Chapter 11
"Cole! Hurry up we need to get to the mall fast if we ever want to get those shoes for me." Sarah said screaming up to Cole. "I'm coming. They are just a pair of stupid shoes." Cole said. "Well they are important to me." Sarah said. "Yeah and I'm not important to you at all." Cole said. "Exactly, now lets go." Sarah said. Sarah and Cole left to go to the mall.2
"Hey Chris are you ready to go to the mall?" Starr asked. "Oh sweetie I'm not feeling too well how about we go next week?" Chris asked. "It's okay." Starr said. She knew what he was really going to do. He would leave a go to Tiffany's house. That little skank he's cheating on her with. Starr left and just cried. She wanted to leave him but was afraid og what he would do to her. He makes her bloody and gives her bruises even if she is a minute late. She could only imagine what he would do if she would leave him.3
Sarah and Cole got to the mall 10 minutes later. "Hey Cole I'm going to run into the lingerie store. Are you going?" Sarah asked. "I'd rather not." Cole said. Sarah left to go in the store and Cole walked over to Rick's Dogs to grab some food. He was hungry. Then he literally ran into Starr his highschool sweetheart. "Ouch!" Starr said. She had so many bruises it was sometimes hard to walk. Then she looked up and noticed it was Cole. "I'm so sorry." Cole said and then looked up and noticed it was Starr. "Am I dreaming is it really you Cole?" Starr asked. "Well I'm the original Cole Thornhart." Cole said smiling. Starr hugged Cole as tight as she possibly could. "I'm glad to see you too." Cole said trying to breathe. Then when Starr let go he noticed bruises on her chest. "I'm sorry Cole I just really missed you." Starr said.4
Then Sarah came back out. "Well are you going to introduce me or not?" Sarah asked. "I'd rather not."Cole said under his breath. Starr let out a giggle,its the first she has laughed in months. "It's okay I need to leave." Starr said. She walked away with a tear in her hear. Cole thought I need to really help her she is going to get hurt really bad one of these days. "That girl looked like a hooker." Sarah asked. "Starr is not a hooker!" Cole said yelling at Sarah."Well she looks like it with all her scratches and bruises." Sarah said. "Well she is not and if you ever say something like that again I will leave you." Cole said very pissed off. 5
Comments
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This is different, I like the plot to it. Although I think that there are some things that you could work on if you want to.
I was reading and was slightly bored, because there wasn't a lot of emotion in the voices. You could have ment to, but it doesn't sound like it because the two words that you used is 'said' and 'asked', which gets boring after a while.
It would also make it easier for the read to read if you made a new paragraph for each time someone speaks.
Good read, can't wait to see how the plot unfolds.
~Kate-kat
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omjjjj great start i feel so bad for starr sarah is stupid *shee looks like a hooker* well look at randi lol he should leave her teehee update asap
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