The Jade Dragon, chapter 11 (end)

At Odds to Find Balance
Summary: The Moment of Truth is here.
Warnings: Sap, fluff, drama, cuteness and emotional torment. The usual.1

--2

When Miguel began to shiver with cold, Vane reluctantly pulled away from the embrace. “Come on, let’s get inside.” His hands slipped to Miguel’s forearms as he looked up at Miguel and he rushed to add, “I mean, if I may?”3

“Idiot,” Miguel muttered gruffly and pulled him along, barely remembering to pick up the pizza box, Vane snatching up the coke bottle, before leading the way inside.4

Vane followed meekly, not certain what was going to happen. Miguel had hugged him and that was certainly a good sign. The ‘came to me’ bit was also more than a little encouraging. But things could still get ugly and fast if he wasn’t careful. Leonora called him a nice guy… but he didn’t have squat over Miguel. And just like him if Miguel was done with the crap or lost his temper then nothing was going to make this better.5

The hot blast of the indoor heating hit him and he set the bottle down on the hall table. He stripped off his boots, realised he’d forgotten his bag in his bike top box but couldn’t be bothered to go fetch it since that would be presumptuous of him all over again. He slid his jacket off and only then realised that Miguel was watching him, quiet and still, brows furrowed.6

“Miguel?” He asked softly, “Something wrong?”7

“You…” He shook his head and instead of answering, asked, “Have you eaten?”8

“No, actually.” He rubbed at his helmet hair where it still stuck to his scalp, “I was busy looking for you. And then I came straight here.”9

Nodding, Miguel kicked off his muddy carpet slippers and dried his feet on one of the floor towels then turned down the hall, “Let me heat this up for you then and you can eat.”10

Gear set aside, Vane snatched up the coke again and followed. The hallway led to a kitchen toward the back, past archways that opened into a sitting room, a side room and the dining room. A few shut doors along the way must be bedrooms and a bath. It was a large, beautiful place, startlingly well kept for a house no one really lived in. In the kitchen, a bar-like counter with matching barstools separated the main kitchen area from a little breakfast nook directly across from the door. Miguel went round it and to the oven, switching it on and going about his task. Vane settled on a barstool and set the coke down, still moving as quietly as possible.11

Mrr? A cat nuzzled at Vane’s ankle. Startled, he blinked at it. Dark grey fur and silver eyes, the cat was lovely, mewing demandingly and he bent to pet it.12

“I don’t think you should--” Miguel began.13

“Hi there, beautiful,” Vane murmured, forgetting his tension, offering his hand for a cursory sniff before scrubbing his fingertips along the cat’s head and down her spine. She meowed loudly at him then bumped her head to his hand, demanding more. “Yes, yes, whatever you wish.” He could only see Miguel’s legs from his position practically under the bar counter but he spoke up, “I didn’t know you had a cat here. Who takes care of her when you’re all away?”14

“She’s… self-sufficient,” Miguel replied slowly, coming around the counter. When he came into view, he had an odd look on his face. “She’s also not normally so friendly.”15

Vane played with the cat, felt it as a great portion of the weight on his heart eased as he enjoyed this little encounter. He rubbed her belly when she flopped over, “What’s her name?”16

“Pasht,” Miguel replied, frowning at the cat’s antics.17

“Appropriate name,” Vane commented. “Her silver eyes look like twin moons. Most people would have just used the more common version, Bastet.”18

“You know Egyptian cat lore?” Miguel seemed a little startled.19

“Not much,” Vane admitted. He smiled at Pasht, gave her a last apologetic pet then stood. He looked at Miguel and pointedly said, “I don’t know much about anything. I’m kind of stupid like that.”20

Miguel’s face darkened a little, the sadness returning to it. “And now?”21

“I’m…” Vane didn’t know where to start. “I’m not going to make a lot of sense but I have some things to say so can… can you please just listen and then ask me questions later? Or throw me out, whatever.”22

With a sigh, Miguel pulled his gaze away. It was when he folded his arms defensively against his chest that Vane began to despair. 23

“Migs, please,” he begged. “I know I’m an idiot but I really… I really don’t want to lose you.”24

Startled, Miguel’s eyes snapped back to his. He seemed confused when he said, “I don’t understand.”25

From the beginning wasn’t going to work, Vane knew suddenly. Start with the now and the details could follow. “I came to find you because I don’t want you to leave me.” He shook his head, “I shouldn’t have let you go when you came to visit at hockey practice, there were things I should have said but didn’t. And what I did say was horrible. I hurt you, I know I did and I’m sorry.” Frustrated, he shoved a hand into his hair, tousling it nervously. “All along I’ve said stupid things and did even more insane things on top of that.”26

“Did Leonora turn you down?” Miguel didn’t even look angry as he asked, just defeated, his shoulders sagging.27

“What? No!” Vane stalked over to him, hands gripping at Miguel’s upper arms and squeezing, trying to get Miguel to understand. “I haven’t spoken to her about this since you left. I couldn’t!” He shook Miguel, forcing the folded arms to come undone, “You’re not my second choice.”28

“I was always your second choice,” Miguel refuted, irritation colouring his face. “I was always the one good enough to kiss but not good enough to love!”29

“I--” Vane couldn’t say those words. He couldn’t say he loved Miguel. “I said I loved Leonora.” Miguel glared at him. “It’s not true.” Confusion diffused his desperation and it also coloured Miguel’s expression now, wiping the glare away. He released Miguel, stepping back until he leaned against the counter. He repeated slowly, honestly, “It’s not true. I don’t… I’m not in love with her.”30

Miguel nodded in acknowledgement. But he tiredly leaned back on the opposite counter and murmured, “What do you want, then?”31

“I just know I don’t want you out of my life,” Vane replied quickly, meaning every word. He gestured, “I didn’t realise it soon enough. But when you were gone, I felt the loss.” He rubbed his forehead, “I’m stupid like that. I’m sorry. Did I mention I’m sorry?”32

Miguel rolled his eyes but a small smile tugged his lips.33

“Look, I don’t have all the answers.” I wish I did. “I can’t tell you how you feel.” Only you can decide that. “But I can tell you how I feel.” Miguel’s lips quirked at his own words being used on him and Vane pushed, “You have my trust, you have my friendship and I’m attracted to you.”34

Miguel asked softly, “I don’t understand why you’re saying this, coming after me when you were the one to turn me away. What is it that you want from me?”35

Vane considered his answer carefully, studying Miguel’s face all the while as he pulled his words together, “I think… I’ve been wrong about a lot of things all along. I didn’t know… I still don’t know… what I’ve been pushing away. And now, I want to know. If you’ll let me, I want to know.” 36

“I’m not quite sure what else you want me to give,” Miguel breathed quietly, looking hopeful and sad and eager yet scared all at the same time.37

“Then let me give.” Vane wondered how he had tortured this young man for so long. A corner of his lips hitched up in a half smile and he breathed in deeply, pushing the tension from his body as he exhaled. “Don’t worry, Migs,” he said quietly. “I won’t push or anything. I just want… I want to be near you. If I say no, I want it to be because I know what I’m doing. And if you say no, then it should be because it didn’t work.”38

“You’re…” Miguel tensed, standing a little straighter, uncertain but wanting not to be. “You’re willing to… to try?”39

“It took my idiot best friend pointing it out,” Vane admitted. “But you deserve for me to try. You deserve for me to keep trying right up to a last ditch effort if I have to.” Smiling sheepishly, “Not that I’m saying I’m just trying because for God’s sake it’s not like that at all.” He gestured emphatically and earnestly insisted, “I want to do this. I mean, I… I really like being with you, I don’t want you to leave me.” He grumbled a moment, “And how many time do I have to tell you I don’t want you to leave me?” Then he teased a little hysterically, “And the kisses! I really like the kisses--”40

Miguel charged at him suddenly, expression darkly determined, pushing him along the counter to thump against the wall and-- Yes, they were very good.41

Vane reached up and braced his hands on Miguel’s shoulders, opening his mouth into it, leaned up into the taller frame, breathed in the scent of salt and sun that always clung to Miguel. He gave in to the warm hand cradling his chin, the arms pulling him closer, and the hot body cradling him tenderly and safe.42

He tasted hope in the kiss, so strong he felt his own worries slip slowly away. Tension drained from him, down and out and away… replaced by a new pressure, one so much hotter, more intense than before. He recognised the symptoms, his brain working belatedly, drugged by the heat and scent and feel of Miguel.43

Miguel.44

Passion stoked, he returned the kisses with as determined fervour as he received, wanting Miguel to feel this way too, to share the perfection of this lovemaking. His hands moved almost on their own, stroking over the broad back so much larger, thicker than he had ever had under his hands save for with this man.45

“Vane,” Miguel sighed, groaning softly before diving back to kiss him some more.46

Vane moaned at the renewed assault, pressing closer, unbearably conscious of every point of contact from chest to shins and still wanting more. 47

Miguel pulled up from the kiss and they panted at each other, sighed then leaned lower to brush kisses against up along Vane’s jaw.48

Breathless and shaking with desire, Vane reiterated, “Yes. Very. Good.”49

Miguel chuckled, nuzzling at his throat and murmured. “This is war, you know.”50

“I know.” Vane shuddered when Miguel licked along his collar bones, arms slipping over Miguel’s high shoulders and holding fast. “I get it. I know what this means. I don’t quite get how I feel but I know what this means.”51

“I want all of you,” Miguel growled, hands tightening possessively. “I don’t want to ever let you go.” He bit down, making Vane tense, arch and gasp. “I will demand everything there is of you so long as you let me. Do you understand me, Vane?”52

Vane whimpered but repeated, “I know.”53

Raising his head, Miguel stared down into Vane’s eyes, his gaze hard and intense. “I’ll claim it all. Bind you to me so you can’t leave me.” Then the expression softened, “It’s enough for me, for now, that you came to me.” Softly, stroking a fingertip over Vane’s cheek, “I want to make you happy.”54

“You’ll have to teach me how I can reciprocate, you understand,” Vane said, hands finally moving and seeking out the warmth of Miguel’s skin, sliding down his hard chest over his clothes then up under his shirt and exploring a little. “This isn’t a game. I’m in this too.”55

“Dragon,” Miguel all but sighed, “You make me so very happy simply saying such things. I thought this day might never come.” His hands stroked firmly over Vane’s back and hips, his very body cradling Vane in his hold.56

“I’m sorry,” Vane murmured, hands clenching a little over the smooth warmth he’d finally touched. “I’m doing my best. I don’t know myself what I can give but I want to be here. I want to be in your arms and I want… God, I want to touch you…” Half in awe he slipped his fingertips back and around to the base of Miguel’s spine, slid it into the dip there then trailed upward.57

Miguel reacted immediately, arching but pressing into the touch, a little gasp escaping his lips. He smiled gently, a touch of embarrassment in it and said, “I’ve been dreaming a long time of you touching me. Even when we kissed your hands never wandered. Pulled me closer and clung to me, slipped into my hair but never—”58

The rest of the words were lost to a soft moan as Vane skimmed his hands downward to the rise of Miguel’s backside, palms cupping around slender hipbones and pulling him closer.59

Breathlessly, “Vane—”60

“I guess I have a lot to make up to you.” With a devilish grin, Vane leaned in and pressed off the wall and into Miguel, pushing up on his toes and closing his lips over Miguel’s.61

He felt pretty certain he would never tire of the heat in Miguel’s kisses, the languid way the Spaniard kissed, the large basketball-player’s hands that gripped him tightly, not the least bit gentle now, yanking him all the closer. Flush against each other it was hard not to know how the kisses were affecting them.62

Groaning he submit to the passion of it. Miguel angled his head and kissed him back hard as though starved for the ardour. When he stroked his hand high on Miguel’s back, shirt riding up on his wrist, his other hand slipped over Miguel’s stomach and waist, eliciting a sighing moan he took into his mouth. The reaction made him clench, aroused by it and wanting more--63

“We have to stop,” Vane panted, breaking the kiss. “This is getting way out of hand.” But neither he nor Miguel moved from where they had pressed up against each other wrapped in each other’s warmth, propped up by the wall.64

“I thought you said you would make this up to me?” The pout didn’t look quite right on such a large guy but the mussed-up wavy hair and flushed cheeks made up for it and gave the expression a kind of cuteness factor.65

Vane chuckled, “I will.” He leaned up and kissed Miguel again, slowly and languidly, a wind-down from their mad make-out. When he pulled away, “You free tomorrow?”66

“Perfectly,” Miguel returned cheerfully. “Just tell me we’re going out.”67

Obligingly, “We’re going out.”68

“A date!” Miguel cheered. He smiled warmly down at Vane and said softly, “I want to date you. I always wanted…” His face fell a little, unhappy memories clouding his face.69

“Hey,” Vane squeezed him reassuringly, “It’s okay. We’ll make it better from now on.”70

“I don’t want to be someone you try out, Dragon,” Miguel said quietly, growling the words a little. “I know you said you’d try and you said it’s not just trying but I wish…”71

Nodding understandingly, Vane shifted his arms and hugged Miguel, pressing his nose into Miguel’s collarbone and feeling like he fit when his head tucked under a tall chin. “We’ll work this out.” He squeezed Miguel a moment, “Every moment I stay like this is another moment that feels right, like I’ve made a very good decision. I don’t think being with you ever felt not right.”72

“We’re going to have to work this out in our favour,” Miguel’s hold tightened on him. “Because I won’t let you go, Vane. I’m sorry but I won’t.”73

“You know what?” Vane considered his feelings, the warmth spreading in his chest at the words, and the simple joy there was in simply being in Miguel’s arms. “I think that’s just fine by me.”74

Fin.