ENRIQUE1
It was a chilly October morning, well into the new school term and early in second grade when Gregory met Enrique. Enrique was a “new boy.” He had come from Venezuela and spoke no English. His frustration showed, although none in the class seemed to understand just what it was that made him so bellicose. He clowned, he lashed out; he fought. Enrique’s default expression was a defiant, perhaps defensive, mien. And soon he enjoyed the designation “toughest kid in the class.” He was seen as sullen and tough, and perhaps even feared, because he communicated on a physical level, as spontaneously called into play as was the casual verbal barrage from any local boy or girl. But there was no verbal level on which Enrique stood. None of us spoke Spanish and this much he knew. So Enrique kept a scowl on his face in his guarded isolation.2
His world was unique and private. Gregory recalled watching him fondle a grayish ball, one afternoon, rolling it between his palms, occasionally taking a small nip at it. At first Enrique refused to reveal what it was but with annoying persistence Gregory eventually learned the grayish ball was something many in that second grade class had never heard of before, called Turkish Taffy. Enrique savored it. When Gregory located the stuff for a nickel on a candy stand some time later he was surprised to find it was flat, not a ball, and pure white, not gray. How Enrique had created his off-white taffy ball might’ve remained a mystery but for the fact that his constant handling and pocketing of the thing made deducing dirt as the culprit an easy leap.3
Love of Turkish Taffy, it turned out, was not sufficient ground for camaraderie between Enrique and Gregory. Enrique had been the center of several disruptive incidents in class, enough of them for Gregory, a retiring and quiet boy, to consider him fair game as the bad guy, when Enrique tripped the white-shirt-clad boy one Assembly morning. Gregory, his shirt and red tie soiled from contact on the dirty floor, stood up and shoved back at Enrique who slipped and fell against one of the fastened-to-the-floor desks, hitting his eyebrow on the corner. Enrique’s skin split and he bled. And there was considerable blood. It had been a short tussle and hardly a fight but Gregory felt somehow that he had “won” it, whatever “it” was.4
Touching his hand to his mussed blond hair Gregory didn’t think or bother to point out the whole incident had ended in what really was an accident. Enrique had slipped. It seemed better, more heroic, to leave it at simply having "beaten the bully". After all, Enrique had started it. But had anyone seen that? This did not, however, seem to matter very much. It did not matter to Enrique. It did not matter to the teacher; worst of all, it did not matter at all to Gregory’s classmates.5
Enrique was on his way to the nurse with blood coming from the area around his eye. Gregory had never drawn blood before. What a victory! But, suddenly the boy found himself not a hero, but very much a pariah. The girls refused to speak to him. They turned away from him. He was scorned. He was accused. It took what seemed like hours for the whispering and the finger pointing to stop.6
But when Enrique came back to class that day with a large, square bandage over his eyebrow it started all over again: the whispering, the pointing, even a request on the part of one of the girls to change her seat. And the stigma lasted for days; until the thing, Enrique’s bandage, came off. Even then, Enrique’s little scar served as a reminder of the mishap on that Assembly morning and Gregory’s misdeed. Gregory was always to remember, thereafter, how quickly sympathies can turn; how fickle are the sentiments of the group, how without reason, or thought or basis, blame can spring.7
A few weeks later Enrique gradually became known as Henry.8
A contest entry
- ? by Boakai.
100 points, ended December 17, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 47 of 47
-
Very nice! As always, written with class and read with sympathy
Don't really have much to complain, other than the language being a bit difficult for me sometimes.
Oh yeah.. I didn't get why Enrique would be known as Henry? Some historical reference maybe?
Thanks for entering and best of luck! -
For the most part, people are fickle-minded. The one who was feared is then sympathized with while the one who defeats the villain is then despised.
How fickle are you if you mindlessly follow what others do?
I find it interesting how accepting people are. I'm not saying it's a bad thing but sometimes, people quickly forget being wronged. Other times, they take it to the grave.
This is a good story that shows how quickly people change their minds and how like Gregory, we must never forget that.
-
Can't believe I forgot applause
-
this story made me want Turkish Taffy, made me remember the fickle mob policies of grade school, and wonder if big city schools are more fun than the country bumpkin classrooms I attended growing up.
-
I'm still a child, and I have it good, although I generally complain about the thigns I want and do not have.
But its greed, and everyone has it. =\
Very nice read, though.
~Rin
-
Being a kid is so tough.
Enjoyed the read very much, thanks. I have to look up at least one word with every one of your stories! Almost makes it work, except the writing is excellent, of course.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
its really good!!!!!
-
A good story, I hadn't been here in a while--like what you did with the place.
language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
A fine short story of assimilation into a foreign culture. Had a few experiences with that myself. A well written read.
Happy trails.
-
great job, as usual.
-
I totally agree with the underneath comments. This was well written and very realistic. However, there were parts being a bit confusing. I'm not skilled in this language, so I might just have misunderstood, but it looked like you missed some words at places. Also, there were like a million words I didn't get. I'm sure my incompletion as an English-speaker is to blame, though.
-
Very good. As always.
And yech at the taffy...
-
Gregory was a fantastic character, really brought some spirit and conflict into your piece. Really well written, great description and flow. Nice work.
-
Excellent
Wow, that was really brilliant. I would buy your book if you actually did produce one. Poor Gregory- it's a shame that generally reserved boys get prejudiced even more easily in situations as such but yeah, we all know it happens. Quoting you, yeah, I will always "remember, thereafter, how quickly sympathies can turn; how fickle are the sentiments of the group, how without reason, or thought or basis, blame can spring." How true. Gosh, your piece of work is like a classic literature! I subconsciously actually started analyzing your writing and characters like how I do with literature.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
A very interesting story from my (unpaid) writing teacher
This is yet another fine story, dealing with sociology; always side with the bully unless you can beat him.
It is a strange quirk of human nature that when a bully, who is hated by everyone, is beaten, the bully becomes a 'hero' and the victor takes the previous bully's place. When you think about it, quite a lot of people hated Cassius Clay but loved Mohammed Ali and yet, other than change of name, he was the same person with the same beliefs and he became loved by the public AFTER losing. Strange old world ain't it?
I can only think Enrique's name change to the anglicised version was made by the pupils as they became his friends, or he changed it himself after learning enough of the language to do so and to help him 'fit in' as kids must do with their peers.
A fascinating little story from a master wordsmith who has, once again, proved his versatility
Lawrie
-
Well well this was pretty good
A very intereting story, but what exactly happened in the end. Did he change is name or did another student come that was exactly like enrique???
-
This was a very good story and one which I think can quite easily be sorted out. When Enrique was the bully in the class, everyone knew that and kinda tried to better themselves with him so they could make their own situation comfortable, but when he accidently fell and injured himself after his tussle with gregory, everyone turned on Gregory, because they thought that if they didn't, the tough boy would turn on them. Well, that is the gist of what I figured out. It is it seems human nature to protect oneself by siding with the bully. I liked this story and wonder whether there is a follow up to it....Congrats on winning.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
I don't understand the significance of Henry...am I missing something? I thought the reaction to the fight between Gregory and Enrique was original, though hard to imagine in reality. However I realize that depending on the setting and/or time period of this story, it would be a reasonable reaction. Either way, the story was well-written. Finalist list.
-
Luckily I take Spanish (one level above my actual 'suggested level' for my grade) and knew that Enrique meant Henry. I can see how people could be confused by that if they had no knowledge of espanol. I think this story shows how quickly allegiances and liking someone can change even by a simple misunderstood accident. And then Enrique is called Henry, marking the beginning of melting into the cultural melting pot and becoming like 'everyone else' with a normal, all-American name. Or it could just be a good short story. =)
-
I didn't see if there was any significance to the last line. I actually really liked this piece. It's small and yet so very true. Especially in that age. x___x
Great write.
-HT
-
-
Answer to Tiger-Lily's Query
This is for everyone who may not have understood the significance of the last line. It was not there just for poetic, metric, balance...or for "literary" effect! lol!
Enrique is Spanish for Henry. After this incident, some "assimilation" into the class, the school and the culture, Enrique became accepted, adopted the English name of, and was ever afterward known as...Henry.
GA
-
-
This is ... fantastic! I love this soo much. It's beautiful the way you described many things about the chracters, and about Enrique, and his physical frustration of not being able to speak the same language of his classmates, which is a terrible childhood problem I can very well relate to. I love many parts in the story, especially;
Love of Turkish Taffy, it turned out, was not sufficient ground for camaraderie between Enrique and Gregory. Enrique had been the center of several disruptive incidents in class, enough of them for Gregory, a retiring and quiet boy, to consider him fair game as the bad guy, when Enrique tripped the white-shirt-clad boy one Assembly morning.
There's just something quite intriguing about that paragraph. This is overall a good peice, and I hope that you would write more Enrique stories becuause this almost seems like a seuence of stories about a little boy that didn't know how to be accepted.
Very good, I applaud you.
Olinda -
Great!
I loved how you described the characters in this story. Enrique seemed like a little boy who just wanted to be understood--He probably felt as if he didn't fit in due to the language barrier between him and his American classmates,so he expressed his emotions through anger. Gregory, to me, was a bit curious about the new kid and wanted to befriend him sort of, but things didn't turn out as he'd planned. The story was great, very interesting to read!!=)
-
This story is very descriptive. I enjoyed the characters because they each were individual. Please either write more or direct me to more Enrique stories! This is great writing and I would like to read more of your work.
-
Do you have any more on Enrique? This seems like a great introduction to some really interesting stuff.
This story completely drew me in. It's perfectly realistic with regard to school atmosphere and new kid/bully behavior. I felt as if I were there watching "it" happen.
The taffy ball was so disgustingly realistic, too. It quite grossed me out! Unfortunately reminded me of similar incidents with my younger brothers. Yick!
Loved the story!!
-
That was simply brilliant... Inditing par excellence. I liked your style... And not the forget, the emotions... It was a pleasure reading this!
Keep writing, dude.
Peace, and have a nice day.
-
This is a puzzle to me, and I like puzzles. It perhaps involves an initiation or assimilation involving the active participation of both parties, who both affect and are affected. It is a perhaps necessarily difficult process in this rough and tumble world, and I don't know if I would want things to be otherwise. A common theme in advertising is that people all over the world can overcome cultural barriers by sharing a soft drink or a hamburger or something similar (taffy, perhaps?), but of course it is not that easy. I wonder if Enrique's taffy was actually dirty, or was chocolate flavored and so would be colored. I wonder if Henry and Gregory ever became friends, or if that is even important. Intrigueing story. Normally I wouldn't comment without having a better grasp, but I remember Turkish taffy, which I believe was made by the Bonomo company, or at least that's what we had here in New Hampshire. I must have eaten a ton of it. Even if it was available today, I couldn't eat it now without pulling the caps off my teeth, but I remember it well.
-
Good job! Keep writing!
-
Now this is more like the Dave I know.
This story is magnificent a genuine good write. Gimme some more like this.
-
Leaving the days of being a handyman behind me, I have finally got around to reading your shortie!
As expected, this story was presented in a simplistic manner (I liked how somebody in an earlier comment referred to it as 'newspaper prose' - while, in my opinion, that is not entirely accurate, it does illustrate how easily this reads). I think this helps the reader identify more effectively with Gregory, he is not a complex person, he is just a child. I'm glad the language reflects that.
As for the 'thematic' message, I can see there are lines of exploration in 'communication'. When one person stoops down to the physical level of their peer, no matter how good the intentions or how guilty their conscience is afterwards, they become the very thing they hated. Perhaps this simple idea could be applied to a lot of social encounters.
That may have been what you were trying to convey, but I think not. The main message I picked up from this (forgive me if I am wrong - or can the reader BE wrong?) was that of blame and alienation. It seems that the class NEEDED Enrique, he was the alien, the source of all blame within their little social world. The class, or any society, needs that figure to hate and to whisper about - he is not necessarily an individual but a 'punch-bag' that the children need in order to focus their childish negative sentiments. You accurately protrayed these sentiments as fickle, as I said before, Enrique served as more of a figure than a person - the moment Gregory was to retaliate in his language, suddely the face changes but the 'symbol' remains the same, he became the ominous 'bad kid' who served as the object of blame. Perhaps by alienating this person, the class feels more comfortable themselves, more socially adept, better people and they reduce them chance of becoming alienated themselves.
If I was to dare to make a comparison to the wider world, I would point out the similarity Enrique, and then later Gregory, has to the likes of terrorist organisations and nations such as Russia and Iraq (and even the American President). Blaming these entities makes us feel less at fault and less lost in a big, bad world. Perhaps everybody needs somewhere to channel our natural anger and hared.
I'm not sure whether that was your message, but that is what I saw. Also, in line with some of the comments you made on one of my stories earlier this week (Laments of Kirkuk), I felt that the sentence; "Gregory was always to remember, thereafter..." was just a way to explain what you had previously said within the prose. I am hardly one to make such a critique though, I am still battling against my own demons of self-explanation! Regardless, the final line of the story was excellent and told me everything I needed to know.
Excellent work, as always! A gold star for you!
- Corvix
-
This serves to illustrate how profound the lack of the ability to communicate can be. Enrique bullied, not because he wanted to dominate and ridicule, but to compensate for his inability to effectively converse.
Along comes Gregory, who offends Enrique by purchasing the taffy(it is evident that the 'ritual' of rolling the taffy is personally significant to the boy). Enrique retaliates in the only way he can communicate, and Gregory responds in kind; in his 'language'. Unfortunately, all in the class instinctively knew that by responding in such a way would be wrong, and ostracized Gregory for his actions.
This serves as a gentle reminder of how complex us humans really are; that nothing is ever as simple as a black and white right or wrong. That even as children we already recognise the nuances of ethics beyond mere social acceptability.
Again, another good write from an excellent writer.
-
Rites of Passage
A slice of real life. The fickle crowd - always ready to change loyalties if their expectations are not met.
Nicely composed. Almost newspaper prose. Reads easily.
Interesting observation on how a person's status and group acceptance can change. A little blood, and now the demonised foreigner is 'human' after all. A name change completes the metamorphoses. Now Henry is 'one of us'. And Gregory becomes the scapegoat for the group's ethnocentric prejudice.
I would have liked to know more about Enrique's feelings and inner turmoil.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, characters: 5.
-
well written as always! I kind of feld sorry for Enrique in the begining. He was a foriegner, who couldnt speak English, and couldnt fit in. I believe that bullying for him wasnt just to bully, but because of his innability to fit in, he closed himself off from the world, becoming hostile; a kind of defence. I only started to feel dislike for Enrique, when he was bullying Gregory, who defended himself resulting in the foriegners injury and Gregorie being outcast. My sympathy went very quickly from Enrique to Gregory. Well, thats my take.
-
UN CUENTO MUY BIEN LOGRADO
Hello Gary:
This is, of course, very well written. But I don't know what to say. I have trouble with the in-group/out-group mindset. Perhaps you would enjoy reading my story Rubber Ducky.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
I like this! I've been thinking it over for several days, trying to come up with a useful comment for you.
This story has a very nice atmosphere. I've been trying to figure out how this is achieved, but I'm still not entirely sure. The details are good, and have just the right nature to them that the reader doesn't question them, but accepts them readily. The story definitely shows, and doesn't tell. Good job! Not many stories on this site do that so completely as you have done here.
My ultimate impression of the tale is that it is not trying to tell me something, or tell me how to interpret the story. It is just showing me a story, plain and simple.
Thank you, a great read!
-
Really good. I read everything single bit of it and enjoyed it all. The emotions and feelings really came out well. You showed an important meaning in the story, which is something that you need. I felt sorry for Enrique at the beginning but as the storyline developed I began to feel otherwise. Amazing. Much better than anything I've ever written. Such a deep concept. Very well done.
-
Classic..............
It would be the easiest thing in the world to say "been there, done that, got the T-shirt."
But it's so hard, isn't it, to remember the real stomach churning hatred of the unfairness of it all! You hint at it in the adult way we all do. It's not that distance lends enchantment, but it definitely allows the luxury of not having to feel the whole thing quite so intensely. Remembrance of the emotions is no substitute for being there, and I suspect that anyone just into puberety would marvel at the measured way you describe this, almost like a clinician describing the symptoms of the patients malaise!
My own personal reaction is that nothing changes. We might change as time does its work, but the reality of the emotions described here can be seen in any school almost anywhere in the world. As I said, it strikes a cery real chord, and I suspect that any potential psychologists would leap on this as a possible starting point for the development of both characters' future behaviour. It gives food for thought and speculation; wonder how each of them turned out?
Very thought provoking.
-
Hokay, my take on it.
Great story Gary, brilliant writing as always.
At first I kinda felt sorry for Enrique, new kid, different language, must have been hard. But then his bullying made me not like him so much. And when he tripped Gregory, and Gregory became the enemy, I liked him even less. And now I feel sorry for Gregory.
Interesting how things change like that.
Good work!
-
Another master piece from Gary!!!! Really enjoyed reading it
-
This story definitely reminds me of my elementary days. I was picked on as a child; however, even though I was significantly smarter (with wittier comments) than my "attackers," I lost many friends to them. This piece reminded me of that--how children, like many people nowadays, rarely behave in a way that would make sense.
I felt rather bad for Enrique. I know what it's like to be the new kid.
When my mother first came to the U.S., she had a language-barrier problem as well. However, she was a little younger than Enrique and Gregory.
Gregory seems too innocent to be fighting (or at least claiming to have fought)!
The last line confused me a little bit; I wasn't sure what it meant. Perhaps it signifies the class's acceptance of Enrique? That line took me a little bit off guard.
Thank you for sharing.
-
Interesting
This reminds me of when the prettiest girl in our eighth grade class asked me if I was from England. I was a new kid in school. I had long hair that looked like the Beatles cut when the Beatles were just beginning to grow theirs even longer. My hair was long because we were poor and I couldn't afford and didn't like hair cuts.
When I told her that I wasn't, she completely lost interest in me. Shame, that's the way of my life with women
.
No need to tell me that this isn't quite the same thing as your Enrique story. It just reminded me of the experience.
Interesting way you showed that this seemed to lead to the acceptance of Enrique.
Andy
-
True to the heart
This was an accurate depiction of school hierarchy: the message ressurected memories of my childhood, the hero who bullied the bully with no recognition and sussed that she/he was a champion. Awesome prose!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
-
Good prose piece.
Enjoyable and well expressed. -
Nice tale
Your story took me back to the days where the student hierarchy ment everything. I liked the message it delivered. The story was befitting for this time of year, since some here will be returning to school.
-
This was a very good piece. I like how you intwined a message with this. I also love the description you put into this it really helped me visualize what was going on better! Great story!
-
That shows how things tend to go. You think it's settled in one way and then it turns out to be another way, one that you didn't expect.
One sentence confused me a little. well, not confused, but it seemed awkward. 'Enrique had been the center of several disruptive incidents in class, enough of them for Gregory, a retiring and quiet boy, to consider him fair game as the bad guy when Enrique tripped the white shirt clad boy one Assembly morning.' It's all good until you throw in the 'when Enrique tripped...' the two parts don't run smoothly together.
Also, the story seems to be in a separated point of view, not really involved in the story, but relating the happenings. Yet, in the first paragraph, you say 'none of US spoke Spanish.' It surprised me, because it was the only time I noticed that the teller of the tale was really invloved. Maybe I misread the rest of it?
Good!
-
Hah, that takes me back. Although, in my case, I didn't get scorned for pushing the bully down. This was a great slice of school life story! The last sentence kind of came as a surprise, and then, as I stared at it, its significance sank in. What a great ending.
"white shirt clad boy" probably needs some hyphenation there. I'd guess white-shirt-clad would work best, after mulling over the options, but I'm not a fan of multiple hyphenations either. Anyway, you do as you like with it, don't mind me.
I really liked this story; at first I thought it would be from Enrique's POV, since the title was his name, but I liked where it went, and how you described the way Gregory was shunned for his action. Children can be very blunt, and you captured that well. Yay for another great Garywrite!
Adding your comment:
1 - 47 of 47
