Before the last seven days

"You'v got to hide your love away"
The Beatles1

People look back in there life and see one mistake they made and know they should have done something diffrent. A lot of times it's somthing like shouldt have dated so and so or they should have taken a job some place. My mistake is far worse. 2

I met Victoria my first day of my 2d semster in high school I had moved from Conneticut to Vermont, I was given the choice to live any place I chose there. She was 5.8 long hair long legs gray green eyes..She was amazing. 3

We became close friends in school we both dated a lot in it. I dated a ton of girls for no reason no emotion in the least while Tory dated pigs who treated her like shit I along with our friend Alina was always there for her. The years passed I dealt with a crappy home life and bouts of deprestion , While she went lower and lower got into cutting her self drinking never drugs we both new to many people who over dosed. 4

Right before the end of senor year she found out she was pregnen, she was upset how she became it and with who but the doctors said she could never have a baby. 5

That summer she started to deal with depprestion and badly. I stayed with her as much as posible to keep her company and safe from her self and the baby's father who is a nut job to say the very least. 6

One day she emailed me telling me she was sitting in bed with a .45 and was going to end it all. I was on Conneticut at the time I called her and yelled at her, told her it was not about her but her child and to grow up life go's on and people love her and would die if she killed her self and I told her I loved her...We were both shocked. I always keep that down feep and never thought about it once. 7

She didt do it and we became closer still we both knew how I felt but didt talk about it for one reason or another.8

I was there when she gave birth I love him as much as if I had my own. It was march when I lost my job my mother stole my money just to be a bitch Tory and I were closer still...But I left to move to Conneticut. Our friend Alina told me to stay Victoria told me no begged me to stay when I got out t he car the last time I saw her was utter pain but still I left . 9

For 5 months I was down there , Tory called a lot I never picked up she emailed me a lot I deleted them. One day 2 months ago Alina called me 12 times ina row so I picked up at last Tory was enganged and was getting married and wanted me to come to it it was on Agust 30th...I said no. and keeped on saying it.10

One night I was stoned, I had started smoking a drinking since I moved down. The day I got into the car to leave I knew I made a mistake and because of that I started to drink and smoke Herb. 11

Well one night I told my freind Matt about why I moved down here I was asked a lot why but I never aswered them until now. A week later him and another friend they wanted to go camping for a night lets g o to my house up there i have land we will camp out party them go home the next day...12

I was scared to go up but I would see any one I knew I would make sure of it. We had a good time that night. The next morning we were at the town gas station I went to get a drink when I came out my back pack was on the ground Matt was standing there and told me I was staying then drove away...13

So I went home again, Alina saw me walking and gave me a lift. The next day I was in town Tory and Alina found me and took me home with them not giveing me a chance so I said sure knowing I didt have a choice. That day we hung out I met the fiance he seemed nice enough. Her and I talked alot about nothing on the way to get food the 3 of us were quiet but on the way back Tory talked and talked I could her the pain in her voice and the anger Alina tried to change the topic. She never brought up us just things that made us both think of us. That night Alina and I were smoking a cig out side and we talked and talked about what happened what I did. 14

The next morning Tory and I were smoking out side on the porch she asked how I was I could only say ok the pain in my eyes was so easy to see. She went inside and I cried. 15

She loves me and has for a long time. I was a fool to leave it was the greatest mistake of my life. I left the woman I love who loved me back for a life of lonlyness. I left for no reason, she is getting married but still loves me and I love her and always will I will always be there for her. 16

In 7 days she is getting married I do not know what will happen from now untill then only god knows that. In that time I will tell her I love her and I will always be therer for her and will wait till death if I must. Something she told me in the car lastt night hit home..17

She looked at me and told me if you love some one enough you would wait for them for as long as it took. And i'm going to do that. Because I love her. 18

Theres a moral to this all I guess. If you love some one no matter how far fetched it may seem that they have any feelings, no matter how hard it might be to say those words,do it dont run away dont not say it. Tell them the pain if you do not is the worst thing you can feel and loss is unbearible. 19

"Thats me in the corner"
R.E.M.