever I could. I wasn't exactly holding up my end of the bargain. I still hid in my computer room. Alas, people knew they could find me there, just like when I used to brood in the closet. So I found myself a new hiding place, a place not many were allowed to go. I never asked permission, but as no one stopped me, I figured it was okay.151

Up on the rooftop of the building I could see people as dots moving about the town living their lives as if they weren't ruled by vampires. I didn't look south towards the town now. There was nothing there for me. I watched the edges of the horizon turn colors in the west with the warm sun on my face. At least there was still some light in this world. A cool breeze came off the mountains and sent a shiver down my back. I rubbed my arms and then stared down at them. All healed now, no cut nor burns. I wasn't bony but I wasn't strong.152

They can't make me a vampire. I mean what kind of vampire would I be? I'm broken, down trodden afraid to speak up for myself, weak, and above all unwilling to hurt or kill anyone. They couldn't possibly still want me as one of them.153

I'm not one of them; the Queen's dinner proved that. I'm a slave and will always be. Even if I was a vampire wouldn't they still treat me as such. Oh sure, they wouldn't drink from me or force me into their bed, but wouldn't they still have me catering to their every need? Have me work my ass off like Wen and Urquhart in the lab?154

Maybe that would be for the best, it would keep me humble, keep me from being pompous, aristocrat who expects the slaves, my friends, to cater to my every need.155

It's a beautiful sunset with all the colors, but it fades so fast, like life. I could never sit with Bram and watch one of these, or stay up to watch the sunrise, or do any of my favored activities in the light. There will never again be children playing in the parks laughing. No more family dinners during the holidays. Nor hours on the phone with good friends. No more cuddly puppies. No, none of those things I loved. Nor would there be any of the bad things. No stories of airplane crashes. No worries about war. No gang fights. No, the worst I have now is a hard bite; even the rapeings and beatings stopped long ago.156

No, there were worse things. Never, never would I let them control me. I'm my own person, and if the King doesn't like that, well it was too damn bad. I'm not going to give up my humanity for them. They can make me a vampire but they can't make me unhuman.157

The only thing is I didn't know if I could pull it off. How changed would I be by the blood?158

"I'm scared Al."159

He made no sound when he walked up the stairs, but I knew he was coming. Bram had taught me much about being aware of my surroundings. I didn't need good hearing to sense him.160

"There's many reasons you should be, but what in particular scares you now? Death? I don't think so. You have never been afraid of death. Why would you be now?"161

"No, not death. Torture, pain, submission, maybe, but not death."162

"You're afraid they'll hurt you more?"163

I laughed, I didn't find it amusing, but ironic and I explained why. "They will every chance they get, for the next millennium or so."164

"I doubt that."165

I didn't, but I wasn't going to go into it, for there was much more that I feared. "The future is what I think I'm afraid of."166

"Oh?" He asked curiously as he stood beside me watching the sunset with interest.167

"It looks very dark and gloomy, like the sky behind me." 168

"Yes that is behind you, and look at the glorious thing you have to look forward to." I hate it when he waxes philosophy. "You're not looking at the darkness behind you for a reason, why should you focus on it in your future?"169

"I don't want to be one of them Al, they are nothing but darkness."170

"Even Bram?"171

"Yes, even Bram."172

"'If I must die, I will encounter darkness as a bride, And hug it in mine arms.'"173

I understood the quotation in its context to our conversation, but I couldn't quite place which Shakespearean play it was. "Which one is that from?"174

"Measure for Measure." I hadn't read it yet so he went on to explain, "Claudio being accused of begetting an illegitimate child would rather die than live without honor. Sounds familiar doesn't it? Though if you die now, you will be embracing that darkness for eternity, yet in a different way. Ironic no?"175

"No." I replied solemnly. I was not going to embrace the darkness of the vampires. If I were to die, it would become a permanent state. So I replied to him, falling back on a more popular quote; "'Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more.'"176

"It's always darkest before the dawn." 177

"Hey, that's not Shakespeare."178

"Who says he had a line for every life event?"179

I countered with another cliché, "Into each life some rain must fall." 180

"It washes away the scum in the air."181

"Shouldn't that be something like 'after the rain comes the rainbow?'"182

"Nah, I'm done with quotations."183

"Okay, but when is the storm around me going to end?"184

"Honestly, I don't know if it ever will. I'd say when you die and go to heaven but…"185

Not like that was going to happen. We stood silently for a while watching the clouds turn from orange to deep red. "Are you religious Al?"186

He silently stared up at the clouds, then took a deep breath. "I try to be. Sometimes… It's hard. I want to believe."187

"The vampires make it hard huh?"188

He smiled now. "It gives Keir another reason to hate me. I believe in heaven. If I didn't-" he shrugged, "life after death is a scary prospect."189

"What about Hell?"190

"It's probably better than this." I couldn't agree more. "I'll probably get in trouble for this. There's a rumor-" He stopped. I thought maybe a vampire had stopped him. Instead when I looked at him a tear started rolling down his wrinkled cheek. "Is it true?"191

"Al, I-" I was going to say I didn't know what he was talking about but he cut me off.192

"I know you can read my mind damnit. Is it true?"193

I nodded gravely.194

He gripped the rusted railing that went around the edge of the building. I thought he was having a heart attack right there. Then he sank to his knees with his palms together pointed upwards. I watched on, giving him a moment to make his silent prayer. It's one of those awkward things, as I've never formally prayed myself, I didn't know if I should kneel with him. Somehow though, I didn't really believe his prayers would be answered.195

When he finished, I helped him to his feet. "Do you know any details?" He asked slowly.196

It was my turn to shrug. "Bram believes it will be him, but doesn't know when."197

"You'll let me know. Won't you, Kiddo?"198

"Of course Al." How couldn't I, after all, I was in the same situation and knew how it felt to not know.199

"At least it's someone I like." Al smirked. "It'd be my luck that Keir would kill me, eh?"200

"Could be worse. Could be Heremon."201

"Yeah." He seemed to perk up a little. "So you and Keir huh?" I can't get anything past him.202

"We have a truce I suppose."203

"Hmph."204

"What?"205

"Just be careful, Kiddo. You never know what you're getting with him."206

I knew the kind of response I'd get but decided to ask anyway. "Are you ever going to tell me what it is between the two of you?" 207

"Nope."208

"You gonna tell me who it is you're in love with here?"209

He grinned wickedly. I knew he'd take that secret to his grave.210

After the sun had stolen all the color from the sky I turned to Al. "Come. To paraphrase Homer; it is time I put aside desire for food and drink. I will see young dawn with her rose red fingers rise no more." I turned for the door.211

Al fell into step beside me. "Ah, very appropriate. You and Odysseus have much in common." Al mused.212

"Yes both our lives are dictated by the desires of the immortals."213

"Actually I was thinking you both lead very tragic lives."214

"That too."215

***216

My talk with Al, while depressing, helped me put things in perspective and almost made me feel better about my fate. Almost. 217

Days went faster. I worked, and I served, and I spent what time I could with Bram. It all just kind of blurred together. I didn't even know what month it was. 218

Every day I felt it getting closer. I felt it as the walls pressing in on me. They inched towards me until it crushed my heart.219

Bram was right. I felt it. There was certainly a chill to the air and I knew the temperature never varied in this place. I knew what was coming. I knew who was coming. I knew there was nothing I could do about it. No one told me. I just knew.220

Strangely I felt no fear. While I didn't quite feel empty, I didn't feel much.221

I walked around the slave court most of the day in a daze. I knew I should pack up my things. I didn't feel in the mood. It was too much like accepting my fate. I thought about writing, then threw that idea out the window. My mind was too blank for that. Lacey and Kenneth both figured I was in another depressed mood and tried to cheer me up. I have no idea what they were doing but they cracked each other up. I couldn't concentrate enough to laugh with them so despite their protesting I left them.222

The food in the kitchen smelt unappetizing. I knew I needed to eat, I just couldn't bring myself to swallow more than a couple bites full. Nothing, no matter how well cooked or sweet and delicious it was to others, had any taste to me. 223

I walked past the closet, while the solitude was a little inviting. I couldn't bring myself to shut myself in there. The same went for the computer room. I never got that far anyway.224

"Hey, beautiful. Are you all right?" Bram walked up to me and I rushed into his arms. "Shhh…" He petted my hair. "Let's not think about it. Come on." He dragged me along to the recreation area of the slave court and we took up the unused pool table. He knew me well. This would certainly take my mind off what was to come.225

The balls on the pool table had just cracked and began rolling around the table. I heard the thump of a ball falling into a pocket. I'd never know if I sank a solid or a stripe. It didn't matter. I turned with a pool cue still in my hand to find Keir walking through the slave court straight for me. I looked to Bram and handed him my cue. Bram's eyes told me how sad he was. "Toni-"226

I kissed him, a luxurious, intimate kiss, as if it would be my last. "It will be all right." My mind said to his and I meant it.227

Keir's hand gripped my upper arm and yanked me from him. Bram roared slamming the cues down on the pool table scattering balls onto the floor. The room and slave court fell silent as people stopped to watch our drama unfold.228

I put a hand on Bram's chest and mentally diverted his anger with as much love as I could. I did this with images of us together, happiness at the time I spent with him the last few months, and the words I spoke aloud, "I must do as I'm told." 229

His rage subsided I kissed him softly again and allowed Keir to pull me away. "Now's when you choose to learn that?!" He called after me. I couldn't help but grin at his indignation.230

***231

Keir's room was cold and dark. I'm sure it wasn't any different from normal but it felt like it. All of those emotions that disappeared over time came rushing back and I fought to remain calm. I remembered every time he hit me, and forgot the more recent memories of how kind he's been. My heart started beating hard and I found it hard to breathe. Now the walls really did seem to be closing in and I felt as if they pinned me to my spot. My eyes darted around looking for an escape, but none could be found. I wanted to curl up into a little ball and cry. 232

Keir wrapped his arms around me. The hug wasn't like Bram's. It didn't make me feel safe. It did help me compose myself. I took a few deep breaths then nodded to him. If we were going to do this we might as well get it over with. 233

A tear did drip down my cheek though.234

He led me to the couch and we sat together not saying a word. He turned my head toward him and I looked at him as if I had seen him for the first time. He was rather handsome and when he smiled his features turned soft. He wasn't the monster I had taken him for.235

I rubbed his shiny scalp and pulled him closer for a kiss. It was a short one but it relaxed me.236

Remember that feeling of happiness I felt in Keir not too long ago? It is back. This time it's not quite the same. He is happy because he's triumphed over me, over Bram, over just about everybody.237

I felt his hunger. He must not have fed in a while preparing for this. I shakily took his hand for I wasn't sure what else to do. I spent the last few months anticipating this moment, trying to imagine what it would be like, and now that I'm here I hadn't the faintest clue what to do.238

Keir gently held me. It was as if he had become a nurturing father. I leaned into him trying to take some energy from him. Instead I think I gave him all of mine. I sank down so that my shoulder fell into his lap and my head bent and rested on his arm. He patted my head and moved my hair away from my face and neck.239

I felt him bend down, hovering over me smelling my fear and anticipation. I felt his rush of adrenaline tingling his skin. It went through him as one felt in anticipation of love making. I cringed waiting for the pinch of pain that was about to come. I clenched my teeth and held my breath.240

His hot breath washed over my skin. 241

A shiver ran through my body. 242

This was it. 243

His teeth pierced me.