What Happened Was...

I tried pretending it wasn’t happening, but I was never good at lying, not even to myself. I tried blaming others, but I just felt like a liar all over again, then I tried blaming myself, I feel like shit when I do, but it feels better then blaming others. It probably was my fault in the long run anyway--- actually, I can prove to myself that it was my fault…1

My Mum probably would not have left if I hadn’t stolen that car with a friend when I was nine, she would have stayed with us a little longer if I hadn’t done drugs, I was only ten, what did I know?2

She came back after two years, said she was sorry for leaving, I don’t think she was, I think she left because she had to. I can’t blame anybody else. My brother didn’t do anything wrong, the only time he went to a correctional boot camp was because he was framed for thieving, but I knew he didn’t do it because I was with him the entire day, but they couldn’t take my vow because I was a criminal.3

When she did come back, she was with us for five months before she was diagnosed with cancer and died--- though she told US that she was ‘just diagnosed’, but she wasn’t, she had had cancer for three years and we never knew.4

I got angry and got into a brawl with some pinhead from Bronx two years after we moved to America when I was twelve; he had moved here and was going to school with me, he said I was a fag so I decked him--- then I decked him again and again and again; he wasn’t moving, someone pulled me off, I don’t know who. Next thing I knew I was in the same fucking correctional boot camp my brother went to.5

Since it had not been that long since my other crimes, they could pull stupid shit since it was still in my current record, like steeling something from me because I stole something from someone else, so that I would know what it felt like, but I already knew what it felt like. I had my entire fucking life stolen from me.6

The funny part it, when I was in the boot camp, they’d beat on me and the others, and some would start crying, some would get mad and start yelling, but them beating on me and calling me shit, was no different then at home, though the food was worse, the treatment was nothing different. The only difference was, was that they couldn’t hit have as hard as my dad could, they had to use crops and shit to even do anything. It still hurt, aye, but it was like fucking daycare there. 7

Their screaming at me all the time, smacking me around, but it really wasn’t different then every day for me. The only thing that got me pissed was when they took my chainlace of the goddess Figg that my Mum gave to me when I was small. I tried to get it back, it fell and broke. I still have the chain, but the small porcelain figure of the goddess Figg, shattered.8

I hit the bloke that grabbed it, broke his nose--- I don’t even remember what happened next because of how hard they hit me.9

I think I was the only bloke there that stayed the entire time and was worse then I was when I came in, but I didn’t drop out, so that was something I guess.10

Anyone who has known me long enough to know what goes on at home, always tells me to stand up to my dad, to hit him back, but they really don’t understand. I’ve tried to stand up to him. I even hit him once, it left a bruise on his rib, but it didn’t hurt him. Hitting my dad is fucking suicidal, all I remember after that was him slamming my face into the coffee table a few times. After that--- there’s nothing. I don’t remember anything that happened for weeks after that.11

So I learned to just take it, when I get the money I’ll leave, sure, but right now I might as well stick it out, there’s nothing anyone can do really.12

I still have a fucking long record for someone my age though… way too fucking long.13

And for the record, it’s better if you don’t say anything about me standing up to my dad in anyway, if I need to I will, but if I don’t, I can take the hits. 14

Here, let me put it into a visual for you… It’s like combining Hulk Hogan and John Cina with an SAS, then putting them up against Orlando Bloom… you can see the after math already can’t you.15

Thee Fucking End16