My Blog

July 14, 2008 - Monday
Feelings: Awesomeness and Bitterness
Current mood: strong
Category: Writing and Poetry 1

Well. *big sigh* There's a lot to say, and Catherine hardly knows how to say it. First off, she's gonna say Happy Birthday to Elaine (now 21!!!). Yaaaaaaaay! A not yay, though, is that she has been really irritable the past couple of days, and things just won't stop bugging her. For instance, Catherine feels like listening to some drum corps music right now, so she is trying to download some music onto her laptop. It is not working!!!!! The stupid silence is making her more crankier by the second.2

Catherine does not want to be a downer and all, but this drum corps stuff hurts! Her knee is really sore today, but was killing her yesterday. And she has like a million bruises all over her body. About eleventh/twelveth's of them are from loading and unloading the Impulse truck. (The other ones are from Mike, which will be told to you in just a minute). Her hand still hurts from playing slide; however, that is to be expected. That same hand, a year and a half ago was slammed really hard against a doorknob at her grandmother's house and a year later it still hurt Catherine. Her stomache hurt really bad, and still kind if does, and she is currently dehydrated (Catherine knows and feels the effects).3

So those other bruises you were told about?Yea, Mike and Catherine invented the most immature, and childish [but extremely fun!!!] game. It's called "Poke the Face". The aim of the game is to poke the other persons face and protect yours, using whatever force necessary. Mike is way stronger and mostly wins, but Catherine is smart and has tricks up her sleeves. She has gotten in some good jabs and wins =D But yea, she has bruises on her arms from him holding her away and her twisting to get away to poke him anyway!4

Ummm...okay. On to a sensitive subject. You better not laugh or Catherine will...will...poke you! But seriously. So Renae told Catherine that she was section leader in higher school, but had some confidence issues. She was majorly insecure. Like Catherine. Joining Impulse! fixed that, though. She became more confident and more like section leader material. Catherine has the same issues and, if she tried to be a section leader (even now, after what happened), she would fail miserably. Catherine has barely any confidence in herself, but she thinks joining a drum and bugle corps has upped it just a little bit. Not a lot, but she thinks it will keep on growing and growing. So you want to know what happened?5

Catherine has already told you that she has a crush. [This takes a lot of guts to write in a blog where everyone can see, so her confidence must already be growing. See, I told you so!] Anyway, that crush was her fellow PIT member Mike, who plays tympani. And not last night, but the night before, Elaine said she would house member's of the front ensemble so they would be closer to the show site. Mike was staying, but Catherine had brought no clothes and not planning on staying (to get some clothes, she would have to drive an hour an a half to get home, not like some people who are only like fifteen minutes away). Then she was like, hmmm...and dug up a spare set of clothes in her mother's car (yes, she knows she's weird).6

Renae told Catherine's mom that she needed ten bucks, so she got some money, and they got on the road. Mike and BJ were in the car with her, and they were all riding with Renae. Mike and Cat had fun in the back. The played slide and talked and blah, blah, blah. They had to stop at Renae and BJ's house to get some clothes for them, and Catherine has to admit, BJ's brother is awesome. He was writing a musical score that looked and sounded complicated, but really good (some of it leaked through the headphones he was using). And he seemed to be really, really into music, too. It's rare to find a person like that nowadays. They always only put half a heart into their work. [Which is definitely not Catherine, by the way.]7

Finally, they were at Elaine's house. It was like midnight and soon everybody went to bed. Everybody but Catherine and Mike. They were too busy having fun to go to bed. They played slide, and then made a harder version of slide, and then an even a harder version still. Then they created "Poke the Face". It was a mixture of games at first, like who can touch your hair, or slap your face, or something totally random having to do with above the neck, but then it kind of got stuck on poking, so yup. Then they talked and Mike stole the couch she had. She threatened to jump on him if he didn't move, and he said he didn't care so he didn't move. She didn't exactly jump on him, but she sat on him. And she is a little bit more than just a little bit overweight, so she usually doesn't sit on people (she doesn't want to squish and hurt them), but she wanted that couch! He still didn't move, and she was then laying on him. Wow. They started talking, and usually you look at people's eyes when they talk, so when Mike was talking, their lips were like an inch away. Another wow. She wanted to kiss him so bad. When Mike had no other idea's on how to pass the time, other than sleep, Catherine was barely listening to him anymore. She was to busy arguing with herself. "Just do it already. He's already had a chance didn't he? He doesn't want to kiss me. Come on, if you don't kiss him now then you won't ever know if you guys could be together. But if I kiss him, he could jerk away and say 'sorry, I don't like you that way', and thing's could be really, extremely awkward for the rest of the three week season. Who the hell cares? You might not even see him after the summer is over, so even if it's uncomfortable for the next three weeks, you have the rest of your life to never see him again and be reminded of it!!!!!!! Just fucking do it."8

She got withheld from her arguing with her stupid confidence or whatever you would want to call it, when Mike asked, "Why do you look so sad?" She shook her head and told him that she was just tired. Then thought of something and started to say, "Can we still be friends?" She got to 'can we' and said never mind. Mike said, "No, come on, Tell me. I want to know." So she said the whole phrase wondering and feeling really weird; why the hell is she putting herself in a position like this? And well, he looked really confused and said, "Why-" Catherine kissed him right then. He kissed back. So yay for her, right? Well, she told Mike that she had wanted to do that for the longest time and he asked if she felt better, and then it was like nothing else was going to happen. She felt this huge sense of dread coming up on her. OMFG, is this it? Are they going to kiss and pretend nothing had happened??!!!! Apparently, her face looked how she felt, and Mike asked, "What's wrong?" She wanted to scream WTF, how can you not figure it out? We just kiss, and it's like nothing happened. Instead Catherine calmly said, "Well, I just kissed you and you kissed me back. Okay. But it's like nothing else is going to happen. Obviously you don't have any feelings back-" she was cut off when he kissed her. "Now you know my feelings." he said.9

That was like that most perfect moment in her life (at least so far). How can you get any more romantic than that scene??? Later in the morning, she got a really bad feeling of dread, because when the people who stayed at Elaine's house were about to leave, she asked Mike, "What's going to happen with us?" He didn't know. He DID NOT KNOW! He asked Catherine what she wanted. She could not just tell him, "Hello, Mike? Do you think I kissed you just for a one time thing, or what?" So she asked him again, and he said that he wanted to continue. Okay. That's cool. But continue with what? Kissing and playing slide/"Poke the Face" and nothing else? Or is he her boyfriend? Catherine hates it when guys do stuff like that. She knows she should ask him, "So, are we like together, together, now?" (okay, that sounds high schoolish, I know, but get over it). But she just can't. She knows he might read it on here and call her on it, but Impulse! just hasn't upped her confidence that much just yet.10

Ugh. Right now, Catherine wants to slap herself and delete everything she just wrote because how the hell can she put this up where everyone can read it? But she is gonna stick through with it, even though it's making her stomache hurt worse, and Mike might not want this "scene" where everyone can see it and so it might make him hate her, but he's gonna just have to get over it, because Catherine promised to write everything exciting about drum corps in her blog when she started writing. And this certainly has to do with Impulse.11

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13


July 21, 2008 - Monday
Current mood: drained
Category: Writing and Poetry14

This weekend was one of the worst, but greatest weekends in her life. I'll start from the beginning; this past Thursday. The Impulse! PIT went to go see "The Dark Knight" at the Midnight showing. Some other people showed up, but that's not the best part of the evening. The best part is before they even leave the rehearsal site to head to the movies.15

Elaine had no room in her car, so Catherine walked up to Renae and was about to say, "Guess I'm riding with you," when she took off. Then Catherine tried finding her, and she had already left the campus. [It turns out that she didn't even have room in her car, so yea.] Anyway, Catherine had been feeling sick. Her stomache was really, really hurting her, and there she was, standing in the parking lot. She watched Elaine drive out and she's like, "Ummm...what am I supposed to do now?" You see, no one else was driving, that she knew of.16

She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket...it was Mike. "How are you getting to the theatres?" He asked Catherine. She didn't know, and then Yoko came out and she told Yoko, "They abandoned me!!!" Yoko, a member of the front ensemble, wasn't going to see "The Dark Knight", but she offered to drive Catherine to the theatre. So Yoko started driving, and Mike said that Phil (a snare) could drive her. Yoko was next to the freeway by that time, but she turned around and went back to the school so Phil could drive Catherine and Yoko could just go home. In the lot, they didn't see him, so they left and headed to the freeway again, because Yoko didn't want to wait for him, but apparently he was there. They did another you-turn and finally Catherine was on her way to the movies; after Yoko wanted her to say "F-you" to everyone for leaving her. Catherine was used to it- it used to happen all the time, so Catherine refused.17

After the movie, Raul, Mike, and Catherine all went to Elaine's house. (I did nothing I swear!!!!) What does that mean? It means Catherine can never look Elaine's parents in the eye again, and she's not even sure if Elaine knows what happened. Oh My GOD!!!!! Seriously, Mike and Catherine did nothing. N. O. T. H. I. N. G. But Elaine's dad...Catherine is so ashamed. Elaine's family was really nice to her, and she goes and "disrespects" them. She feels horrible. She really does. What happened was this; Catherine's stomache hurt the worst it ever had. Extremely, really, much, humongous pain- so much that she was almost crying. She was laying on top of one of the beds in that guest room Elaine has, and Mike came in, and wanted to comfort her. So he lay down next to her and hugged her real tight, and talked to her to get Catherine's mind off the pain. They did kiss a little bit, but really, her stomache was in no shape to do anything but just lay in a curled up position.18

Mike and Catherine fell asleep that way, laying on the same bed, you know? And she didn't know anything was wrong until Mike told her the story on the bus later that night. When he woke up, Elaine's dad woke up and had to go to the bathroom, which is right next to the guest room. And the door was open. He was freaking out, and Elaine's mom was trying to calm him down, because he saw us sleeping in the same bed. Or something. Catherine doesn't know. All she knows is that she's gonna miss that family, and wishes her stomache hadn't hurt, so this would never had happened. Well, okay. That night was kind of fun, except for the pain part, because Mike was there to comfort her and all. Also, he asked her to be his girlfriend.19

Now, on Friday, she smashed her index finger, and then her thumb. Then her stomache hurt really bad (it was feeling better for a bit), and then when loading the truck, the bells flipped over and came all the way undone. Rehearsal ended, Catherine went to go get some last minute things at Wal-mart and pack some more clothes in her overnight bag that her mom brought when she picked Catherine up. They arrived at the Fullerton train station at about 10:30 pm, where they were meeting and everybody loaded the buses when they got there. The buses finally left, and guess what everybody? Impulse! was headed to Northern California!!!! In the bus, it was cold, so Mike kept Catherine warm. Don't worry. They didn't do stuff, even though it was dark. [Okay, okay. So we kissed. So what? I didn't know it was technically against the rules at that time.] Other than that, they talked, played games, and slept. One of the games the two played is called "Oranges and Elephants". I say 'orange', and you say a word that starts with the letter 'E', so- 'elephant'. Then I say 'tuba' etc.20

Catherine, before telling you the next part, just wants to say something. She has felt love only once before, and it wasn't even girlfriend/boyfriend love. It was when she had to go to Home Hospital for sickness; a type of schooling for kids who cannot attend regular public school. Catherine's teacher was Pat, and she was awesome! She made life more interesting, and when Catherine was feeling sick or down for some reason, Pat always made her feel better. Catherine learned a lot of life's lessons from her, even though they knew each other not for such a long time. The two both had the same views on a lot of stuff, like how history was played out, and it came like Catherine felt like Pat was her favorite grandmother (Catherine never had the guts to tell Pat that, though).21

Then Catherine's school became such a bitch, and Catherine moved to an independant study program to finish out the rest of high school-which was only like three months. Her old school didn't think that Pat did her job, and second guessed her, and wouldn't give Catherine her semester grades. Not only had Pat been working in that school district for like fourty years [she's 62], but no one has ever second-guessed her grades in her life. She is was literally the best teacher you could get! Catherine wanted to punch somebody's lights out because of that. She also wanted to use as many foul words as she could in one sentence. The only cuss word Catherine uses semi-daily is sh&*! and only because it slips out. If you consider damn a cuss word, then make it two, because she uses that more than daily. You don't want to see Catherine when she's so angry that she says any of the other words, and more than one in a sentence? You got to be fucking kidding me.22

That was a long ramble, but whatever. So Catherine has only really felt love once. I mean, family means a lot to her- but that's a different story for a different time, yea? And she has said that she loved her ex-boyfriend, but it wasn't really love (sooo sorry). Anyway, when around Mike, or just thinking about him, Catherine is...she is...she gets this feeling. Not a bad feeling, but a great warmth-one similar to what she felt with Pat. Uh, oh. Right? The two had been 'hooking' it up [just kissing, GOD-who do you think I am?] or whatever for like a week, and they had only been 'together' for less than a day, and she had to keep the 'L' word from slipping out of her mouth. What the heck? How can you love someone so fast? She didn't think it was truely possible, but I guess it could be true when you say, "Love at first site." Except it was like a week.23

Okay, okay. Rambling again. So they were playing ''Oranges and Elephants'', and Mike said the word 'special'. My word...hmmm...'L'...what starts with the letter 'L'? Every word but one disappears from my mind, and it was like three am. Instead of just thinking (I couldn't anyway) or just saying "I give up", Catherine told Mike, "I don't want to say my word, because I know you probably aren't into it." or something very similar to that. He agreed, and Catherine's stomache dropped. But what can you do? It has been only a week. He promised he would say it when he was ready, but then was not the time.24

Remember the sentence, "This weekend was one of the worst, but greatest weekends in her life"? Saturday was THE worst. First thing that happened was that Catherine did a bellyflop, landing straight on her stomache. Then there was a dead bird [awwww] and the bells, right about to go on to performance, broke. They fixed just in time. After the performance, she fell while loading a tympany onto the cart to get it off the field, and then twisted her ankle getting the gong off, back at the truck. And when loading the speakers, she jerked her arm upwards and stabbed herself with a nail. Blood was dripping down her arm, and she asked BJ where the band aids were, and he said, "It's just a little nip. You don't need one." Okay, whatever. It still hurt like hell, and felt weird to have blood dripping down my arm while finishing loading up the truck.25

Mike realized she was having a bad day, and tried cheering her up, but didn't really help. Catherine didn't eat any dinner she was so busy brooding over her bad luck. Yea, she could actually eat by then. Catherine's stomache didn't hurt anymore (and still doesn't today, yay!). The next day wasn't so bad, but she did trip over herself like three times and the gong holder pinched her. Damn, this is long! Imagine what tour's gonna be like. She has no internet access, so she writes interesting things down on a paper to remember, and it'll be like two miles long. Impulse is leaving this next Monday, by the way, for the two-and-a-half week tour. If you didn't know. ♥♥26

*Sigh* Only like two more paragraphs more to go, and then Catherine's done. She's seriously distracted right now; it's taking her a really long time to write this. (Well, now that I'm at the end. It's already 7 pm, and I haven't even taken a break!!!) Both days, Impulse got fourth place. Catherine's performance Saturday was not that great, but on Sunday, she was feeling it all right-no mistakes at all. Her best run ever. They still have a lot of work to do, but their points are jumping up, and that's the good thing. It doesn't matter what place you get. Not right now. They just have to up their score, to get into finals. FINALS BABY!!!! Hells yea!27

On the bus ride home from Northern California, it was cold once again. And Mike said something that surprised Catherine. He loved her. What? Wait. Wasn't it less than two days before that he said he wasn't ready to say it? How-unless...Catherine said she loved her ex-boyfriend because she felt like he was pressuring her to do so, not because it was really love. She mentioned her feelings only once to Mike, but did he feel pressured to do so? OMG, what had she done??!!!!! But when she asked, he said that he said he loved her because he truely did. And even if she hadn't brought up her feelings Friday, he would still have told her before they had gotten off that bus.28

They got to the train station at 3 am, and Ken drove her home. [If you haven't figured it out, that day was today. I got home at about six.] Catherine then went to the hospital to see her knee specialist and in all his years, he has not seen a case like hers. One of her ligaments was attached at the wrong place, so if she ever tore it, that was it for her knee. Bam! They would have a really hard time trying fix it, if they could at all. After that, Catherine went to help an old friend's of her mother's pack up her house. She has one week to move a full sized house, into a small bedroom. I feel sorry for her.29

After that, she went to her family doctor to get her 'nail wound' looked at, in case the nail was rusty or the wound was infected. Catherine didn't see the point; it was fine. The doc said so, too. They just had to make sure. Whatever. Now Catherine is back here, writing this really, huge blog which is still not finished. Well, okay. It is.30

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