Last Night, Good Night

As I watched you from afar, I saw your smiling face glimmer in the sun-light. Nothing made me more happy then seeing you happy. Once I saw your beautiful face grin, everything melted away. Nothing mattered anymore.1

The way you laughed, the way you smiled... Everything about you was perfect.2

How I wanted to touch you, embrace you, hold you...3

But that was my dream... A dream that was to never be.4

My heart is forever more in two; a piece of glass shattered in many pieces.5

I remember the last time I felt my hand travel through your warm, dark blue hair. That face of yours like no other. 6

We were complete. 7

We were as one.8

It broke my heart to see you... With her .9

I was merely a tool used in your life. A key to you, to unlock all of the doors that stood in your path. 10

I loved you, as you loved me. Or so I thought, before the dreadful day when you met her. 11

She showed no benevolence in me whatsoever. Neither did you...12

The philanthropy of our lives decreased majorly... As did our treasured love.13

Adiaphanously, she twisted your mind to make it so that I was invisible to you.14

The intense evangelistic bond we shared... Everything stopped.15

Together we were a melody, to be played as a duet. In harmony we played together, as two small children. Two children whom, no matter what, stuck together as best friends, if not more. Laughs, smiles, giggles... Ceased.16

I now taint the Earth with my tears. Tears of only sorrowness, only to slowly be absorbed, as you did to the love I had for you.. 17

As I walk upon the Earth, my footsteps lessen. When I think, it's hard to concentrate. When I try to breathe, my breath is cut short.18

I wish you good-night, my love.19

I lay upon a bed, covered in red petals. I pick up a rose, which stood by my night-stand before you left. I pick the petals, as a single tear streamed down my cheek and onto the marble floor.20

And as the tear fell, an image of your face ran through my mind. The tear-drop slowly hit the ground, only not to explode in small water droplets, but in soft, delicate petals.21

I wish you good-night, my love, as I close my eyes to enter my slumber.22

I turn and hold the rose and looked over, but the spot next to me is empty. It was where you used to lay. I put my hand on the soft bed, only to run it up and down as your body was in her bed. I frowned at the thought.23

Slowly, I placed the rose in the frivolous space, my long, white silk gown encoated in rose petals.24

I wish you good-night, my love, as I close my eyes one last time to enter my slumber.

Author notes

I wrote this, since, well, it happens quite the few nowadays, and, I had nothing better to do.

My best friend is, or used to be, Mihael Keehl.

I chose option two, "FIRST LOVE" for this contest. Losing a close relationship and your love is saddening...

My username in the group Anti-Twilight Lovers is Rukia Kuchiki.

My middle is Ariana. D:

A contest entry

What was your feeling when you read this?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 40 of 40

  • andhearts. ox
    July 10
    Edit | Reply
    This left me speechless!


  • Duality.
    July 5
    Edit | Reply

    AW!

    My feeling was a very happy romance between a girl and a guy! SO not what I read! Good JOB!


  • Reaver Greeters member
    June 21

    Edit | Reply
    The background totally affected me, but i did enjoy reading your work. Thanks for entering my contest and best of luck to you.

    Rian


  • Jennywinnie
    June 17
    Edit | Reply
    Good characterization, we can really feel her pain.

    Good job


  • MsAlee gold member
    June 17

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    beautiful imagery here. i can feel the sadness of watching the one you love leaving you for someone else.
    Well done!


  • Misty Gray
    June 17
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    It was beautiful but horribly sad. Having your heart broken is never fun.

  • DeathByChocolate
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    This is really sad and very beautifully written. Love it!
    Good job


    • Kagamine Rin
      June 17
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! This is a really favorable one I made last year... Everoyne loves it. XD


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    March 13

    Edit | Reply
    This is very well writen, a lot of description and very good grammer, spelling, and portral of emotion. Is this part of a novel? Seems like a short story almost. I rather did like this, the backgrounds nice too but the fonts hard to read in some spots. Thank you for enteing my contest and good luck. Please, if you have not joined the group consider doing so.


    • Kagamine Rin
      March 13
      Edit | Reply
      Thank yoy, Shadowed Pheonix! I really appreciate your comment. And I'll check your group out, as well. =]


  • Savage
    March 7

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    I like this, it was... really sad . For someone reason it reminded me of Whispers in the Dark by Skillet, just the bit about the tears and the roses.

    Yeah, you did a wonderful job on this, definitely a little gem.


  • Maggie Kay
    March 1

    Edit | Reply
    This is good
    i never lost interest and i was drown in, wanting to read more, to no everything i could about this girl and her experience.
    I loved it
    thank you for entering


  • bird-mad girl
    February 1

    Edit | Reply
    Usually I like pieces with lots of description and imagery but I think that lack of that really played a benefit to your piece. I think that’s because instead of imagery there was a good use of language and vocabulary that was blunt. I liked this piece. However, I was kind of disappointed near the end when it got to the rose bit, I thought that was a bit cheesy and I think this piece can do without the petals and single teardrop, it took something away from you piece.

    Thank you for entering.


  • GrimDeath
    January 30

    Edit | Reply
    I loved the emotions that ran though out the story. The descriptions we wonderful; it was if a movie was playing before my eyes as a read each and every word. I must say you truly held my attention throughout. Also, great choice for the background it works well with the story. Wonderful job! Thank you for entering my contest and Good Luck!

    • Kagamine Rin
      January 30
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much GrimDeath! I love your avatar; it's so pretty. And honestly, I thought of this piece while listening to music.

  • bird-mad girl
    January 24
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    Please read over the rules or else I will have to DQ your piece. Thank you.

    hint: it has to do with your username and author's notes.


  • UhhLizzAhhBett
    January 22

    Edit | Reply
    OMG I TOTTALY LOVE IT!! It's exactly how i feel....you just inspired me!!! clapz times a million. Yoku dekimashita よくできました!!(GOOD JOB)


  • Dawn Bon
    November 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like it. My feelings were just that thsi was beautiful. I like the stars

    • Kagamine Rin
      November 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Arigatou gozaimasu! (Thank you very much!)

      Many people think its pretty... Pretty sad. XD!

      Yay for awesomley uber glowing/sparklingglimmering starz!

  • jmcherrygirl15
    November 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is by far the most gorgeous thing I've read in this contest so far. So descriptive, and so poetic . . . it brought tears to my eyes. It made me feel so intensively, and I just don't know what to say. That was beautiful. Superb job.


  • Ayesha Raees
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    what a gorgeous peice...!
    I loved how your described everything... how you mixed up words... such amazing metaphors... !!! I loved it. So beautiful!


  • Dassy
    October 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very depressing. I have felt similar to this before... and it sucks to have an immense love for someone and have them not love you back


  • LittleMissChrissie
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow, you made me cry. That just doesn't happen that much and you've done a brilliant job. The emotions felt really real and I felt I could relate to the characters.

    Length: it was a bit short, but overall a brilliant job.

    Best of luck in the contest.


  • Melancholic Smile
    September 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is a really beautiful piece of writing and you have captured the emotions in such a heartfelt and almost poetic manner. You kept my attention from the first word to the last as you described her feelings of deep sadness so well. This is definetly going on my finalists list. A really good short story, well done!

  • JansTheWoman
    September 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was a really good piece.

    Good luck in the contest


  • cole3313
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    It was written very well. So poetic and heartfelt. It was really good.
    good luck in my contest.


  • Kagamine Rin
    September 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you so much! I appreciate your comment! This is a very favorited short story I made, and, your welcome!


  • WeAreOceansAway
    September 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is absolutely wonderful. Very original from my point of view and very well thought through. Thank you for this wonderful entry, I'm so pleased with how it's turning out!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Six-Feet-Underwater
    September 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great discriptions and beautiful emotion. It's an enticing tale of lost and betrayed love. Woderful. Great job!


  • X-GlassXAngel-X
    September 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing!

    Wow, this is gorgeous! It's so emotional, I can picture it in my mind perfectly! You're a really good writer.

  • Kartz
    September 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful... And I like the background too.

    "Together we were a melody, to be played as a duet. In harmony we played together, as two small children. Two children whom, no matter what, stuck together as best friends, if not more."- sweet!

    "I turn and hold the rose and looked over, but the spot next to me is empty. It was where you used to lay. I put my hand on the soft bed, only to run it up and down as your body was in her bed."- neat way of putting it...

    Peace, and have a nice day

  • Kagamine Rin
    August 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    No, no.

    Well, yes. At first, this is how Raine feels towards Kaleb. She's not very strong emotionally, so she guessed that he would just befriend her and love someone else.

    =P

    Meh.


  • RegalAngel
    August 27, 2008

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    ... ... THIS IS AWSOME! although r u talking about Kaleb cos if u r i feel guilty...


  • Firestar-
    August 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    GOOD! LOVE IT! READ VARJAK PAW'S STORY TOO


  • WolfSpiritMia
    August 26, 2008
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    That was awesome!! I loved it!! Poor girl. Well, awesome job, nice details!


  • DeathNoteYaoi
    August 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow... this story is very beautiful very good descriptive i love it very much welldone ^^ WELLDONE

    DNY--

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