cut-up

Beyond doubt.1

I middle class just kept walking. abhorrent to me. I had a tendency to, when I did drink, bottle of wine. I’d drank my wine, then I had one after ten . . . or half past ten. I left. I buy few blocks over, so that I could get me some rum and so right? she had these kids that she favored over and a half my lectures. I knew nobody the morning. amount of cash from my room and set out only if it was walking in my neighborhood – a which we played rugby or lay between some playing fields and the closed?”2

“yeah, you think? hm. well, whatever. the “you bitch. she but I was on it. the coach was a real never bought my everything else was pushed back by the alcohol then walk their stomachs then I’d get no points at all. I loved yeah, that kind of neighborhood. and I there. I spoke more but she didn’t give in to these demands. so, was interest me on a mundane level - maybe that’s why I’d to no one – or almost no one. I spoke sister threw a the shape of ghosts or something. during the evening. a me off. I asked my mother for small little things in behind the counter. she said she couldn’t booth. or at girl who was waiting behind me gave me a mumbles. it home to my middle-class residence and get when small I was on the team. it was a pissed on it. the only kind of neighborhood for full of players either. still, rest of us were all indifferent, or shit loner. what do but I knew that I didn’t need friends a attended around when I was a kid I played this game that I created. almost always been true for me. I’m a loner, an I never illuminated dull orange by the street lamps. orange – a can with other people. this has a window me a few cans some.3

it was dark outside and the streets were who complain about interest rates. full of people my age a stupid one too. I didn’t reply, station was just down the road. I vulgar expression and palm and shake them around like dice. then I’d throw to guinness. I would have had two their think that the anyway. 4

one evening, I was drinking at home. I it (most of my cash went towards tobacco or books). so said something to me. I can’t remember that proved this mixed with other kids my age. right? point is – I’m door. I didn’t open. there was a kid at than eighteen. my grey carpet. if they landed straight up on you own enrolled at a college, but I my parents would give made some friends, but I didn’t know how to often if not rugby, or too short for it, or shy like me. 5

so, rum narrow street. the cars would pass through there high I was vulnerable. the world outside was clothes. the the rest of us. they were arrogant and wore surfing was possibility that I might get the shits the following was tired of life. I felt more like eighty sell it never been in love. sex only approached the introvert – speed. especially in the evening. but I made it out at asked for it. I never tackled the other team’s they had assholes who drive four wheel drives and what. it was if you just pay here -“6

I walked neighborhood. the nice and deep, unconsciously deep. 7

I had to go down neighborhood watch neighborhood. road. I passed my mum orange all with white eyes which had little black dots walking in it, making my way to the service station in the middle. what I used to do was hold them in my then I’d award myself maximum points, if they lay on was half in my face after an very bad team, along the road. spend hours revising for their exams and go to good it’s undesirable I think – to be an introvert or a the on the way, walking our them onto half pints of main road that ran from town to the I took a small of guinness or a dirty look. not a dirty keeping up backs a little less points, and if they landed on some absolutely necessary. I would have liked much. I’d right? and I played it with these little figurines; could see its signs glowing in the night sky.8

never been in love. I color. I was own booze because I could never afford to drink too council orders patrol cars to keep watch on stupid they always better off alone. I pints, but my communicate. I openly admit it. I openly admit it? that 18 and I that game. I was really good at it.9

when I was a kid probably “alight?” “alight?” – that’s a I almost never football I used to just run, only argument. that pissed thing that was bothering me was ok, and I was on the going to try a service station down a sea. the service anyway, my point is, is that you can have a lot more fun were all different colors – red, green, purple, than you least she looked like a kid. 10

I walked universities. makes it sound like I’m ashamed of it, but I’m not. the it. there was a fat girl at the till. I asked for the off. there was another place down the road. I reached look . . . but. I don’t know. went through a phrase with the rest. I’d never get the ball ‘cause to have the ball is to have the atom bomb . . .