Invisible

I was late for school again. Sighing, I picked up my rucksack, ran downstairs and headed for the door. I sprinted down the path, hoping I'd make it in time. I was usually accompanied by Jake, my best friend, but today it looked as if he wasn't coming. 1

As I arrived, I saw many people, laughing and chatting. Barging through the gates, I spotted him. Jake was hanging out with Matthew and Jack, the most popular boys in the school. He looked like he was having fun so I decided to catch up with him later and walked inside the building instead.2

Just as I came to my classroom, the bell rang. I hung outside the doorway, keeping an eye out for Jake. I slipped in after him and sat down. He didn't even glance in my direction. 3

At break, I tried to talk to him, ignoring everybody else and accidently bumping into several younger ones in the process. Nothing worked. He didn't seem to notice me anymore. It was as if I was invisible.4

Running down the corridor, I slipped, landing on my knees. They were bleeding now but I didn't care. Nobody did. Tears started to drip from my eyes as I sat down on the grass outside. I had no friends anymore. Everybody was too busy to bother with me. 5

I put my head in my hands and cried heavily. No one understood how it felt to be left out of everything. Even if they were things you didn't want to be involved in, it still makes you feel bad.6

I saw Jake come out with his friends. I stood up, wiped my eyes and tried to wave to him. Still nothing. It was a waste of time. I plodded down the path, hoping that there would be even a little bit more sympathy at home.7

I was wrong. My mum and dad were busy with their jobs so I had to do everything myself. I spread some butter on a piece of toast and shoved it down my throat.8

I plodded up the stairs and flopped down onto my bed. It was no use. My life was officially over. Not even my parents cared for me. I started to cry into my pillow, covering the whole of my bed in tears.

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Comments


  • Otacon
    August 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I'm impressed.

    This is pretty good for someone your age. I've seen stories by people twice your age who have half the grammar that you do.

    However, I think you should continue this.
    A few details you should consider adding:
    What happens to the girl?
    Why can't people see her? Is she just being ignored?
    Where do her parents work?
    How old is she and what does she look like?

    Yep, good job and such.


    • Applepip
      August 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Jesus Lizard

      Yes, I will be continuing this. Thanks.


  • angelaononchan
    August 22, 2008
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    wish you good luck in the contest.


  • angelaononchan
    August 22, 2008

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    Sad, what happened to the girl? You are good at writing sad stories. Must be really sad. Good description