When Love is the Greatest Sin of All

The chill in the air whipped up into a hard gust and brushed past his cheek as he headed into the church. Shivering a little as he actually walked inside he rubbed his hands over his arms to try and keep them warm. Looking around the small deserted place that would once have held a warm bright little parish he frowned slightly at how dead and decayingeverything looked now. Another shiver ran up his spine as he called out timidly into the dimly lit hall, “Feld Bischof Schenck?”1

“Yes, Joshua?” a voice came quietly form his side.2

The young Joshua jumped, “Scheisse!” he gasped as he placed his hand over his heart and laughed a little looking back over at the Chaplain who sat on one of the pews next to him, “I didn’t even see you there Sche…” Suddenly it dawned on him as to what he had just been called, “Schenck…what did you call me?” chuckling he tried to play it off, “This Russian winter is getting to you, my friend, my name is Welfhard.”3

Taking a deep breath Schenck just shook his head as he looked back up at the young man, “No…your name is Joshua Roszman, you were born to parents Eti and Isaac Roszam who was a Jewish businessman in Austria if these papers are true.” He told the young man sadly as he handed them over.4

Joshua could feel panic start to rise within him as he carefully reached out and took the papers in his hand. Skimming he rapidly flipped through them catching key words like : Urgent! Traitor…Jew…Camp. He felt bile building in the back of his throat and as he released the papers letting them fall to the ground his knees buckled and he fell with them relieving his stomach of all its contents. “Ernest…please…” He begged softly once he found his voice again.5

Schenck just watch silently as the levity of everything sank in for his friend and as he called him by his first name he felt his heart break. Getting up from where he sat he carefully pulled Joshua back up to his feet and helped dust him off before offering him some water from his canteen. “You know what I have to do.” He spoke softly as his hand brushed side some of the young man’s hair. Ernest looked into his dark eyes and saw the despair and sorrow building and falling with his tears, “God Joshua,” he muttered in frustration pulling the young man into his arms. “I’ve known you for two years now and you couldn’t have told me?” he cried holding him tightly as if he loosened his grip any they would both fall apart.6

Joshua buried his face against the other’s neck as his tears silently fell. Yes they had known each other for two years, and in spite of the war they had been two amazing years. Josh had changed his name when he had managed to head off to medical school in London. Everywhere you turned it seemed people dislikes and distrusted Jews. Upon his arrival back from college he managed to get a small practice going, but with up coming war he knew his place would be on the front lines helping his fellow Germans as a field doctor. Being near the front lines so much he rarely heard news of the problems with the Jewish community back home, but as more wounded from all over began to pour in he started to realize that maybe keeping quiet about his Jewish heritage was the best thing for him. So, Joshua kept quiet and worked hard saving the lives of men who if they knew the truth about him probably wouldn’t do the same for him; that was of course until he met Feld Bischof Ernest Schenck. 7

Ernest was a priest at the time the war started and although the church didn’t exactly approve of the war Ernest knew he needed to be out there with the soldiers to help them keep their faith strong. Like most chaplains he was assigned to a small field hospital where he met with several of the doctors the youngest of those being Welfhard. Theirs was an awkward friendship at the start. Welfhard and his belief in only science and medicine to save the men and Ernest and his belief in their spiritual salvation meant more than anything science or medicine could do for them. Over time they began to except each other points of views with at least a mutual respect and Ernest was shocked with how well his young doctor seemed to know the bible, well at least the old testament, he could quote scriptures and entire passages as if he himself had written them and therefore knew every word. 8

They had formed a bond unlike anything the two had ever experienced. It was deep, far beyond a simple friendship two men could share; it was more than just the sharing of their intellect. Theirs was a meshing of two souls, a melding of hearts. Had the circumstances under which they had met or the time in which they lived been different they might never have known each other they way they did, for surly their religious social code would not allow. Denial was of course their first reaction. They tried their best to steer clear of the other, but anytime their eyes met, or their hands brushed, they could not control the small flutter in their hearts. Finally when neither of them could stand the space between them any longer they gave into the desires of their flesh. After the wave of their first passion began to die down and they lay gazing into each other’s faces they knew that no one could ever take away form them what they had found. Never would they believe that what they did was wrong, or that it was meaningless, or some lie…no in the middle of some crazed war, that neither really understood anymore, they had found love, true, pure, soul mate love.9

But with the arrival of papers that now scattered the cold floor of the church all of that was at an end. Welfhard was dead and in his place stood Joshua, a Jew. 10

Joshua lifted his tear stained face and looked back at his lover with sad eyes, “What should I have told you Ernest? That I am a worthless Jew? I…” His questions were silenced as the warm heated lips of his lover. There was a need and urgency in this kiss; once broken Joshua looked back at his love with questioning eyes.11

“Joshua...you’ve got to leave.” He spoke softly as he brushed his hands over his poor friends face. “If you stay here they will send you to one of those camps and you know as well as I do that nothing good happens there to anyone.” Letting go of Joshua for a moment he rummaged through his uniform pockets before pulling out some more papers, “Here, these are travel papers…I called in a few favors now please just take these and go, now.” He urged.12

“I can’t just leave…they sent me out here to get you they’ll know that you…”13

Ernest just nodded, “They are on their way to get you…I was the bait, leave now or you will never get another chance. Besides, I’ll be fine…I have God on my side.” He winked.14

Joshua could tell what he was thinking and he just shook his head, “No you can’t.” Trucks could be heard in the distance as they both turned and looked toward the door. 15

Forcing the papers into his hand Ernest quickly ushered him out the back of the church. Grabbing hold of his hand he pulled him back in for one last stolen kiss, “I love you,” he smiled before pushing he love back on his way out into the woods. 16

Hearing the trucks stop outside the church he walked back into the main nave and looked at the large crucifix still hanging silently looking down on him. The figure that hung upon it looked sad and cold and throughout all that had happend that figure had remained silent. “Forgive me father, for your servant has sinned…” pausing he slowly pulled out his Lugar looking down at it, “But…I would do it all over again if given the chance.” Swiftly he placed the cold barrel to his temple and pulled the trigger. 17