Everything I Do

We were sitting at one of the folding tables that the Homecoming Committee had placed on one end of the gym, resting from an exhausting—but fun—five songs worth of dancing. I absently smoothed the front of my dress, self-conscious for the hundredth time that night; I normally avoided pretty dresses, and I never believed my friends when they complimented my appearance.1

Sitting beside me, leaning back in his chair, sat my best friend. He looked so relaxed, even in his suit. I couldn’t help but think he looked rather dashing.2

Peter glanced at me, the corner of his mouth tilted upward in a hint of a grin. I quickly looked away, blushing furiously. It wasn’t fair of him to do that to me—he knew how uncomfortable I was. He cast me another look, his eyes lingering on me a little longer this time.3

A familiar song intro began—soft and slow—and I felt myself smile wistfully. 4

“What is it, Kim?” Peter had straightened up in his chair.5

“I love this song,” I sighed. It was one of my very favorites. “Look into my eyes; you will see… what you mean to me,” I softly sang along.6

Peter listened silently for a moment, his eyes closed. Then, to my surprise, he suddenly got up and stood before me. He bowed, keeping his eyes on me, and held out his hand. “May I have this dance?”7

I bit my lip, trying to hide the shy smile that threatened to break loose. “Okay.” 8

I reached forward and placed my trembling hand in his. His hand was rough and calloused, but he was exceptionally gentle as he led me out onto the dance floor. I turned to face him, my face hot, and placed my hands on his shoulders.9

My heart began thudding against my chest as he put his arms around my waist.10

“Search your heart; search your soul… and when you find me there, you’ll search no more,” came the song. Peter’s lips moved to the music; he couldn’t sing, but he seemed to know the lyrics.11

His beautiful blue eyes met mine, and I felt my air supply suddenly cut off. I had temporarily forgotten how to breathe. Peter seemed not to notice; he simply began to slowly rock me back and forth to the beat.12

“I like the dress,” he murmured. “God, you’re beautiful.”13

“Th-thank you.” With my stammering, I probably sounded brain-dead. “I, uh… I like the suit.”14

He looked down at it. “Oh, thanks.”15

A silence came between us. I attempted to avoid looking at his face, but it was a futile effort. When I finally let myself meet his gaze again, I saw that his eyes had never wavered. 16

“Kim?” His voice was quiet, but clear. “Can I ask you something?”17

I nodded.18

“You already know that I still like you,” he said. This time, he looked away. “But… you never told me… if you still feel that way.”19

For a moment, I froze. He noticed and looked at me, concerned.20

“Peter,” I began, but I was at a loss for words. What was there for me to say?21

He waited patiently for me to find my voice again. “Don’t do anything you’re not ready to,” he reminded me softly.22

It took me a few moments to speak. “Peter… I just… I don’t know. I mean, after eight months of being ignored, it’s hard to just… take you back so completely.” What was I saying? “I need… I need time to get to know you again—before I can even consider that.”23

Peter sighed. “You didn’t answer my question.”24

“I don’t know if I can yet.”25

His eyes locked with mine again, and I could see a trace of pain in their blue depths. He lifted his hand and slowly, gently, stroked the side of my face. My breathing became erratic as his fingertips brushed my lips.26

Unsure if I could handle any more, I clasped his hand with my own and replaced it at my waist. 27

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. 28

“Don’t be,” I mumbled.29

“I won’t do it again.” He sounded ashamed, as though he had done something terribly wrong.30

“Look into your heart; you will find… there’s nothing there to hide. Take me as I am, take my life….” The music still played, and the dance floor was littered with couples. “I would give it all, I would sacrifice,” whispered Peter with the song.31

I could feel my heart beginning to melt.32

“Kim….” His voice was even quieter now, and I leaned a little closer to hear. “I am so sorry I left you.” Peter’s eyes were closed. “When you told me how bad it hurt you, I got so angry at myself. I never meant that, I really didn’t. I thought I was doing the right thing, removing myself from the picture. I was coming between you and your friends, and… I couldn’t take seeing you getting more upset every day.”33

I raised my eyes to his face. He looked so unhappy, so tortured.34

“But knowing that I hurt you… that is so much worse.”35

It was painful to see him this way. I placed my hand against his cheek and moved a little closer. “I’m not mad at you,” I murmured. “I never was.”36

He opened his eyes slowly. “Can you ever forgive me?”37

“I forgave you before you even did it,” I told him. “Holding grudges isn’t really my thing.”38

“You should hate me.”39

I gave him an annoyed look. “I’ve told you before: I could never hate you. Why don’t you get that?”40

He shrugged, still dismal. “I don’t know.”41

“Peter….” My expression softened. “You infuriate me.”42

“I know.”43

“You’re the most annoying friend I have.”44

“I know.”45

“And you’re a goofy, impossible-to-understand idiot.”46

He sighed. “I know.”47

I stood on tiptoe—having no choice, due to how tall he had gotten—and pulled him into a hug. He held me tightly, closer than he ever had before. “That’s why I like you so much,” I whispered. “And you know… I think I’ll go out with you after all.”48

I let go and moved back enough that I could see his face. He looked confused. “But… what about getting to know me again?”49

“You haven’t really changed,” I pointed out. “You’re still the same old Peter. I don’t want to rush anything, though; the last time I tried that, things didn’t turn out so well.”50

He smiled a little. “I’m willing to take it slow,” he said, each syllable said clearly and deliberately. 51

“It’s not like you have a choice,” I teased. “I’m the boss, ‘member?”52

“Oh yeah.”53

“You know something?”54

“What?”55

“You were the first boy I ever wanted to kiss.” 56

He thought about that for a few seconds. “Really?” His eyebrows drew together in thought when I nodded. “Well… what if I was the first guy… you really kissed?”57

Peter gazed into my eyes for a moment, taking note that I was blushing again. Then, very slowly, he leaned in and gently touched his lips to mine. I could barely breathe because of the pure ecstasy that suddenly swept through me. His arms tightened around me, and I briefly kissed him back; he pulled back a few inches, and I could see that his blue eyes were shining happily.58

“I’d die for you,” he whispered, again in time with the music. “Everything I do… I do it for you.”59

“That’s not fair,” I accused, keeping my voice soft. “This is my favorite song.”60

“I know.” He grinned. “That’s why I requested it from the D.J.”61

I laughed. “I should’ve known.”62

He touched my face again, the back of his hand running down my cheek; his fingers traced my cheekbone and slowly made their way back to my lips. When Peter finally put his arm back around me, I took in a huge gulp of air, realizing that I had been holding my breath the whole time.63

“What happened to not doing that anymore?” I wondered, releasing a shaky laugh.64

“I lied,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss me again.65