The Doorbell (Drabble)

The bell rang. Lazily, I got up from my bed. Covering myself with my nightgown, I went to the door and looked through the peephole. It was Jake, my boyfriend. Strange, I never knew he got up so early. Instinctively, my eyes reached for the mirror. Making sure(?) I was presentable, I opened the door.1

"Hey! What a surprise! Come in!"2

He didn't. Instead, He stared hard at me. Before I could ask him what was wrong, he brought a knife out of his pocket and slashed my throat! 3

I woke up from the nightmare, sweating profusely.4

The bell rang.

Author notes

I had hard time restricting it to 100 words. Hope the end product is good.

A contest entry

Anything is appreciated...

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • trixie-pix
    October 5, 2008
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    thats awsume


  • Thorn-on-the-Rose
    September 24, 2008

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    HA!! I love it!! ecpically (denifintly spelt that wrong, sorry) the end. Good job at keeping it a drabble =DD

    -Dani

  • Kartz
    August 26, 2008

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    A good job... Try to use synonyms, dude. Sometimes you can get a better word.

    An intriguing drabble... Cherio


  • trekkergirl
    August 25, 2008

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    ohhhhh now that was unexpected. I like it. I mean shhhh a dream. Wasn't expecting that at all. Good work. Very creative. Thanks for joining the contest.


    • Kirin
      August 25, 2008
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      Thanks trekkergirl for reading my story, the comments and the applause. This is (almost) my first attempt at a drabble. I still feel i could have written it better. I feel i couldn't successfully bring the horror when the bell really rings after she gets up. Could you suggest something? Of course I won't edit this. I'l use ur suggestions for my next drabble. Thanks!

      • trekkergirl
        August 25, 2008
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        Actually you wrote very well. The problem with drabbles are the limit on words you can use. With only using 100 words in a drabble you have to pick and chose which words do what you want them to do... in the best way. You did fine. Now you could probably expand this into a actual story and use more imagery. But as a drabble you did well.


        • Kirin
          August 25, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Thank you very much. I'm very glad. I'll try to make it into a longer story. Thanks for your compliments.

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