Coming to a decision I gently lift her with my mind1
Telekinesis one the many mysteries of my kind2
I gently lay her on top of my mothers marble tomb3
A place sacred to me, where I was released from her womb4
Also a place of sadness, for with my birth, came death5
She gave me the gift of life with her soul and her last breath.6
Knowing I must act now, if I want to save her from gods grasp7
Breathing in deep I reach up and quickly undo my cloaks clasp8
Taking off my silk shirt revealing a blood ruby buried deep9
Within the flesh of my chest, slowly it begins to weep10
Drops of deep red blood slowly filling an ancient crystal chalice11
A family heirloom imbued with pureness devoid of malice12
Some say we are evil creatures assassins of the night13
Destroyers of life soul drainers killing everything within our sight14
Some of our kind are like that ruining it for others15
Causing the death of my sisters and brothers16
I am not like that I hunt only to survive17
Never taking more than I need and leaving them alive.18
Except for her she is the first I have fully drained19
Never has my lust been so intense so strained20
Now that the chalice is full, time for the emergence21
Binding my blood and her soul as one ending innocence22
Soon the last of my blood enters her mouth then it begins23
Some say the change is the most sensual and sweetest of things24
I think they must be insane, nothing is further from the truth25
I have seen the change before have seen the agony26
The fear and sorrow, some accept though not many27
Their lives forever changed chained to darkness28
Never to feel the heat of the suns beautiful embrace.29
I stand vigil over her as she arches in agonies throes30
Her screams rip into my heart leaving sad echoes31
Sometimes I wish I was just a human mortal32
Living for short time before passing through heavens portal33
Just to see the sun rise in all its glory and power34
Just to feel alive, to see the beauty of a sunlit flower35
But never will I see what mortals take for granted36
But my path is chosen to be a part of the kindred37
Never to feel the heat of day, only coolness of night38
within the sweet embrace of darkness and moonlight.39
Looking down at her sleeping peacefully40
Brushing the hair away from her face carefully41
I know the ritual is almost complete42
Only needing the final words before she is free43
I turn and spread my arms calling upon my ancestors44
Raising my voice I ask for the blessing of our creators45
The very first of our kindred and now vampyre lords46
Slowly each appear and kiss her forehead before raising their swords47
And chanting Blood of the earth, fire of the night48
Grant our daughter life, Grant her our birthright49
As the last words spoken a deep gong resonates50
Thunder and lightening rages as heaven closes its gates51
Then the skies open up releasing tears of sorrow52
Forever more she now is forbidden entry to gods plateau.53
With a deep intake of breath she awakens and smiles54
It is done she is one of us now a kindred and exile55
I nod to each lord and brother silently as they fade56
Soon it is only we who are left within the ritual glade57
I look into her deep sapphire blue eyes once green58
And deep love and reverence for such a creature as me59
Though I was reluctant at first to bring her into my circle60
I am glad I did in the end for it seems the feeling is mutual.61
To be continued.... eventually62
By Kindredblood63
Author notes
Well I wrote some more to this poem/story, and created an ending of sorts for now, but there is going to be more to this poem, as I cant leave at this. lol I have spent too much time writing it...and I really feel the poem/story needs more to it.
So I am going to carry writing it till, I feel it is completed.
Tell me the good the bad and how it made you feel, sorry for the overall length.
P.S You will see a paragraph where there is no ryhme sorry about that, will edit it later on...guess I got carried away, only noticed it after posting. 
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
You've still kept a wonderfly flowing story there my friend. I could feel the power behind your words. I can't wait to see how you continue this.
~crinny~
-
Wow, I honestly don't have anything bad to say about this. I didn't notice that there was no rhyming in one paragraph either, as Lady Treason said. I don't think it needs rhyme to be good, though it does add to it. I love how you created an ancient immortal species and shared with the reader part of their culture and customs in the ritual. You also give some details of their appearance. I could feel the emotions of the characters sometimes. I can't wait until you finish this, and I actually hope you don't finish it in the next part, I want it to keep going! Anyway, this is amazing, I'm going to keep checking back
Becky
-
Morrrrrrrrrrreeeee *pouts* I hateeee waiting, impatience is me, you see. A beautiful continuation here though, more excellent imagry and it is written perfectly, I didnt even notice that there was no rhyming in one paragraph *grumbles and goes back to look for it*
Anyways, hope you get the next bit up really really soon, I truly love this story. *hugs*
Take Care
- Becca -
Oh! just as good as the last one!
Love yaz, love allz
XxX i applaud thee with my heart XxX -
hey, I love the vampyre theme to it, and though it is long it doesnt feel like it. you have really got me addicted to this story/poem I can't wait to see how it ends. Christie x
-
I love this great write, the word usage is perfect!
~Jess -
Awesome
this is absolutly awesome. and you said everything you write is dark. well this Raz is one of your finest and you have many. this story/poem drew me in. i loved it. im so looking forward to (continued). well the way it made me feel. yeah wow. not so easy to say. but this was the greatest. keep it up friend.
Good Write
Danielle -
You've done a superb job with this continuation, Raz! And don't apologize for the length! (Actually, I didn't find this long, at all! I know there are some that will, but they are usually people who have the attention span of a gnat!) Any really good story takes a little "telling," and you shouldn't have to sacrifice the story, for the length! As to the way this made me feel.....that's a little difficult to explain. I felt as though I was standing there, and yet out of sight; hidden. Watching covertly a safe distance away. You painted such a vivid picture, that it was kind of like watching a scene from a movie. I saw the characters, and the colors, and heard the noises. Another thing that impressed me about this piece; you've made the vampyre here an "antihero," which is cool! You've made it clear to the reader that he's not "evil." He doesn't kill for his own twisted pleasure; he does it out of necessity. (I'm not usually one that is much into "vampyres," but this character has caught my interest; maybe because he isn't completely evil!) You have a great gift for making your reader care about the characters. (That's quite a feat!) A great job you did here! We'll be looking forward to the next one!
Paula
Edited on Mar 08, 8:35 p.m. because 'typo'. -
This is awesome. Just like the first, it is very well written. I was absorbed into the poem. The language and imagery are used so well. Good write!
-
Wow.....
Despair
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
