First section: Character Profile1
1. First Name: Edaline2
2. Last Name: Rose3
3. Age: 17 (turning 18 early in book)4
4. Gender: Female5
5. Species: Human6
6. Looks: Dark wavy hair, green eyes, short, and frail. Has a few scars on her wrists. She enjoys wearing comfortable clothing. 7
7. Origin of Personality: Was brokenhearted by her first true love, and lost her father.8
8. Love Interests: People who are true to themselves and do not judge Edaline for her past.9
9. Likes: Reading, photography, adventure, and being with her friends. Dislikes: Those who single others out for stupid reasons, and her father for leaving. 10
10: Virtues: Wishes everyone could live in harmony, despite differences.11
11. Vices: Once slit her wrists from past experiences. (Does not do this anymore.) 12
12. Ambition: To return to her normal life again and eventually searches for her father.13
13. Conflict: In love with a vampire, and keeping it hidden from her mother and best friends.14
14. Callings: Wishes to major in Photography.15
15. Additional Notes: Edaline Rose lives with her mother in a small neighborhood in the outskirts of main Boston. She works part-time during the summer at a bookstore downtown. For three years, she was under a great deal of heartache and depression, which included seeing a shrink, Dr. Nathaniel. When she began to heal, she no longer needed to see Dr. Nathaniel. Her two best friends are Youla and Nevaeh.16
Second Section: Sample Scene17
I grabbed the books I needed for my next class and rushed to the Government classroom. Being back in school for my senior year, was invigorating. The familiar scents, the familiar voices, and the familiar paths that I once forgot filled my daily routine. For the past three years, I was cooped up inside everyday, sheltered by the high school drama that screamed 'danger' for a relapse. Mom wasn't ready to see me silting my writs again, so she agreed immediately to Dr. Nathaniel's orders. 18
Dr. Nathaniel was my psychiatrist. A middle-aged, kind man, who knew me like my own father. That fact scared me each time I thought of it. My own father left my mother and I two years ago. His leaving only made my heartache and depression deepen, which caused the longer healing time.19
I sat in my usual seat next to my friend Nevaeh. My dark wavy hair stuck to the static-filled plastic chair as I sat down. I pulled the ends of my jacket sleeves over my cold hands and folded them in my lap. 20
"Hey, Nev." I said cheerily. Seeing my normal perky mood returning always made people's day. 21
"Yo." Typical Nevaeh, too into her book to even look at me. I laughed silently to myself and stared to the front of the room, ready for class. It always made my day to see things were finally returning back to normal.22
Mr. Cawthon's lecture had me drifting in and out of sleep. My frail arms couldn't keep me up any longer as I gave into the heavy feeling. My green eyes shut themselves out of the bright, florescent light, and I drifted into sleep. I dreamt of my vampire lover who waited for me in his own classroom down the hallway. I dreamt of being able to reach up and kiss him once class was over, to be safe, and to be with him.23
Third Section: Link24
http://storywrite.com/story/194634 [Chapter One]25
Author notes
This was my first try at something like this, so I appologize if anything doesn't fit the requirements. Please tell me if there is anything odd, and I will gladly straighten it out. Thanks! :]
A contest entry
- Character profiles by Prodigious.Mirth.
550 points, ended September 30, 2008, 30 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Novels - Your Character by tallblondie.
900 points, ended September 20, 2008, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I think this is an interesting character you are developing here and totally agree with NosferatuWoman about that hook at the end.
My only peice of advice would be (hope it does not sound like if i am nitpicking): When writing, it is good to get out of the bounds of conventionality, but you have to remember that certain word combinations, phrases and devices evoke pretty strong conventional thoughts or reactions in the reader. For example when I was reading about Edaline's Origin of Personality and you used the phrasing "lost her father", I immediately made a connection and thought he was dead. I dont think you have a real problem with that but especially for where I think your writing style is developing, you may to watch for that cause it can potentially hamper your ability to get the message you wnat across.
And maybe even if you do use phrasing that would normally raise a traditional response, once you are conscious of this you can put in other markers in the rest of the words or paragraphs or whatever surrounding it that point to the fact that you want them to think about it differently.
Sorry that its been long but i try to give a little piece of critical review so that my comment is worth something. I think I would like to definitely see how you develope Edaline beyond this profile. Keep writing.
Blessings
Raeyle -
Hmm, Edaline seems like an iteresting character, one that I would probably read about. Good job =DD
-dani -
She shounds very interesting indeed adn i would love to read about her further! Great job on this! She seemed real to me!
Rian -
Thank you for entering the contest 'Novels - Your Character' - I hope the contest has helped you understand your character better.
Edaline is an interesting character - but I felt that the profile lacked depth - for instance - what made her slit her wrists in the past? Has she been judged in the past? Why was she so broken-hearted? -
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I understand your questions. Its somewhat a 'secret' the book lets out. I don't like to go into detail to explain it for those who want to read it.Lol. But I explained the reason for Brokenhearted (by her first true love and her father) so yeah.
Anyway, thank you so much for HM!!! And congrats to the other winners!!
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Nice nice nice! I liked the hook at the end of your sample (but I am a total vampire addict) heh heh. Your writing is smooth and error free. Good job!
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Yay! Thank you so much! (Yeah, obviously I'm a vampire addict, too. Lol.)
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I think this was really well set out to be quiet honest with you, and was ideally what I was looking for. I loved the fact that at the end you gave not a snippet, but a "Sample" a small taste of your character and that inspired me greatly, so top marks for that.
You managed to stay under 3000 words, so I do thank you for reading the rules and taking the time to add your entry into my contest, That again is greatly appreciated.
I like to ask all of my entry writers, to share with me just what inspired them to write this story and this character as I guess a further way to judge the contest so if you could let me know that, then that would be a huge appreciation.
I loved the little "Sample", it was written well, it caught my attention, kept me wanting to read more and she was someone I could connect with.
I did chuckle howver seemings my best friends name is nathaniel !! it made for a great,read.
I would have to also Thank tall Blondie for hosting the contest that I assume gave you the guidelines to structure your profile.
Again thank you for a brilliant read- I enjoyed it throughly !!!
GOOD LUCK IN BOTH CONTESTS
blair ~ Blake
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O.O oh my....
Wow, thank you so, so much for your generous comment! I honestly did not expect something like this for a character I created. XD
I would gladly tell you the inspiration behind my story and character. But I'm sorta busy with school and extracurriculars right now, so I promise to find time in the next few days! ^^
Thank you again!
~NekoFelix
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