Why I'm Still Here.

I should warn you - this gets pretty honest and personal. I didn't even know I'd write so much. But I will say this contest was a great idea. It really help put things in perspective.1

#10: I want to change the world. Not a small ambition, I know - but in no way impossible. I'm not talking about something as mundane as picking up trash because "every little bit counts" (not that it doesn't because it truly does), but something huge. I can't be the president because I wasn't born here (which bummed me out when I learned that in 7th grade History) but MAYBE, just maybe, I could mold the next one. That's why I want to be an English teacher. I want to mold the future minds of America.2

#9: I still have to write my New York Times Bestselling novel. Granted I have NO idea what it's going to be about (though I often fancy writing about myself), I just know I have to do it. The thing is I have all these ideas floating in my head, and all these words marching themselves in front of my cursor, but they can't quite match up. I find myself starting my story, then a page and a half into it, I scrap the whole thing because my story goes somewhere else. I usually go into a trance when I'm writing so it's hard to take control of the words sometimes. They just want to break free, you know? So many words, so little space. Even now they're itching to get out of my mind and fly through my fingertips. Maybe someday they'll behave so I can finally write my story. Until then, here's to hoping...3

#8: I have yet to taste the perfect dessert. Dessert is very important to me. It's like...when you eat dessert, you can just feel life and colors swirling around on your tongue. I guess you could say I'm a dessert addict. I have to have my fix every lunch and dinner (it's a wonder I'm not a whale yet). I try to vary it as often as I can, but living in suburbia doesn't exactly give me a lot of options. Thus far, I've tried about 12 different combinations of the "Like It" plus one topping at Coldstone. My favorite? I'd have to say the Ghirardelli Chocolate Ice cream with brownies (chocolate chips & graham crackers as well if you can afford it). It's divine. Someday, I plan on going to Italy (Venice to be specific) so I can taste a REAL gelatto - NOT the kind that they serve at Whole Foods. I know the perfect dessert is in Italy and someday, I will find it. Though after that, I'll probably keel over and die from eating too much of it.4

#7: I still want to live the life I've always dreamed of. I don't want anything special - just the average American Dream of a life. I want to be able to go to a really nice restaurant and pick whatever I want from the menu, regardless of the price. I want to be able to go to a store and try things on that I actually COULD buy, instead of playing tug-of-war with the sales associate after I've tried on the same dress ten times. I want to be able to go home to MY house, complete with the essentials. I want to be able to walk into the Godiva Chocolatier store and buy a $3.40 truffle the size of the top part of my thumb without feeling guilty because I could've bought a whole meal @ Mickey D's with that money. And lastly, I want to live my life debt-free. Impossible? Probably. I'll probably still be paying of my college debt when I'm 80 years old (eep!).5

#6: My friends. They've been there for me through high school and college and it's awesome that I know that I can always count on them. Even though we're miles away from the days of ditching school and going to the mall, I know that if I ever needed to crash on any of their couches, their doors are open. I haven't been the best friends to them, especially to my bestfriend Amanda, but I guess that's my reason for living - so I can be better someday. Even though I don't say it - I love you guys.6

#5: I haven't joined the peace corp yet. I told myself in High School that I wanted to be the change that I wanted to see and I meant that. Hopefully, I can go after I get my college degree. I want to help people, but more than that - I want to experience life away from the confines of my comfortable suburban environment. I want to feel the dirt between my toes and my sore hands from having used them all day. I want to know what the rest of the world has to go through every single day, and I want to help make it better. I want to try and ease the famine in North Korea and Africa so if I can join the peace corps, I'd try and request those areas. Am I terrified? Hell yeah. But it's time I give back to the world.7

--- Disclaimer: I feel like I'm starting to sound like I'm some sort of do-gooder angel who's dream is to become the next Mother Theresa. Newsflash: I'm not. Far from it actually. I'm no bad ass either. I've just gone through a lot of crap in life and I've decided that there must be SOME purpose for my being here, other than screwing things up. So if I'm going to be here, I might as well make my life worth something. Now that "something" is different for everyone so don't feel like I'm making whatever your "something" is mean less than mine. The end. ---8

#4: My family. I know that most everyone probably put this down, but I can't deny it - they're a HUGE part of why I'm still here. Other than my dying would probably hurt them a lot, I can't leave them when I know I can still help. They're one of the most important things in my life and without them, I would be nothing. Eversince I was young, my mother raised me on the saying "Blood is thicker than water," which pretty much means that family means more than anything else. Now I don't like everyone in my family because some of them are immature little babies, BUT there's no doubt in my mind that I'd stick my neck out for any one of them. They expect a lot out of me, especially while I'm in College since I went against the grain and decided to become a teacher instead of a nurse (it's a Filipino thing), and I intend to deliver in full.9

#3: My bestfriend. He's amazing. Quite possibly the perfect guy for me - cheesy as that may sound. Though I will say we're complete opposites in a lot of things. While I'm going to be an English teacher, he's going to be a gym teacher. He loves to work out and be outdoors, whereas I'd rather stay at home and spend the day reading or watching TV. He loves sports, while I don't understand most of them (except for football - we've spent many an hour with him explaining every single player and the function of that player, and also him explaining most of the plays and how they're executed. I am now an avid fan haha). The great part though is we balance each other out. He makes me work out with him (which is probably why I haven't turned into a whale yet) and I make him read with me. He's hilarious and can cheer me up in a matter of seconds (not an easy feat, I tell you) whereas I can bring him back down to Earth when it's time to get serious (especially when it comes to schoolwork). He's been my rock these past few months, and I've been the same for him. He keeps me grounded. He saved me at a time when I really needed a friend, and loved me when I thought no one could. Thanks for everything Bubbs. I love you.10

#2: My mother. I know I said family a while back, but my mom is more than just that. She has given everything up, and is still doing that, just so she can give me a better life. Even though we don't have much, she somehow makes it so that I never have to ask for anything (granted I'm not very extravagant - it's still pretty amazing). She loves me more than anything, and even though it can get a bit stifling sometimes, I know that she only does what she thinks is best. I can never repay her for everything she's done for me, but I've made it my goal in life to give her the life she's always wanted. I will make sure that she's going to be comfortable in her old age and that she'll never want for anything. She deserves more than I can give her. If she ever reads this - mom, I love you.11

#1: God. I'm still trying to form a better relationship with Him and I'm still working on becoming a better christian. I've certainly messed up A LOT in high school, but I'd like to think I've gotten better since then. College was the real turning point for me. Ironic, huh? Just when I get the chance to go out and party as much as I want, I go the other way. I know not everyone agrees with this, but I think that it is only through Him that one can find real contentment - true happiness. I'm not some crazy religious fanatic, but I am a believer. I believe that you shouldn't force people to see God. Instead, you should show them God and what he's done in your life. Like I said, I'm a fairly young christian so I'm no expert, but I hope to dedicate my life in learning more about Him and His purpose for me.12

So I guess that's it. Great contest. Though I'm still entering it, I find that I no longer did it for the contest as much as I wrote it for myself. It definetely helped put things in perspective and I'm just glad to get this all down on paper...err virtual paper.